Ross Patterson
AUTHOR

Ross Patterson

Who the shit am I? A Lover. A fighter. A door-to-door used sweater salesman. I'm that dude who doesn't pull out with strangers, especially on vacation. And I've been to Cozumel. That's in Mexico. If you feel jealous after reading that, you should be. Mexico is awesome. The coke there is like eating four burrito supremes at once, you kind just shit yourself on impact. Other than that, it's so rad. But that's me, you know? Hardcore. I once babysat a kid who just graduated college. I'm trustworthy, but I'll still go through your medicine cabinet. I'll watch you sleep for weeks on end outside your house, just because I can. I'll give your dog a Snickers bar if I feel like "he's not being himself". This is who I am. This is my life. If this is too hot for you, rewire all the electrical outlets inside your kitchen.

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