Showing results by author "Greg Proops" in All Categories

Hello, Kittens of the Ocelot. Greg Proops is your host nation for this Olympian-sized edition of AudibleProops. He's doing it Greco-Roman style this week (i.e., naked, oiled, and on a bed of feta cheese), dropping the knowledge on your lame ass, and laying waste to all you hold dear and all he thinks he holds dear.

Susie's back on her NYC interviews, and her guest this week is sex educator and burlesque performer Ducky Doolittle, a.k.a. Knockers the Clown. Ducky enchants Susie with stories of cake sitting (part of her act) and talk about her early days working as a sex performer in a Times Square peep show. These days, when she's not clowning around, Ducky teaches sex workshops. She has some sage advice on how to feel sexier instantly. You can learn more about Ducky Doolittle at her website: www.duckydoolittle.com.

Hello my little quibblers. This week, Proops invites you to listen real close and then disregard every f***** thing you hear. In the news, Enron flexes its lobbying muscles in times of peace and stability to help some rich and powerful friends; Proops goes over some nicknames that world leaders give each other; and Supreme Court appointee John Roberts is white and nice.

Proops is back and he's recovering from what he calls his failure of satire on his last installment. He's now wondering what Tom Brokaw is so worried about when it's the assistants getting anthraxed; where scaredy-cat congresspeople run when they're spending your tax dollars on government bailouts; and what's the cost of civil liberties when no one knows the origins of anthrax tainted letters?

Hello, rascals! This week, Proops takes a brief respite from riding the blue-black equine of the Apocalypse to finds some solace...in South Asian civil wars getting rained out by a tsunami. However, talk quickly turns back to blame, retribution, and possible hilarity, as Bush stays on vacation for three days before even acknowledging the tsunami disaster, supposedly doing what Jesus would do in a similar situation: hang, play some foosball, crack open a few sodas.

Ready for this week's vitriol? Excellent! For you'll find out about "everyone" who voted for Bush, some of his cabinet positions, and how W's cabinet will, and will not, resemble Reagan's cabinet. Happy Holidays!

He's scabrous, he's awful, and he's back in full force to grace us in this new year. Catch up on all the goodies from 2000 with Greg's year in review.

Hello gremlins! Proops has a lot on his mind in this episode, including the death of that frisky Pope as well as Terry Schiavo. By the way, Proops notes, the Bush family have a "do not resuscitate" clause in their living will. Plus, contradictions and heavy symbolism abound during Laura Bush's visit to Afghanistan, and CEOs get paid even more when their companies perform badly.

Hello, Laughter Lovers, it's your bi-weekly dispatch of AudibleProops. Greg Proops seeks to disturb, destroy, and demonize, and that's even before this week's election results were in. We start in the lip-syncing land of Ashley Simpson who ranks at the bottom of the teen-pop dynasty, right behind Britney, Christina, and even sister Jessica. Then, it's Jon Stewart calling Tucker Carlson out on Crossfire and the Proops recommended diet for Ann Coulter.

Welcome back to AudibleProops - after being on extended liberty in the Proops homeland of Snideberia, in the fertile heartland of Sarcasia, Proops is back. Winona Ryder busted for shoplifting? Tom Green and Drew Barrymore breaking up? Quelle surprise! And, Kate & Leopold reminds Proops that Meg Ryan is the fulcrum on which evil is balanced. The cutes shall infect the earth. Praise Allah. Also, Proops' short list of New Year's resolutions, i.e., number three, stop watching the news, and more.

Be forewarned: Proops agrees with the Prez on Palestinian statehood. This strange alignment of opinion even makes our pal Proops wonder if you should listen to him. Never fear. While engaging in some drug enhanced soul searching, he's warmed up a plate of your favorite: the new Presidential reality series C-Student In Charge, a recipe for Martha Stewart stew, his favorite line from Michael Skakel's failed defense, why being a CEO of United is the sweetest gig, and a peace plan for India and Pakistan.

In case you're just becoming familiar with AudibleProops, let us hip you: he's filled with poison, and yet he's delightfully wry. This week features "compassionate" conservatism, Ashcroft, and what's wrong with the far right and the far left. Too much? Greg provides just enough to make you feel like Ricky Martin at the inauguration: sexy, but deeply, deeply baffled.

It's a stripped down Audible Proops this week. Just the jokes, Ma'am. Proops' list of things he hates needed some updating, so, starting with the Supreme Court of the United States, the Bush Administration, tax cuts for the wealthy, Britney Spears, New Country, the Catholic Church, Loren Bush, Ariel Sharon, the major TV networks, and, well pretty much everyone else, Proops gets underway. Proops muses on President Bush celebrating Earth Day, Pakistan "re-electing" Musharraf, and much more.

Hello, Party People. Greg Proops is back in the good-ol'-boy U.S.A. and the jokes are served up fresh and funny. Very funny. So pull up your Barka lounger and settle in while Uncle Proops presents his 10 point plan for "Nothing to Fear". He's also weighing in on the likes of self-aggrandizing-blowhard-but-effective Michael Moore, and the richest con man this side of the Tigris, Ahmed Chalabi. In fact, when it comes to Chalabi,

Hello, unconventional conventioneers. Proops is reporting for duty from the Swift Boat Pot-Heads for Truth, and he's weighing in on the recent Republican Nuremberg Rally in NYC. With more than half-a-million protesters, Proops says he's tired of all the talk of a convention bounce for Bush. He also has just a word or two to say about Governor Arnold, flip-flopper Senator Zell Miller, and the day-long furlough Vice President Dick Cheney was granted so that he might escape the Land of Creeposaurus.

Hello Audibillions, welcome to the Proops Ranch - the last stop for cappuccino before the vast arid wasteland known as Dubya Country. Proops doesn't flip-flop and he's here to provide refuge for timed, depressed democrats with one little thought: polls don't vote. Proops then ponders how the Republicans came to own 9/11 and suggests that 30 years from now, when Vice President Jenna Bush is calling candidate Chelsea Clinton a bi'otch, we are all going to know about Judgment Day.

Proops is officially back in the comedic saddle. In spite of his loathing of MTV, he tips his hat to The Osbournes. Ozzy et al have incubated a terrifying new strain of reality television in their abode and, as far as Proops is concerned, a double dose is in order. Proops wonders if you still love your president and if John Ashcroft knows how many Great Lakes there are. Could it be time for the Catholic Church to consider a new charter? And, at last, a great plan to capture Osama bin Laden.

You better believe Proops watched the Olympics. But he wants to remind everyone that the Olympics are actually an international competition, not just a collection of Lifetime channel biopics of buff young Americans. Proops runs through a little Olympic history for your listening pleasure. Then, on the much-ballyhooed Oscar night - why Halle Berry deserved the Oscar and why Proops wants to send Julia Roberts to the slop house. And Proops says there's a lot to love about being a man - just ask Russell Yates.

Hello AudibleProops people! In this episode, Proops distorts facts and reinterprets logic, so all the conservatives listening in should feel right at home. Proops ponders the differences between war and diplomacy, and concludes that while negotiating merely bores people, wars actually bore holes in people. Also, Democrats are getting harder and harder to understand these days, as two mindless Democrat women blather incoherently about "voting reform" and "standard elections".

Hello Romans, welcome to AudibleProops where the Empire is on fire and the Emperor is yelling "liberal". In this dizzying journey behind the news and the lies that make up the news, Proops promises to inform, insult and then cry alone in his room. He's dropping the bomb on the chariot races and, by Zeus, we're off to the races. Proops is eager to read Mrs. Lynne Cheney's post-third-debate-comments verbatim about what a bad, bad man John Kerry is for outing her openly gay daughter.