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5.0 out of 5 starsI found this book to be a wonderful lifeline just when I needed it
Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2016
It's Friday night and I find myself standing at the edge of this horrible black chasm. I'm beginning to realize I may have to make a choice between my alcoholic child and myself. I can't believe I am even considering this but my doctor is becoming concerned. If my blood pressure doesn't improve she is suggesting medication, if my cholesterol doesn't improve she is suggesting medication, if my blood sugar keeps moving in the direction it is trending she is suggesting insulin. She is telling me I must reduce the stress in my life. I can't remember the last time I was able to sit in my home and enjoy a peaceful evening. Ever vigilant to the sounds coming from my adult child's home next door. Is the yelling just a loud tv program or is she and the boyfriend du jour having another fight. Is the crash I hear something or someone being thrown against the wall or just a door being closed too hard? It's late and I hear her car start up. Is she already drunk and heading out for more or is she heading to the bar to get blackout drunk and drive home that way? Should I call the police and warn them she is driving drunk and endangering everyone else on the road? Another promise has been broken and this time in such a cruel way I feel it is so personal but the other realization I am coming to is that it has nothing to do with me. She hasn't thought or worried about anyone but herself for a very long time. She is so deep in her addiction that's all she can see now and the loving thoughtful child I used to know is gone, lost in the alcoholic mist. How can I abandon her but how can I go on living like this? She cries, she promises, she claims to need me but it is becoming more and more clear she only needs me to use when it suits her and we are both growing sicker every day in this awful dance we do. I feel like I am standing on the curb watching this horrible crash beginning to unfold and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. All I can do is stand there and pray there is something left to salvage when it is over. I turn to the internet to look for help, answers, comfort, something and I stumble across this book. I order the sample for my kindle and as soon as I have finished it I order the book. I read into the night. I am brought to tears when the author talks about losing the family he remembers. I too have been mourning the loss of the times we were together laughing so hard our sides hurt, sharing delicious meals and playing games together. It's all gone now. I've lost my son to alcohol and now my daughter is slipping away. I read on and see my own life in the pages of this book and am so relieved to find out I am not the only one facing this heart breaking, gut wrenching choice. I'm not the only one struggling with the feelings of guilt and anger. I find the practical suggestions helpful and the realization that I am not the only parent standing on the edge of this awful chasm helps me calm and begin to think about what I am willing and able to do and what I am no longer willing or able to do. I highly recommend this to anyone loving and trying to live with an alcoholic.
5.0 out of 5 starsAre your kids your drug of choice?
Reviewed in the United States on April 12, 2018
This book is a keeper. After many years of heartbreak and struggle with 3 generations of substance abusers, I'm finally realizing my mission in life is to take care of myself. The author leads his readers to this conclusion, but it seems that as with substance addiction, it takes facing up to the pain you've brought on yourself and deciding to break free from that and all that leads to it is the only way out of it. Harsh words, but then (a) life can be harsh, and (b) has trying the same thing harder worked? A keeper, because I plan to be at least strong enough to see my own weakness and review a few pages whenever necessary.
5.0 out of 5 starsIf your adult child is an addict, you need this book
Reviewed in the United States on September 23, 2017
If your adult child is an active addict or alcoholic, and attempts at achieving a stable, lasting recovery were refused or did not go well, you need to read this book immediately. And then you need to read it repeatedly, to maintain strength, resolve, and the understanding that your life matters, too.
The author is a father who has been through everything you are going through. He has come through the fire and has learned to value himself and to set real and meaningful boundaries to protect himself against both emotional abuse and financial exploitation by his adult addicted children.
When the addict in your family has reached the sociopathic stage, as they all do if they do not enter lasting stable recovery, you will become a defenseless victim without strategies of the type described and illustrated here.
Love yourself; read this book; absorb its wisdom. It won't happen overnight, but eventually you will grow stronger, and you will be less and less vulnerable to your addict's abuse and manipulation. Eventually, through: refusal to negotiate with the addict; unwavering observance of your explicit boundaries; emotional compartmentalization; and possibly mindfulness meditation, you will have good moments, good hours, and eventually -- possibly -- even good entire days.
I really like your book. I'm a 63 year old grandmother whose 40 yrs old daughter is addicted to drugs. Your book made me feel so much better about myself. I am hoping to adopt my two grandchildren who have been through hell. My husband and I have done so much for my daughter. It didn't help. Now, I understand because of your book. I would recommend it to anyone going through this. You made a believer out of me. Please keep writing, you're helping people like me. Please write one concerning the effects on innocent children of these addicts. Thank You for writing this book.
I wondered about the rather full on title but when you read it you will find it is the perfect title. If you are the parent of young adult (or even a now older adult) who is in the grip of alcohol or drugs addiction and its destructive consequences for all concerned you owe it yourself (and them) to read this book. The writer talks from his own experience and guides us with wisdom and tough love sense. This firmed my own resolve and I was rewarded with positive developments in my own family situation. When you dont know where or who else to turn to for advice and support - this much needed book is supportive, thought provoking and enlightening.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 27, 2019
I read this book out of desperation with my son's behaviour and lifestyle -smoking a lot of weed living at home and barely working. It helped me separate myself from him and to understand I can't help him until he helps himself, an more importantly until I help myself. Will keep this book close and re-read many times
5.0 out of 5 starsA MUST FOR PATENTS WITH A DRUG/ALCOHOL ADDICTED CHILD
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 11, 2017
This book saved my life. Unfortunately I had to take a 12 month injunction out on my own son after he tried to kill me. That took 24 years to get that bad so read this book and don't fall into the trap that I did. Realised I was totally co-dependent after reading it. I'm now on the mend even though I miss him - my only child, I could never go back to that.