WARNING: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts and attempts.

If you are in a crisis, do not listen to this. Please call or text 988 to be connected to trained counselors who are part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. If you are outside of the US, please search for suicide prevention in your country. You matter! Please choose life.

After a year-long gap, much of it spent in a deep depression and with lots of suicidal ideation, I'm back. The best way to prevent suicide is to talk about suicide. So I'm doing that while also exploring why I wasn't willing to speak for so long, suicidal procrastination, and worthiness.

I don't feel great about this episode. I hope it has some value in it. I know I could not have said what I shared today two days ago without crying, so perhaps all the necessary value.

Personal Website | ⁠theandygrant.com⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | ⁠realmenfeel.org⁠ for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | ⁠https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

If you notice today's episode looking and sounding different, I'm on the road and don't have my usual setup.

Are you comfortable being alone? Can you enjoy your own company?

Often men will feel uncomfortable emotions if they are alone and in silence. I am an only child, so I'm used to being alone, but I'd always have music or a TV playing in the background. I wasn't a fan of absolute silence because I wasn't a fan of some of my thoughts.

Over the years and with lots of work and growth, I'm incredibly comfortable on my own and with the silence of only my mind. Growing up, I thought doing something in public alone meant you were a friendless loser. I'd miss movies and concerts that I wanted to see but couldn't find someone who wanted to go.

In recent years I've started going to movies alone and love it - no debate, no hesitation, no trying to convince someone. I've even gone to some concerts alone, too, and enjoyed myself and didn't feel judged. Earlier this year, I saw Anthrax in Boston on a Sunday night, and I knew even my friends who like Anthrax wouldn't go out on a Sunday night.

I'm in Toronto, Canada, for two weeks of training with the Modern Mystery School. I'm being recertified as a Guide, Healer, and Life Activation practitioner, then taking seven days of new classes. I drove up here alone, a 12-hour ride since I drive a Tesla and need to stop to charge every 90 minutes or so on the highway. But I had a blast. I could sing at the top of longs to a full day's worth of songs that I love. I explored new towns and stores at each new stop, and the weather was fantastic.

I drove here on Sunday, and today, Wednesday is the only day I don't have any classes. I planned to visit the Wonderland amusement park, which is just 10 miles away and has some great rides, including a world record-holding dive coaster -- that's when you pause at the top - - which, if you know me -- I love roller coasters. I had planned to do a show about enjoying yourself - and I don't mean masturbation - with lots of photos from today with me by myself on all sorts of cool rides.

But, another thing common on the path of spiritual growth and healing is resistance. Technically known as your shit, meaning your shit will come up when you go beyond your comfort zone and grow.

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel