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5.0 out of 5 starsthe Biblical reference on narcissism
Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2019
Have followed his blog for years now in my own walk with a narcissistic individual in my life. All arguments pull exclusively from the Bible with clear instructions on how we must respond as Christians. Next to the Bible, this is the 2nd book I would take if my house caught on fire. I cannot thank God enough for the ministry of DC Robertsson. His ministry through this book will be a catalyst for spiritual growth if you have an unavoidable narcissist in your life. He will answer the questions from the heart of God and will lay out the boundaries that we so desperately need to protect our own souls. Throw away every other book on narcissism as none other comes close to the truth as presented in this book! Buy it, read it, study it, pray over the concepts presented, and then watch as the truth is revealed in your heart.
If you are dealing with a truly narcissistic (evil) person, this book is for you. The same Jesus who said "Love your enemies" also tells us to defend the oppressed, stand up for truth and justice, walk away from divisive contentious people, and seek peace and pursue it. If you have ever had the misfortune of encountering the type of person (not just a hurting, messed-up, in-need-of-love person, but a truly evil person), this book can help you find your voice.
5.0 out of 5 starsHealing and Validating Book that Points Me to Jesus Christ
Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2019
This book has been tremendously validating and healing for me as I process the abuse I experienced at the church where I first came to faith and where I had also been employed for thirteen years (but am no longer employed there).
The book makes the distinction between the Christian view of being "nice" and thinking "everyone is basically a good person," and the Biblical view that there are evil people who exhibit rage, jealousy, scorn, and contempt for others. I have a personal theory that some people are projectors (narcissists who blame everything external, including you) and some people are absorbers (the empath who then feels at fault but who is not source of the problem), and this book validates my theory in a way.
In retrospect, the church I worked at was extremely corrupt. For the first 6-7 years, I had a controlling, narcissistic female boss who projected shame onto me numerous times and was insanely controlling. I was in my twenties and new to faith in Christ and naively thought that everyone who worked in a church was a true follower of Christ. I dreaded our weekly meetings and how she tried to dig into my personal life and be the voice of the Holy Spirit, meanwhile she never divulged anything personal about herself.
I then was promoted to the IT department where I had a male narcissistic boss. At first I was the golden child, which made me uncomfortable but whatever. I enjoyed the work and the relational aspects of the role. I began to notice that he interrupted me a lot, he said "uh-huh" at weird places in a conversation in a robotic way, he argued with every single thing I said, he refused to listen, he was extremely insecure about being wrong, and he went out of his way to do the exact opposite of stated preferences, to the. point where I could successfully use reverse psychology to get what I wanted. He contradicted himself from conversation to conversation and he had no original thought. If he had to present something in front of others for five minutes, we had to meet for hours and hours in order for him to feel prepared.
One day during a meeting, the mask dropped and he began raging at me in his office (I had not attended a weekend conference that he had expected me to attend - it was purely an optional offering of the church and had nothing to do with work or him but I saw a pattern of narcissistic stalking where he had to know where I was at all times and any change in my patterns caused blame/rage/controlling behaviors/punishment). I reported the rage outbreak to HR who did not handle it correctly. At that point, I was the target of a smear campaign. He constantly bullied and verbally attacked me, even in front of others in our department. He fed lies about my performance to HR, randomly confronting me with "mis-behavior," and culminating in a fake performance appraisal saying how disappointed he was in me and listed fake projects that didn't exist but that I had "let slip through the cracks." I had to sign it or speak up, so I took it to HR who ultimately let me go because "you don't respect your supervisor." This despite an anti-harassment policy that "XYZ church prohibits retaliation against employees who report harassment," and I had a lot of documentation of the bullying and toxic behaviors that had been going on.
I am thankful to be out of there. What man means for evil, God means for good. I'm in a season of healing and this book is excellent. It points me to dependence on Jesus Christ alone and points me to gratitude for grace I do not deserve.
The church had a lot of unhealthy things going on. Several of my friends suspect that the senior pastor is a narcissist, and I can see that. About two years before I was let go, he came to the staff with a list of "winning behaviors" that all staff must adhere to in order to "make the bride of Christ as beautiful as she can be before the Lord returns." We had monthly meetings as a staff to keep us accountable to the following: tithe 10%, participate or lead a small group and must use his curriculum, serve 5-10 hours outside of 40-hour work week, attend service each week, sponsor 4 families into membership each year, I can't remember what else but it was like impossible. We had to "grade ourselves" on the list. This is very cult-like behavior and everyone was exhausted, fearful, and anxious. All these reports were being run on who was and was not doing what. That is NOT the gospel for any who are reading this.
Other unhealthiness at that church include a (at the time married) female friend whose supervisor is a male married "pastor" there, 40+ years her senior, during one-on-one meetings expressing attraction for her. That is abuse of power. Another friend got married last year and as soon as she moved in with her new husband, he became emotionally and physically abusive, ultimately she moved out and divorced him, meanwhile the "discipline team" at the church banned her from the table, forced her to quit her ministry to kids there, and sent her letters about how sinful she is, even one that had a checkbox and signature line indicating whether she thought she was sinning for getting a divorce. Meanwhile no one addressed the heinous sin of narcissistic abuse in the (now ex-) husband.
This book is correct in saying, "It does not matter how much praise a narcissist receives, they will focus on the slight." (p. 119). My narc ex-supervisor felt slighted when I reported him to HR for inappropriate behavior, and he took it out on me.
Things I am grateful for: I learned to lay down my will and trust God by my boss arguing with everything I said. I refused to argue back, kept silent, and trusted the Lord, and things always worked out. Galatians 1:10 became my life verse and I was (mostly) freed from people-pleasing. After the negative appraisal, I had the insight, "I am not your negative opinion of me." I found a healthier church that has been a tremendous source of healing and new friendships in my life. I pray almost daily for humility and total dependence on God for all things. I realized I had a spiritual ego in a way, working at a church, and I felt it crumble away when I drove away for the last time. Now that I am free from the long list of demands from the senior pastor, I have a normal, balanced life where I can do fun things and be myself.
I have studied theology now for nearly 15 years and find this book to resonate and be Biblically accurate as far as my own journey and awareness have taken me.
If you have been the victim of spiritual or religious abuse, you are not alone.
I love the biblical approach to dealing with a narcissist. The book is packed with scripture and gives a lot of insight on how to deal and pray for the narcissist in your life. I did find the book encouraging. I wish I would have bought this in a book format instead of a kindle addition so I could make notes.
This book brought some healing to me. It is very detailed and promises no miracle to the dilemma of dealing with narcissist. But at the same time does give some verses and guides on how to handle the situation as Jesus did.
5.0 out of 5 starsBiblical facts and details of narcissists throughout the Bible.
Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2019
I read this book in three days. It was very good and thought provoking with the author writing it as bringing out the facts backed with biblical truth that supported it. Anyone dealing with a narcissist should read it for understanding and help.
5.0 out of 5 starsThe best way to understand this subject.
Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2019
This give a wonferful insight into what explains narcissism as well as a eay to learn coping thru the lord. Pray for our enemies and ourselves for the lord to assist us in our knowledge and wisfom to know what we need to do for our lives. I would recommend this to friends going thru similar trials.
4.0 out of 5 starsThis resonated but disappointing on No Contact
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 28, 2020
This book is well-researched and amazingly comforting and validating. I had two very peaceful nights’ sleep after reading it. It was, however, disappointing to read the author’s interpretation on divorce and/or distancing oneself from a malignant narcissistic relative. I believe God was advising us to turn away from evil in all its forms, even within families. How can serving one person’s ego be more important than doing more general good works (to help many)? Isn’t it also more important to preserve a good-hearted person, capable of spreading love and support, than to allow their demise at the hands of one selfish, evil person?
5.0 out of 5 starsWorth far more than the asking price
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 30, 2020
I have paper back print. A couple of typos and doesn’t read like a professional printed book (which isn’t important but others might think so) but a truly easy and enjoyable read, the book is incredible and worth far more than £10 due to the fact the content is So thorough, extensive and biblically sound! So so much to learn from this book! Everything backed by scripture. I have been blessed to read this book and thankful to God for using the author to speak to me!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 29, 2020
This is the only book written on narcissism through a biblical perspective. Packed with verses but not boring at all. Could not put it down since the past few months I've been through a lot and had so many questions in my head. It's a sturdy book that gives a lot of answers and takes you to prayer.
5.0 out of 5 starsEssential for Christians dealing with narcissists
Reviewed in Brazil on April 5, 2019
Narcissism, the malignant kind, is on the rise. The steep increase of books, blogs, courses and therapists specialized on narcissism attests to its prevalence. Unfortunately, the best advice the psychology-world has for people targeted by narcissists is to implement "No-contact". Avoidance seems the only alternative, since narcissists are either thoroughly convinced there is nothing wrong with themselves or simply unwilling to take responsibility and change. Given the dismal chances for treatment, it is unsurprising that even therapists opt for no-contact with narcissist clients.
Although going 'No-contact' is good advice for some relationships, it may be difficult to implement when the narcissist is your spouse and you have a child together. And, if you happens to be a fellow Christian, then welcome to my conundrum. Forget the 'No-contact' solution, God makes no exceptions to ditch the narc in spite of His commandments. The good news is that the Bible speaks volumes about narcissism.
The use of 'narcissism' for describing a personality type is pretty modern, so you won't find this term in the Bible. Nevertheless, there are plenty narcissist characters in Scripture and, most importantly, God's wisdom on how to deal with them. This is the amazing gift of this book and the companion blog. It guides us through the Bible for revealing the roots of this exasperating heart condition. The Bible goes way beyond no-contact, showing how to find peace, grace and even thrive amidst this tribulation. And, God willing, instead of running for the hills, you may even help your narcissist on the way out of darkness.
There are a few typos, but nothing that compromise readability (only a scoffer would use this excuse to trash the message). I read so many books on narcissism. This one is unique.
* * * Update after three months: The typos were corrected in the new edition. God's promises are real and this book works. It changed me. And now, through my intercession and prayer, is also beginning to change my narcissist partner.