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DrB

Perhaps the best self-help book ever written

Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2015

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I generally think self-help books promise a lot more than they deliver. I've come to believe that this book is an absolute game changer in the world of behavioral medicine.

So, how do you know if this book will be helpful for you?

"Self-Therapy" is based on Internal Family Systems therapy. (Think--a system of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but with a rather different approach.) It is geared toward individuals who do what I call "triggering". If you tend to have very turbulent relationships, or keep rehashing past offenses in your head, or get told by your spouse that you act like you have two personalities, or are a pathological people-pleaser, or find yourself frequently repeating that behavior you decided never to do again, or have panic attacks over trivial threats, or are easily hurt or offended, or have been told you are manipulative, or have overwhelming fears of not being believed, being abandoned, not being good enough, etc, then you are probably "triggering". As you progress toward middle age, you will likely find that these behaviors become increasingly problematic in your relationships. If this sounds like you, consider getting this book.

I am a family physician and was becoming frustrated with an inability to help my patients with (axis II) personality disorders understand and heal their condition. Meds don't work very well and traditional counseling is only marginally better. I knew how to recognize a patient with a personality disorder, but I didn't understand what caused it or how to explain it to a patient in a way that they 1) believed me, and 2) understood what I was talking about. These patients are often misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, and before I found IFS I almost never saw someone recover or improve.

A social worker directed me to do some research into Internal Family Systems therapy and I eventually stumbled across "Self-Therapy". This book not only helps you diagnose yourself, (ie. "what is causing me to feel and act this way?") but also how to treat yourself. I am gradually coming to believe that Internal Family Systems therapy is the only type of therapy that is more than marginally effective for healing this type of emotional injury. I find myself recommending this book to one of my patients on at least a weekly basis. It doesn't hold the solution for every emotional problem, but it's one of the best tools I've found for my mental health arsenal. If nothing else, it can really help you understand others' behavior better.

I initially read this book trying to help my patients. In the end it has also helped my family, my marriage, and my personal happiness. Color me impressed.

Jeremy T. Hanke

Great book...but bring a buddy...

Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2020

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This is an awesome book and this system is incredibly powerful, as I’ve seen in my own life and in the lives of people who have been exposed to complex trauma, like domestic abuse, child abuse, and ongoing sexual abuse. (If you’re interested in this for trauma work, read Bessel Van Der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score” to see how effective IFS can be.)

With that said, Internal Family Systems (IFS) is very complex work to do with only yourself.

As the IFS system shows, we have protective safeguards in place to prevent us “hacking” into how we’ve set things up through the trials of life by ourselves.

While this work is most ideally done with a therapist present, if you can’t afford one or, like me, have no one in your area who’s certified, then you can still be pretty successful with this book so long as you and a friend will work on it together.

Especially when it comes time to work on exiles, you’ll want a friend who’s taking this as seriously as you are, because our security systems are trained to take over. (IFS is very robust for self-work after the main work has been done with someone else, but it’s resistant to the lone-wolf approach unless you’ve had an exceptionally supportive family without much trauma, which could yield a low number of exiles.)

Based off the speed at which I’m going through this with my partner, I’d say you’re looking at between six months to a year to go through this course together for newcomers.

Anna G.

Completely changed my life, my husband's life, and the lives of friends.

Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2017

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This book helped me to understand and process the many inner-critics and fearful protectors that I had running rampant in my subconscious mind. If there is one book I would recommend that people should read prior to marriage and/or having children, it is this one. The mental clarity I've gained from the insights in this book have completely changed my life.

Tony

Not good for a Self Therapy book, way to intense. Would be good using with a mental health counselor.

Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2018

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I learned about this threw a outpatient group on depression. We were told that this was a good book to get to start with IFS. Well, let's say, that this might be a good book, if you don't have really deep issues going on. I read some of it, and had to put it down, it was way to triggering. I don't see how anyone can do this book and the workbook by themselves, but that's just me. I gave it to my therapist and maybe he can help walk me threw it, but as for self therapy, no, not for me. It even states in the book, if it is triggering, then to see a professional. So my only thing that I can say, is that, this is not something I could do on my own. I love the concept, but until I find someone who can take me threw it, I guess I am stuck.

luizfabricio

I will try it...eventually

Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2018

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The internal family model is very compelling. Feels much like EMDR in some aspects, what makes me believe it more, as I’m an EMDR practitioner. However, I’m not convinced much deep advancement can be done without a partner. As it seems like you can go far with a well meaning partner or licensed practitioner, I believe the protectors probably will disrupt deeper work of the lone self therapist.

The model SELF<->PROTECTOR <->EZILE seems workable and intuitive in many aspects. I’m skeptical about its ability to heal deeper trauma.

Top reviews from other countries

Graham Mummery

Using the Creative Immagination to Heal

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 31, 2019

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I was recommended this book as an introduction to a therapeutic technique known as IFS (Internal Family Systems) devised by the therapist Richard Schwartz. This draws and develops on ideas from the likes of Jungian Psychology, Gestalt, Psychosynthesis and John Rowan taking them in a new direction. Readers aware of the concepts of sub-personalities and visualisation will be on home ground.

Yet for all that, many therapists will find what is on show in this book will be useful in dealing with resistances to healing. If this is strange to some, it is something that often happens in therapy. It is, as Jungian analyst Donald Kalsched amongst others, a part of the psyche often protecting another part from further suffering. In IFS these parts are named protectors and exiles, and they manifest as personalities. For my money this is the best book I have come across about resistances and how to deal with them.

One of the thing that gives this credence is the way the author Jay Earley approaches his matter. There are thorough descriptions of the ideas with drawings, diagrams and pictures. It also does not pretend everything displayed is easy. Indeed there are sections on how to deal with some difficulties The book itself is structured as a self-help manual with pointers to work books that the interested reader can download to follow and structure the exercises contained in the book, together in with the reminder that it may be necessary to work these with a trained therapist.

Taken as a whole it is hard to think that a book like this could be better prepared. As a therapist, I have used some of these exercises both on myself and other clients. This is both a fascinating and useful book for therapists and general readers alike. I will be exploring further other books by this author and of course the aforementioned Richard Schwartz.

KH

Goes deep

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 26, 2020

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I ordered this book as an intro to IFS after reading The Body Keeps The Score.
Self-Therapy is a fantastic, easy-to-read and digest introduction to IFS and I'd recommend it to anyone interested in the therapy. My only criticism is that it gets you to start working with protectors very early - too early for me - and that the explanation of Self is too brief. Other than those two points, this book is brilliant. I find IFS to be the most compassionate, loving and accepting therapy I have ever encountered - it feels like coming home.

Jack Wolfe Frost

Jumps in too fast

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 4, 2015

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It's a good book, but perhaps over-simplifies IFS therapy. My main criticism though is that the book has you doing exercises before it has told you the whole IFS model; which for some people like me can potentially be harmful. I would recommend getting the IFS book by the founder of the IFS model, Dr Richard Schwartz first where the IFS model is explained much more clearly and only then reading this book and doing the exercises when you actually know what you are working with.

Robster

Highly recommended!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 9, 2020

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Having studied and researched many healing modalities, this appears to be one of the most successful. Great introduction to Internal Family Systems, utilising parts or sub selves. Just started working with an IFS therapist.....

Renato S.

Amazing book that helps you to find your true self

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 20, 2019

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Is a great book for guiding you step by step to finding the real and TRUE SELF.
I highly recommend it to anyone how wants to find and be themselves compered to other self help books systems they are out there till now because I tried some of them and they only teaching people how to control our inner world which is only for sort terms and IFS teaches us how to make peace and Harmony with our inner self and have long lasting happiness and joy:-) with ourselves, everyone and everything around us.
Thank you.

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