Once upon a time on Long Walks and Robots...

The robots break down the performances of a couple of Philip K. Dickheads in "A Scanner Darkly."  Two questions.  How are they eating through those hoods, and are those cartoon boobs?  Then Shane Clifton Colins Jr'd Ryan.  Huh?  They watched "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood."  Ohhhh... he Clifton Colins Jr'd him.  Right.  Wait, what?

Moving on.  The bots also talk TV.  I remember seeing TV capitalized as a kid.  But as an adult, I feel like I've seen it lower case.  What if... my edible just kicked in?  Regardless, it seems as though Marvel's What if series is rather hit or miss.  I mean, how do you mess up zombie superheroes?  That's like having the rights to make a Batman film and then making a crappy movie... oh.  

Speaking of mediocrity, the season 5 two-episode finale of Rick and Morty didn't seem to stick the landing on an already shaky season.  Perhaps there are too many cooks in the kitchen.  Or rather, maybe there is a colossal conspiracy birthed from the very mind that gave genesis to this parody property.  Is Rick and Morty even considered a parody anymore?  Was it ever?  It was right?  Cause "Back to the Future."  How much did I take??

A truly jam-packed send-off for Ryan Bot.  Damn!  Two dash words in one sentence!  This man spittin'.  But seriously, a fantastic year-long voyage in cinema with our bot, and he will be missed.  Bruh, did you just drop another dash?  Now you just flexin'.  

Have no fear young robots!  Shane will return in thrice weeks (I don't think that's how you use that word) to crack open some cold movies and elaborate to fruition.  Will he be alone?  Will Filipino Steve make a triumphant return?  Will there be a female companion?  Prolly not.  But maybe!  But, prolly not.  Now go see Shang-Chi!!

You messed up that last sentence reading to yourself, didn't you?  

Until then... Please Stand By!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...

Ahh Mr. Black, you fail to disappoint once again.  The bots get all oily in the lug nuts over the lost Lethal Weapon storyline known as "The Last Boyscout."  Yippee ki..... what's that?  Oh!  That's not the movie?  Wait... really?  Ok, if you say so.  Well, not to be outdone by the bullets, tits, and guns; Gandolfini and Redford bring the heavy in the military prison drama, "The Last Castle."  When the warden's away, the inmates will play.  Be honest, have you ever even heard the word trebuchet? 

What if... the show's improving?  The stories of Marvel's newest small-screen endeavor seem to be trending vertically.  Episodes 3 and 4 provide Shane with a renewed outlook for the latter portion of the season.  However, Ryan is one more disappointment away from "heading to the store for some smokes."  

Also, with Shang-Chi now in theaters, Shane is going to brave the mega-city to imbibe cinema the good old-fashioned way.   Will he return with refueled hope for the new phase future, or perhaps with a nifty new variant?  Only time will tell.

All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...

Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...

Maniac!  The bots get uncomfortable watching a dark slasher through the enormous eyes of everyone's favorite hobbit, Elijah Wood.  Then Ryan and Shane transition to the lighter side of stalking via Chevy Chase and Christie Brinkley on the road to Walley World.  We takin a Vacation y'all!  And yeah, that's how you spell Walley World.  I googled it.  So there.

What if... this show didn't exist?  New Marvel you fickle mistress.  A bland showcase falls short of what could have been a spectacular display of diverse animated mediums.  The bots question the future vision of the MCU, and speculate on the projected box office success of films to come.

Finally, Ryan springs some somber news that may sour the upcoming 20th anniversary.  Hang in there buddy!  If Magic can beat it, so can you!  #1984

All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...

Enjoy!!