Summary
Counting the Cost is a memoir detailing Jill Duggar’s life under the strict rules of the Duggar family, known from the reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting. In the book, coauthored by Derick Dillard, Jill’s husband, and writer Craig Borlase, Jill provides an honest exploration of personal growth and healing. Reflecting on her experience with conservative values linked to the Institute in Basic Life Principles, Jill sheds light on the challenges of maintaining a public image and remaining loyal to her family while asserting her own independence. Duggar’s revelations include being financially exploited by her father and reassessing her faith. Throughout, Jill Duggar recounts her journey toward self-awareness and personal autonomy.
Overview
In Counting the Cost, Jill Duggar provides an intimate account of her life under the control of her conservative family and the spotlight of reality TV as well as her journey towards self-awareness and autonomy. Her father, Jim Bob Duggard, enforced rules aligned with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), which Jill compares to a cult. Jill grew up adhering to a strict code, which included modesty in her clothing and behavior, homeschooling, taking care of her younger siblings, and obedience and respect for parental authority.
Opening just before Jill’s engagement to Derick Dillard, the memoir reveals family crises, including a scandal involving her brother Josh, and added tensions of filming TLC's 19 Kids and Counting. Jim Bob managed the show, but Jill was essentially forced to work without adequate compensation. The day before her wedding, she signed a contract, pressured by her father, to continue participating in the reality TV franchise. After her marriage, Jill began her quest to break free from her family’s rigid control. With Derick, she demanded financial transparency. The couple refused an $80,000 offer from Jim Bob to toe the line.
Jill's journey toward freedom and empowerment is demonstrated in her acts of defying IBLP doctrines, including wearing pants, getting a nose piercing, and using birth control. Through legal action and therapy, she secured $175,000 from her father, recognizing her labor, and opened possibilities for reconciliation. Examining the complexities of family dynamics and reality TV life, Counting the Cost ultimately celebrates Jill's resilience.
Themes
Strict religious upbringing
Jill Duggar's life centered around her family's dedication to the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), a fundamentalist Christian organization with strict doctrines. In her memoir, she discusses how IBLP's principles affected her daily life, including her clothing and interactions with the outside world. This environment limited her personal freedom even into adulthood.
Jill attended IBLP conventions where teachings on modesty and submission were presented by founder Bill Gothard. Although Gothard advocated for family values and reproduction, inconsistencies in his personal life prompted Jill to question the beliefs she learned from a young age. This led her to reexamine her faith and family dynamics, showing how a strict religious environment influenced her sense of autonomy.
Impact of reality television
In Counting the Cost, Jill Duggar discusses the effects of reality television on her personal and family relationships. As part of the Duggar family, her life became public through TLC's 19 Kids and Counting and later, Counting On. These programs shaped her adolescence, subjecting her to the pressures of public life. In her memoir, Duggar explains how reality TV turned significant moments into televised events, often without her full consent or understanding.
Duggar describes how her father, Jim Bob Duggar, initially portrayed the show as a ministry tool. However, the focus shifted to control and exploitation. She recounts receiving a binding contract from her father a day before her wedding, committing her to further filming without realizing the full implications. The family's fame intensified public scrutiny, exacerbating personal challenges, especially during scandals involving her brother Josh. Duggar contrasts the seemingly perfect family image on television with the constrained reality she endured. Her narrative details how reality television diminished her independence and influenced her efforts to break away.
Financial exploitation
In Counting the Cost, Jill Duggar discusses financial manipulation within her family related to their reality TV shows, 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On. Despite her appearance in over 200 episodes and specials, she received minimal financial compensation. Her father, Jim Bob Duggar, managed the finances and made vague promises of future payments or network-covered expenses.
Tensions escalated when Jill and her husband, Derick Dillard, examined the contracts. They discovered Jim Bob had committed Jill to years of filming without her informed consent. Confronting him led to an initial offer of $80,000 each as retroactive payment, which they rejected, seeking fairer compensation. They eventually accepted a settlement of $175,000. Jill stated this did not feel like a victory. This situation strained her family relationships, revealing issues of personal loyalty and financial misconduct.
Trauma
In Counting the Cost, Jill Duggar discusses the spiritual and familial trauma linked to her upbringing under the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). The "umbrella of protection" doctrine, central to her family's beliefs, required paternal control that dictated obedience and suppressed dissent. This ideological framework fostered an environment where silence was preferred over disagreement, using compliance as a tool for control.
Jill's family's beliefs affected her self-worth and independence. Her father maintained financial control, and she received no compensation for her role in their reality show, which demonstrated a disregard for her autonomy.
Further complicating her struggles were family scandals, including her brother Josh's confession to molesting some of his sisters, which publicly identified her as a victim. Jill recounts the emotional difficulties following these events and noted the lack of familial support during this challenging period. She sought therapy to establish personal boundaries and reclaim her story.
Journey towards autonomy
In Counting the Cost, Jill Duggar chronicles her path to independence amid familial and religious constraints. Raised under the Institute in Basic Life Principles, her life followed strict rules, covering everything from attire to education. Her marriage to Derick Dillard marked a significant turning point, offering a new perspective and support to question established norms.
Breaking away from her family's control, Jill pursued her own identity. She made decisions in defiance of her upbringing, such as wearing pants, getting her nose pierced, and enrolling her child in public school. Despite facing opposition and a period of silence from her family, Jill maintained her focus on personal growth. She describes her journey through therapy and self-reflection as a continuous struggle for personal autonomy.
Quick facts
Published in 2023, Counting the Cost is a memoir of Jill Duggar’s experiences growing up in a large, extremely strict family that became a reality TV sensation.
Jill Duggar coauthored the memoir with her husband, Derick Dillard, and writer Craig Borlase.
The title references the Bible verse Luke 14:28, encouraging reflection on the consequences of decisions.
Counting the Cost offers a candid behind-the-scenes look at Jill's life in the spotlight on TLC's hit reality series, 19 Kids and Counting.
Jill describes growing up under the control of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), which she labels a cult.
Counting the Cost exposes how Jill was financially exploited and threatened by her father, Jim Bob Duggar.
Jill recounts receiving a binding contract from her father a day before her wedding, committing her to further filming without realizing the full implications.
Later, Jim Bob Duggar threatened Jill financially, aiming to suppress her from speaking against the family.
Jill talks about the traumatic impact of her brother Josh’s scandals and its handling.
Jill emphasizes the importance of therapy for healing from trauma and establishing personal boundaries.
Breaking away from familial control, Jill now embraces personal freedoms like wearing pants, getting a nose piercing, and using birth control.
Counting the Cost is balanced and thoughtful, not intended as a scathing exposé but as an honest exploration of personal growth and healing.
Jill and Derick received $175,000 after legal intervention addressing years of unpaid compensation from their reality show appearances.
The audiobook is narrated by Jill Duggar herself.
About the author
Jill Duggar Dillard (1991-) became known through the reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting. She grew up in a family that adhered to strict religious beliefs while under public scrutiny. After marrying Derick Dillard in 2014, she pursued her independence. They have three sons and live near the Oklahoma-Arkansas border. Her 2023 memoir Counting the Cost criticizes the Institute in Basic Life Principles, describing it as "cult-like." In the book, she also details her struggles and personal growth, intending to support others facing similar challenges.
