Far from the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity

This is one of the most intelligent, expansive, and interesting books I have ever listened to - but it is not for everyone. It is very long and some of the topics are distressing, but gripping. I have no children special or otherwise, but I am a retired special ed teacher and have always wondered how people dealt with having a disabled child.

Mr. Solomon does not "talk down" to the reader. He expects his reader to be well-educated and with a good vocabulary. His Ivy League education, intelligence and literacy infuse each page. I'm so glad Mr. Solomon narrated his own book. His voice is a little hard to get used to, but I grew to love the sound of it - and grew to love him as well. Only he could inflect the voices of the people he interviewed. I'm glad I took the time to listen to it instead of reading it. Hearing it made the book great to me. I don't think I would have enjoyed it nearly as much if I had read it. Listening forces you to slow down and hear each word. I am a very fast reader and miss a lot of detail and beauty of language - listening to books has opened up a new world of literature for me, and this non-fiction book is written so beautifully that I'm glad I heard every word.

If you are interested in this subject, have the time to sink yourself deeply into a fascinating new world, I highly recommend this beautiful book.

I don't know how I am going to go on to my next book. Andrew Solomon's voice, physically and emotionally, has found its way into my soul. If you are reading this review, you know what this book is about (is it dry, you ask?), you know it is very, very long and that some people have said that his narration is flawed.

The book has more than research; it weaves research with case studies that makes the research live and breathe and stay with you far longer than you can imagine (I usually read fiction!). It is very, very long, but I slowed the listening of it down at the very end because I couldn't bear not to be listening to these stories of profound courage. I relished its length.

And Andrew's voice (I am calling him Andrew because he shared his story with me) brings you carefully and warmly into these people's lives while delineating his comprehensive but not boring research. He doesn't compare to Colin Firth but who's comparing? It doesn't matter because once you get the cadence down, he is telling you a startling story and he will capture you. AND he is a beautiful writer.

I am grateful to have been able to listen to this book.

Eye-opening, poignant, triumphant

The forgiveness of a healthcare worker by parents whose MDS child who died because of a random careless act.

I believe a different narrator, not the author but a professional actor would elevate the experience of listening.

The question of correcting 'flaws' of nature in lieu of accepting a creature as created by God and by genetics, etc. creates a paradox with mixed feelings and a sense of knowing that either choice can be right or wrong but inevitably is irrevocable.

For parents and future parents because you never know if you will be a subject of such a book.

Recieving a new, different perspective on human diversity.

At first I actually thought is was a robot reader. He is flat, choppy, and sounds like a synthetic voice. I've heard him give interviews and he was vibrant and engaged; however, not so in the reading. I acatually considered not listening, but the content is worth putting up with the performance.

Hire a professional performer so the reading is as good as the content.

Growth occurs through connecting with all that is possible within any human.

A book that will change lives.

The morning of December 14, 2012, I had a long drive and intermittent NPR stations, so I continued to listen to "Far From the Tree". The printed book is 702 pages long, and it's about 40 Audible hours. I was on Chapter X, Crime.

The book is beautifully narrated, and author/narrator Andrew Solomon's pronounciation of difficult terms is flawless. Even so, it's a difficult listen.

I have often wished that Audible had a true Table of Contents, and never more than with this book. The chapters are (with thanks to Amazon print) I. Son; II.Deaf III. Dwarfs IV. Downs Syndrome V. Autism VI. Schizophrenia VII. Disabilities VIII. Prodigies IX. Rape X. Crime XI. Transgender XII. Father.

Each section could, on its own, be a separate book - with the exception of I. Son and XII. Father - combine those two, and those would make a book.

Dwight Garner and Julie Meyer, writing separate reviews for the New York Times in November, love the book unreservedly. After listening to "Columbine", I was thinking of using a credit for this new book. I purchased "Far From the Tree" right after reading Meyer's rhapsodic review.

I am the mother of two teenagers who would not be in any of Solomon's chapters, but each and every section made me ache with my love for them. The challenges of normal teenagers, with raging hormones, lightning fast mood changes, and their sudden bursts of astounding clarity pale in comparison to what Solomon's families face. I am a better parent to them knowing that they are 'normal'.

I'm not a physician, sociologist or therapist - I'm just a Mom. I gained real confidence in trying my best to be a good Mom from this book. It was the best 'parenting' book I've read since "What to Expect When You're Expecting" by Heidi Muroff and Sharon Mazel. The books are entirely different, but reading them has the same effect. I am more (not less) confident about my mothering because of these books.

Which brings me back to December 14, 2012, the day of the Newtown/Sandy Hook mass murder. I have been wondering since then whether Sue Klebold, if given the choice, would have rather have been in Nancy Lanza's position - killed before she knew what her son did. I suspect not, and I hope Solomon can answer the queston for us.


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I would absolutely recommend this book. Solomon has crafted a book that is astonishing in its scope, brilliant in its observations, and compassionate with its intensely personal material.

The depth of the research and the gentle and compassionate way that Solomon treats his subjects brings an incredible intimacy to each of his topics - deafness, down syndrome, autism, dwarfism, multiple severe disabilities, rape, crime - allowing the listener insight into issues and worlds of horizontal identities that might forever be out of sight to those not touched personally by the issues. His overarching thesis brings the threads of difference and disability together in a way that deeply affects the listener/reader.

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As the mother of a child on the autism spectrum, his discussion of autism was closest to my heart. However, it was in his discussion of the ways in which parenthood and children's identity create complex emotional issues that parents must navigate that I found profoundly moving.

In my opinion, anyone affected by any of the differences or disabilities he discusses would find this book deeply moving. However, it is also my opinion that any parent, or in fact anyone at all, would come away from this work with new perspectives on compassion, understanding, and the nature of identity. For this reason, I think everyone who reads or listens to this work will come away a better person.

Yes - this book is celebrates the differences in all of us while depicting the joys and sorrows of having children who create a new normal.

The mix of personal stories with research about every topic he writes about made this book flow. Many of the personal stories were heartbreaking or made you cringe. Then he would detail the research about the particular topic - then another story. Fantastic.

This book is 40 hours of listening. Reading through this book would have required an enormous amount of 'sitting' time. Listening allows the 'reader' to work out, cook, clean, do laundry, etc and makes each activity more enjoyable.

Yes it made me laugh and cry at various times.

Thank you

Andrew Solomon covered so much information in this book, but I wished there was more. The sign of a great scientist, he left me with so many questions: what about the children who aren't from affluent families? What will happen as these children age?
The author, as a narrator, was disappointing. I couldn't help but imagine him standing at a lectern presenting a paper to a large group of students. Instead, I wanted to envision him interacting with those he interviewed.
His material engaged me. His presentation didn't. I heartily recommend this book in spite of "the reader"

I would leave out more of the tedious, technical information

Perhaps to those with a child with one of the anomolies addressed in the book

I really disliked the author's narration. He voice was affected. His narration was slow. His delivery was dull.

Not really.

Aside from the occasional interesting profile, I would not recommend this book.

Once is enough -- well done.

The interview of the parents of Dylan -- one of the shooters in the Columbine shooting. Such a great job of showing a very different perspective -- I have great empathy and respect for them now.

It was well written -- many small stories in one package. Too much for one sitting. Often intense information. But I definitely wanted to go back to listen to more.

The book greatly stretched my perspectives and empathy for people living with the conditions and their parents. Especially the loneliness of parents with children with autism, the perspective of being the one that society stares at because they are different, and the immense difficulty of developing a personal identity when you are very different from and often not accepted by much of society.

The discussion of vertical vs horizontal relationships/family was very interesting.

I wish the author would have discussed more about the costs vs value to society of some of the conditions that he reviews -- such as his estimate that an autistic child costs about $5 million during their life but no discussion about the return on this investment for society. Schizophrenia is another topic he considers -- it is also very expensive. I have worked with severely retarded, autistic, and mentally ill people and see the huge costs -- with apparently very little return. He did not discuss what society receives from these costs other than diversity. Is the "diversity" worth the enormous cost? And is the "diversity" something that society even wants? It seems that the solution was usually more money, more services. But not much on the long term return for this money and services. And is this the best use, for society, of these resources? What if these resources were invested in people with potential to give more back to society? No easy answers but the discussion is needed. Resources are not unlimited.