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Kristen M Brant

Like a hug, but in book form

Reviewed in the United States on November 10, 2018

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I met Lane once a few months ago at a party during a time in my life when I was desperate to overcome my social anxiety so I could make new friends. After awkwardly inserting myself into a conversation about The Office, she mentioned writing a chapter about Jim Halpert in her upcoming book, “How to Be Alone”, and I knew I had to read it because boy did I need that instruction in my life. As a person who gets attached too easily, who too desperately wants to be liked and loved and have someone whom to give the overwhelming amounts of love in my heart, I fully expected this book to teach me how to not be miserable about not having friends and being painfully single or at least not to be so desperate for love.

Instead what I got was quite the opposite of the title of the book, a sense I was not alone. Lane is at times painfully honest about how alone she has been and felt, but there is no bitterness. You see how great her capacity to love is, and you truly feel that love, as if she‘s left a piece of her heart on the page, just for you. It seems so rare these days to find people who are not shy about expressing how terribly alone they have felt, but also how deeply they care and love and all the things they want for themselves and so very much need. Many of the pages are now earmarked because I found so much of myself in this book and I want to go back and read those pages to remind myself I’m not alone in the things I feel, but more importantly that it’s ok to feel them.

There are so many more amazing things to be said about this book, and I know others will find themselves in these pages just like I did. If you’ve ever experienced a time in your life when you’ve felt truly alone, this book is for you.

bailey

This book is the Reality Bites of 2018

Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2018

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I’m not sure I can put how I feel about this book into words, but I’ll try. The word “alone’ has always summarized my life, and yet Lane has brought depth and meaning to my state of alone-ness I did not know I was seeking. I, too, was that kid who did everything to escape, to go outside, with friends, with a boyfriend, alone down by the creek, driving the back roads of my county once I had my license – which was the very day I turned sixteen – anything to be away from my house and revolving door of my mother and her endless parade boyfriends and relationships. Superficially, my (divorced) parents appeared congenial and cooperative to onlookers, and thus, I imagine others believed I was treated well. My (forced) independence at ages as young as six when I was a latch-key kid was celebrated as a commendable achievement. This so-called independence was a crutch enabling my parents to avoid all nurturing and care setting me up for a lifetime of abandonment and trust issues because no one was ever there for me.

Tears of empathy and solidarity welled in my eyes as I read Emergency Contact Left Blank because I knew I found a kindred soul. I, too, am the kind of orphan that makes sense to no one, and Lane’s writing has made me feel seen in ways over twenty-years of therapy sessions have not. She has made me laugh at my condition and bridged a path toward acceptance that there will never be a resolution for my childhood. This book is the Reality Bites of 2018, and the companion that gets me.

Meredith

The most I’ve ever seen of myself in a book

Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2018

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This is like sandpaper for your heart where it needed to be smoothed out so badly because you keep getting splinters from the rough bits but god the sanding hurts too.

My alone was better before this book.

Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2019

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It was a rambling, memoirish pack of drivel. I got absolutely nothing of value from what the author wrote.

pjlee

Not Just for 20-Somethings

Reviewed in the United States on November 13, 2018

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I ordered this as soon as I heard Lane's interview on NPR, as this 60-something woman resonated deeply with so much of what she said. I devoured it, and had to wait for the tears to stop before I could read the acknowledgments. Lane is an old soul who beautifully captures the pain and potential of aloneness at any age. Lane's story and honest convictions will inspire many, and this is a book I will return to on a regular basis for reassurance and affirmation.

Bookworm

Buy, read, buy it again

Reviewed in the United States on November 10, 2018

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Lane Moore emptied her soul to describe her own survival. And somehow it's more funny than sad/horrifying. Lane's writing style puts you in her car, on a bad date, figuring out how to arrange furniture in a room with a dirt floor while rapists lurk outside... and you'll feel like she's telling you this while you're sitting on couches under blankets and cry-laughing. I want to give this to everyone so they can feel the warm assurance of Lane's voice that is a genius mix of devastating and triumphant, but mostly the latter. Is it weird to be proud of an author you've never met? That's me with this book. Bravo.

Top reviews from other countries

Saira Donaldson

Love, recognition and solidarity for those who feel alone

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 8, 2018

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I loved this book so hard. It is beautiful and raw and rings true in a way that made my heart hurt (because some of these feelings are soul level sad) but also sing (because it’s not just me...there is at least one other person who feels like this?!) It’s written as if the best friend you always wished for is talking to you directly in a 3 am heart to heart that has you saying ‘me too!!’ and ‘I thought I was the only person who felt like that’ and ‘I’ve waited so long to hear someone else gets that too!’ while you tear up but then snort-laugh as songs you loved but forgot play quietly in the background.
It’s so tender and compassionate and real. It looks at feeling alone, unloved and disconnected, at how to bear the burden of that aching for love and a safe place to be yourself, longing for a community, a tribe, your ‘person’ - SOMEONE - who sees you and gets you and loves your open, unabashed and imperfect human heart.
I believe that there are many people who feel this pain; the pain of a family of origin that failed you, of friendships and relationships that broke your heart and of trying to keep hope alive and hold yourself together. Perhaps we could all find each other and become one another’s ‘people’ one day and watch over each other and support one another; to finally be loved as we all deserve to be. Until that dream can be realised, Lane Moore has written a book that makes you feel seen, understood, emotionally stripped bare, yes, but also held and comforted. And if you feel as alone as Lane admits she has and as many of us often do, that kinship and comfort is no small thing.
(Also there are fun discussions of a number of killer 90’s movies, Jim from The Office and a might-just-save-your-life guide to getting through the holidays)

LittleReader

Disappointing...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 22, 2019

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This book is not about feeling less alone. It is a sad, depressing memoir with occasional humour. Perhaps I misunderstood what LM would tell me but I was expecting funny stories, interspersed with painful stroke relatable life experiences and how these shape the women we become, and in turn how we are empowered to be alone if we choose to be. Aside from the last 20 pages, where she does nod gently in the direction of what the title of her book indicates you will find amongst its pages, it is mildly entertaining at best, gratuitous moaning at worst... Why not just say what it is? Or actually discuss how to be alone, if you want to, and even if you don’t.

Emyn Nudd

Painful, raw - but could be triggering for those with anxiety

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 23, 2019

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I was recced this book by Captain Awkward, and I'm very glad I got to read parts of it, even if I was unable to finish the entire book. The pain and feeling Lane expresses in this book come across very honestly, and quite brutally. She flips between humour and pain as she writes, occasionally in the same paragraph, and you never know whether you should be laughing or crying. She links her past trauma with her current actions, and explains why her contemporary behaviors stems from it, and for the most part her writing is fairly accessible. She writes as someone with anxiety or depression would write, and I'd very much recommend it to someone looking to understand the reasoning behind how traumatized and depressed/anxious people think and act.

That being said, I couldn't finish the book. In some parts Lane, although writing honestly, seems to be documenting her anxiety spirals, and continuously validates and de-validates her feelings in the ramble, and doesn't necessarily separate what is coming from her trauma and what is a good approach to mental illness. For example, in the first three pages Lane uncritically lists the reasons as to Why She Can't Call Anyone In Her Contacts List For Help Ever. My brain, upon reading that, simultaneously began shouting "LANE THAT'S ANXIETY-SLASH-DEPRESSION" while frantically trying to bury my own trauma-induced anxiety, which decided to resurrect itself and yell "HELLO I AM BACK AND I HAVE BEEN V A L I D A T E D." Lane talks about wanting to care for and look after her younger self, but her older self is in need of just as much care and safe spaces. The anxiety spirals were unfortunately what meant I had to stop reading, since they kept triggering my own anxiety - please consider this a content warning.

This book doesn't teach you how to handle loneliness. What it is is a painful, raw essay, where Lane reaches out to others who may feel this way, in an attempt to make us all feel less lonely.

Neli UE

I don't feel alone anymore. Thank you Lane.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 9, 2018

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This is not a self-help book, as the title may suggest, but it will make you feel less alone.

Lane describes her struggles, emotional and non-emotional, in the most easy way to read possible, with a twist of dark humour that will make you not be able to decide between crying or laughing, so you'll end up doing both at the same time (which makes it hard to read, so keep the tissues near by).

If you have had abusive or absent parents, and/or felt alone for a big part of/your whole life, this book is for you.
But let me warn you: You will fall in love with Lane. You will want to buy a plane ticket (or bus ticket, depending where you currently live) and go to NYC to meet her. Don't worry, this is totally normal. Once reality hits you, you may experience a few days of sadness (WHY is NY so far and WHY can't Lane come to do her shows here in *insert place where you live*), but after that, I promise you, you will discover a warm feeling inside you, and you will want to recommend this book to everyone. Because you want to bring this amazing feeling to every single human being.

I still don't know how to be alone, but I definitely don't feel like I am anymore.

Seriously, I can't stop reading it, yet I know once I finish, a tiny part of me will have died.

Busy Lizzy1

Poweful, resonates so deeply, already recommending to everyone I know.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 14, 2021

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This book had me sobbing deeply by the end but in the best way possible. I'm so grateful to have discovered Lne Moore and as someone working in mental health who works closely with people struggling with the pandemic of loneliness, I am so happy to have this piece of art to share with them. I can't wait to see what Ms Moore brings out next. Whatever it is, I know I'll be a lifelong fan.
This is not a light self help book. It is a deep, gut wrenching memoir but with so much hope throughout, teaching all of us who feel without family or secure community that we are not alone, and that this is not a destiny despite whatever we have been through to make us feel isolated. There's also excellent explanation of scientifically backed Attachment Theory and how it plays into our adult relationships.
I read about 40 books a year, about 60% in the realm of psychology for my work, and this has moved me like no ther in the past few years.

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