We're ropin' some evil bloodsuckers out on the range with this Uwe Boll flick! Can the pseudo-vampire Rayne deal with an Old West town that's slowly being tranformed into vampires? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about shaky cameras, piles of tropes, and the importance of missing some shots in a gunfight. It's our review of BloodRayne II: Deliverance!

Time stamps:

0:04:05 - Background

0:20:20 - Summary

0:28:00 - Notable Scenes

0:33:35 - The Good

0:39:20 - The Bad

1:03:25 - The Ugly

We all know from horror media that studying something too closely and too obsessively can kill you. So when a young student sets out to New England for firsthand sources on witchcraft, it probably isn't going to go well! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about inns and hotels, retreading plot points and plot holes, and...Julius Caesar? Throw another witch on the fire and join us for our review of The City of the Dead!

Time stamps:

0:03:20 - Background

0:18:30 - Summary

0:38:55 - Notable Scenes

0:44:25 - The Good

0:50:35 - The Bad

1:09:20 - The Ugly

Sherlock Holmes is the most-represented literary character in media, so it was elementary that one day we would watch a film with the deductive detective. This time Holmes has to unravel an assassination that he suspects was orchestrated by his villainous arch-rival, Moriarty. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about logic, different interpretations of beloved characters, and flacid flashbacks. It's our review of The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes!

Time stamps:

0:02:30 - Background

0:18:00 - Summary

0:27:30 - Notable Scenes

0:33:45 - The Good

0:40:30 - The Bad

0:54:50 - The Ugly

It's time for another family-friendly 90s martial arts movie, but this one is really something special. Three kids are gifted the power of the Dragon and have to fight their way through an impressively bad piece of cinema! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about zen-filmmaking, Edward Said, and why kids, in general, deserve better.. It's our review of Pocket Ninjas!

Time stamps:

0:03:30 - Background

0:15:45 - Summary

0:25:40 - Notable Scenes

0:33:25 - The Good

0:35:55 - The Bad

0:57:00 - The Ugly

It's time for a 1970s sci-fi feature that tackles racism, bodily autonomy, and the best way to crash 10+ police cars. A doctor tries to save his own life by having his head attached to another man's body. What could go wrong? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Get Out, Blues Brothers, and why needlepoint is for everyone. It's our review of The Thing with Two Heads!

Time stamps:

0:05:55 - Background

0:30:35 - Summary

0:43:25 - Notable Scenes

0:50:45 - The Good

0:54:25 - The Bad

1:02:25 - The Ugly

We're reviewing a kids' movie that is making us rethink our entire childhoods! Evil dinosaurs, giant ships, siblings that become one person, what isn't there to love? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk children's media, Mass Effect, dinosaur species, and suitmation. It's our review of Attack of the Super Monsters!

Time stamps:

0:04:00 - Background

0:19:35 - Summary

0:30:05 - Notable Scenes

0:32:40 - The Good

0:35:30 - The Bad

0:45:00 - The Ugly

Some movies seek to answer timeless questions, such as "Can an invincible knight find true love during the Crusades?" If you think the answer is yes, then give a listen to Tom and Ryan as they review an Italian fantasy romance and discuss such relevant topics as: Renaissance literature, elaborate costuming, and what it means to be a "visual philosopher." It's our review of Hearts and Armor!

Time stamps:

0:02:55 - Background

0:24:10 - Summary

0:35:55 - Notable Scenes

0:45:00 - The Good

0:51:35 - The Bad

1:03:50 - The Ugly

2023 somehow felt like it lasted 2 weeks and 10 years at the same time. But how did the movies we watched affect this time paradox? Which movie moment felt like it took forever? Which character would we most like to erase from history? And where does "zen filmmaking" fit into all of this? Find out in the 2023 Schlocky Awards!

Time Stamps:

0:05:40 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award
0:10:35 - Worst Character
0:54:05 - Worst Moment or Line
1:32:20 - Worst Visual
1:59:10 - Best Moment
2:20:40 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year