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The Invisible Orientation

An Introduction to Asexuality

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The Invisible Orientation

By: Julie Sondra Decker
Narrated by: Reay Kaplan
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What if you weren't sexually attracted to anyone?

A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren't sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation - like gay, straight, or bisexual.

Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that "everyone" wants sex, that "everyone" understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that "everyone" wants to date and mate. But that's where asexual people are left out - they don't find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that's okay.

When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as "asexual". Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.

In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.

©2014 Julie Sondra Decker (P)2014 Audible, Inc. LGBTQ+ Studies LGBTQIA+ Creators Love, Dating & Attraction Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Mental Health
Comprehensive Information • Valuable Resource • Beautiful Narration • Educational Content • Clear Explanations

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Highly repetitive, but it gets the point across.

I’d recommend this to anyone looking to learn more.

Awareness is Helpful

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Wonderful, eye opening information and beautiful narration. Thank you for creating something so meaningful and special for Aces and their allies.

Eye Opening

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Great writing about asexuality and what that means, but the last half hour or so is just a ton of websites and things read mechanically. I understand they're resources which can and should be spread, I just don't know why they couldn't have made an accompanying PDF for those.
Other than that, I really loved this, and will likely be sending it to friends and family if/when I come out.

Good informative writing, not the best narrator

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Asexuality is often dismissed, and this book attempts to bring the facts and show that asexual people to exist, that there is nothing wrong with them, and that their feelings and lives are valid.

The book seems to lie somewhere between lists of facts and a series of personal essays. I think it is a good first start in an area that seriously needs more attention and information.

It's a bit dry at times, but again, it is meant to be informative, not to be a riveting story.

Pick this up if you are asexual, or if you are curious or questioning. It is affirming and positive, and I do recommend it.

Much needed book on asexuality

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If you're looking for a very large amount of overarching information about what it is to be an ace and everything tangental to it, this is the book for you. I don't mean that in a bad way, however it is a lot. This is a good book if you genuinely are looking for more information than you probably want to know, but it's written out in a clinical dry kind of way. I'm ace, so reading this book had a lot of "yep, that's right" moments and a lot of "can I just skip this part because it's so boring. I already know all of this" parts. If you're looking for a book to suggest to a friend or a parent then I recommend something a bit more layman or perhaps something with a bit more anecdotal stories - something a bit more that hits at the heart strings or with a better perspective that can help non-aces relate. This book seems to be geared a lot towards aces and their partners, and how aces and their partners deal with relationships, so it's probably better if this is recommended to the partner of an ace that is trying to gather more information. All in all, this isn't a bad book, however it wouldn't be the first one I'd recommend to someone if I was trying to get them to understand what being an ace is, especially someone from the old generations (there are a lot of politically correct words in this book that might trigger them).

A massive overload of information

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This book was a thorough, but not inaccessible, examination of the asexual spectrum of orientations, points of intersectionality, needs, resources, and more. I would highly recommend this book to gain a better understanding of the spectrum and how not to cause harm to someone who identifies as ace. I gave a copy of this to my therapist who does a lot of work in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Great Coverage of a Misunderstood Orientation

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A very informative primer for the lay person as well as for those curious about asexuality. The author does a great job dissecting and dispelling the various myths, misunderstanding, and stigma around this little recognized orientation. While repetution can help drill concepts into the skeptics and the deniers, it gets tad tedious at times to the point I could finish the sentences for the author. Still, it gets a rec from me as a book that achieves what it sets out to do.

Very informative

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I couldnt finish this book after hearing the narrators pronunciation of mature. I cannot take seriously someone who says ma-tyor and not ma-choor. Might be a silly reason to stop a book...but this has grated on my ears for years.

Pronunciation grates on my nerves

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Like many people I've never thought much about Asexuality. I knew it existed, but it didn't concern me personally so I had no reason to delve into the subject. As I started this book I learned that I knew less than I imagined. It never occurred to me it was a sexual orientation. I had no idea about all the variations of Asexuality. If someone told me they were Ace I wouldn't even know what that was.

This book explains so much, and yet I feel that there's even more to learn. She has so many resources listed at the end that anyone could delve deeper if they wished.

I was looking for a book with a protagonist on the Ace Spectrum, but I struggled to choose a book because I didn't know anything. The author is Ace so I'm using this book. It's well written, but a little dry and repetitive. A solid 4 stars for me.

So much to learn. This is a great start

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What did you learn from The Invisible Orientation that you would use in your daily life?

It made me realize how much is left unseen by us just because we persistently reflect our own experience on others and neglect to even acknowledge that alternatives are not impossible and this from simple phrases regarded by society to be inexorably true such as "We're human, we all have (sexual) needs" to "We all need (romantic) love to be happy". You have found an ally in me.

Any additional comments?

The thing I'm grateful the most is that because of this book I now understand my peers and myself a little better.

This book needed to exist!

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