Yes. I would go through the entire book and rethink all of the incredibly derivative events. For example, after writing the opening section, I would a..Show More »sk myself, where have I seen this before? An action sequence that turns out to be simulation for academy cadets that bears an Asian title. Oh yeah, Star Trek -- the Kobayashi Maru. Better rethink that and come up with something more original.
Then: A planet full of intelligent beings who resemble large humanoid bears. Hmmm. Sounds like -- Wookies! OK, these guys are way more intelligent than the dog-like Chewbacca, but still -- why write a species that is almost identical to one that was quite original when it first appeared in Star Wars, when there are an almost infinite number of alternatives, including those that may exist only within your own imagination, which would be a creative way to go about it, no?
Similarly: Jump into hyperspace and suddenly, unexpectedly appear in an asteroid field. Wait, this is no asteroid field, this is the debris of what was until recently a planet! Seriously Hugh? Nothing more original came to mind? You didn't think about rewriting this when you went back a reread your first draft? Or did never go back to rethink and rewrite your first draft? And editors: seriously? Has no one ever seen Star Wars?
There is not an ounce of originality here. This is just a plain vanilla space opera that is totally derivative of the seminal space opera, Star Wars. Guy and girl who pine for each other but refuse to admit it, accompanied by a metallic looking guy and a giant furry guy, ride their dilapidated space ship as they escape from one predicament just to fall directly into another, making totally unorthodox moves that somehow work out just right, and saving the free world(s) in the process. Seriously?
So much effort is put into plot and exposition there's none left for humor, characterization, world-building, or making us care. What we get are comp..Show More »letely flat characters and half-hearted occasional efforts. Molly loves Cole, Cole pretty much exists for nothing but loving and serving under Molly. Walter exists to be the annoying nerd, everyone else is already forgotten. There's a joke or a bit of world-building color once every few chapters. Molly is contacted by someone claiming to be her long-dead mother. The process of her resolving whether to believe this incredible claim is terribly slap-dash. She does, she doesn't she does, there's an info-dump about Turing Tests, and then it's settled, with no explanation or call-back and no use of the Turing Test idea.
The plot is episodic; this could easily be a TV series. We get into scrapes, we have predictable escapes, over and over. Molly and Cole are, no surprise, always noble and true and fearless. There's a larger plot arc that's just chasing a MacGuffin for now.
In the second half of this book, we run into a woman whose dream is to be eternally pregnant and raise a possibly unbounded number of children, dressing them all alike, calling them all the same. I believe motherhood to be a great joy, but constant pregnancy? Dozens of children? This is a really poorly thought-out version of what a woman's heaven might be.
I'm finishing this, but I've sped it up to 1.5x to get it over with quickly, a first for me.