Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions from sex addicts as well as betrayed spouses to help them through some of their biggest struggles this week. One question in particular stands out. A betrayed partner has been beaten down verbally by her sex addict. She has been internalizing messaging that his actions are her fault, along with her not being physically attractive or ‘good enough’. Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice for this woman and how she can seek resources to heal from the actions of her addict.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:45] My entire family is dysfunctional. I’m working on it, but as a result my daughter is an anxious mess. What can I do?

[3:50] You have to take care of yourself and set an example for your family.

[6:25] Does someone need to be in solid recovery for Dr. Eddie’s recovery group?

[8:05] My addict started accusing me. Sure enough, he’s acting out again with underage girls. What do I do?

[11:20] Most sex addicts aren’t looking at 12 year olds! This addiction goes deeper into offending behavior.

[14:30] What resources can I use to help build trust and safety with my partner?

[18:05] What type of questions should I ask when going to a therapist for sex addiction?

[21:00] Do the feelings of shame and anxiety ever go away?

[29:20] My SA still has an enmeshment with his mother. She still treats him like a child. Is this normal?

[33:15] I’m struggling to not take his behaviors personally, despite him blaming me for his actions. How can I heal?

[39:40] Should the addict be enrolled in two different 12 step programs?

[44:20] Dr. Rob highly encourages betrayed spouses to get an STD test!

[45:15] How can I get out of my own narcissism? I lie so much to myself that I believe it.

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

QUOTES

• “Addiction is a mental health issue. Your daughter needs to be evaluated and supported, regardless of what else is going on in the family.”

• “Mental health is different. Sometimes we have to give a little more, we have to bend a little more, we have to do things we might not do when we’re in addiction or recovery.”

• “We sometimes look at drinking and drug use as a replacement for an anxiety problem.”

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about a young mother of two who is struggling to deal with her acting out and abusive husband. She doesn’t want to break up the family and she’s scared for her future, but Dr. Rob and Tami offer a beacon of hope in what should be some of her next steps.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:05] After a betrayal, when does it make sense to have sexual intimacy again?

[9:35] He’s blaming me for his addiction and he’s relapsed. I don’t want to break up the family, so what should I do?

[15:40] Remember, none of this is your fault!

[20:15] Dr. Rob hates that there’s abuse going on in the home.

[24:35] So many addicts don’t realize that they’ll never find what they’re looking for.

[25:15] He says he’s in recovery. I don’t think he is. I want to secure our financial future. What should I do?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how an addict might be skirting the boundaries with his betrayed wife. Is flirtation seen as an active addiction, especially when the addict does it when his wife’s not around? The 1# thing addicts love is attention and/or admiration. So, they might be a little sneaky in how they get their fix.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:25] She says I ruined her life. Can I salvage this relationship?

[7:45] I don’t have a lot of money. Why is a CSAT necessary for my recovery?

[14:45] I’m acting out online with deep fetishes. Will it eventually escalate to in-person acting out?

[21:55] He says he just loves to flirt and that there’s nothing to worry about. If he’s handing out compliments to attractive women, is that considered “active” addiction?

[28:15] He keeps saying how he wants things to be back to normal. Is this some sort of sick joke?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss