You’ve got a business colleague who’s hostile...a client who’s furious...a staffer who’s deeply cynical—how do you get people to do what you want in tough situations like these? In Just Listen, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals the secret to how to get through to anyone, even when productive communication seems impossible.“Here's the challenge,” Mark says. “People have their own needs, desires, and agendas. They have secrets they’re hiding from you. And they’re stressed, busy, and often feeling like they’re in over their heads. To cope, they throw up barricades that make it difficult to reach them even when your goals are in sync with their own.”But the good news is that there are simple strategies that can make you compelling, and break down the walls that keep you from getting through to the people you need to buy into your ideas and goals. Just Listen presents remarkably effective tools and techniques you can use whenever a job, a sale, or a relationship hangs in the balance.How effective are Mark’s techniques? One of his areas of expertise is training FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life-or-death situations. “The same tips I teach these professionals for building empathy, de-escalating conflict, and gaining buy-in will work in any situation,” Mark says. “Whether you’re a new employee fresh out of school, a salesperson, or a CEO, once you master these skills you can take them wherever you go in your career.” And Mark has proven these strategies in his own 30-year career as a business coach at companies such as GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Kodak, Federal Express, Hyatt, and Disney.
With this powerful yet engaging audio book, you’ll learn how to:
”Barricades between people become barriers to success, progress, and happiness; so getting through is not just a fine art, but a crucial skill. Just Listen gives you the techniques and confidence to approach the unreachable people in your life, and turn frustrating situations into productive outcomes and rewarding relationships.
©2009 Mark Goulston (P)2011 Gildan Media Corp
“Goulston’s book delivers on his promise. Read it and you will discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone, and I mean anyone!” (Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul)
Some helpful general information. I would have to say that a good deal of the information provided here was common sense. There was also quite a bit of information and tactics that were very unrealistic. The communication or engagement examples seemed exaggerated and not life-real to me, and certainly not applicable to most peoples everyday lives. The focus seemed to be on helping extroverts and type-A personalities listen to those around them better. I have the opposite personality, so I felt the author was not always talking to me.
I have no doubt that Mark is an incredible counselor and hostage negotiator, but I was looking more for an everyday guide to communicating better and more efficiently with those people that I manage in my small non-CEO world.
With that said, I do plan to go back over my notes and try to apply some of his strategies in "better listening" with my work & family life. Maybe I should listen to the book again, and be a better listener. Not a terrible listen, just not my favorite.
About 1/3 of the way through this book I was still doubting it's depth. It promises to give some pretty powerful insights at the beginning, and I was not initially getting that. But eventually the book does deliver on it's promise. His stories of real-life interventions paint a clear picture of the source of many of our day-to-day problems. Since we are so busy, we develop fast ways of interacting with our world in a kind of one-dimensional way. We tend to see things from one simple perspective: our own.
I'm in sales, and often find myself sitting across from someone who is closed off and not letting me in. After all, I am trying to sell them something. But after listening to this book, I have a way to go beyond the transaction and connect with the person. What are they feeling? Is it fear, anger, insecurity? How can I make them "feel felt"? If I slow down and recognize that their needs are real and not just distractions to be talked over, we can communicate. That can result in a sale which I might not otherwise have gotten, which is good. But it nearly always results in better communication, which plays a very important part in all the other things I would like to accomplish in life. Thank you, Mark. Well Done.
Just Listen held my interest--it combines physiologic reasons for why we behave and react the way we do, and then it offers a lot of examples and illustrations. The practical advice and techniques are usable and helpful. I immediately put some of the techniques to work!
I enjoyed many of the stories--from the hostage situation to the executive preoccupied with his wife's biopsy. The narrator is compelling, using good voice inflection and emotion.
I have not. Mr. Dixon's narration was as good as any I have heard.
There are many ideas that I will use. I have already used the one about telling an employee that I should improve his environment to incentivize him to work harder. I would also like to start using the
It was interesting that many of the techniques are similar to those in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People!
Looking to make the best me I can
Very vibrant and exciting information eye opening and very honest outlook
It does not place blame in any one person but on all for true problem solving
I was very moved when I found out all the things I was doing wrong and how I could be the problem as well as others perception to me
I listened to this book 3 times and learned a lot each time I did take your time and make the best of it that you can
The tone of the book is like that of a car salesman--not the smooth, unctuous persuasive sort, but the loud obnoxious kind for whom the most basic social queues are entirely enigmatic. The kind that accidentally chases people away and can't figure why. I expect the author started in sales and took psychology to understand why he couldn't manipulate people the way he wanted. Still ... points to him, i bought his book.
His tactics include mirroring to invite dialogue (which is fine but old advice, and entirely basic) and breathing through ones nose to calm down out of "animal mode" (who hasn't seen this on TV?). This book might have been the product of an epiphany (or several) for the author, but I can't imagine it would benefit anyone with an average emotional IQ.
I became embarrassed for listening to it, and became frustrated because he seemed to want to teach listening as a tactic rather than a practice; as a "means" rather than an "end." As though listening were a necessary evil for gathering attention, influence, or affection and not valuable in itself. (Why not simply listen because people need to be listened to?) I bought this wanting to improve my listening ability, not to trick people into talking to me, not to "appear interested", and not to get people to like me. The author is too often trying to teach how to appear interested and sincere as though sincerity were not natural and people were not already interesting. Also the author is so frequently the hero of his stories and so often beings them with I, I, I, me, me, me that it counts against his claims of being an extraordinary listener. No one likes to spend time with someone as enamored with himself as the author seems to be. The title though "just listen" is sound advice.
This book walks through the details of how to actually listen to anyone, and how to get through to those who may be difficult to deal with. This book has changed my interactions at work and enabled me to be a more effective communicator and leader. Would recommend to anyone who is interested in self-improvement, especially in the areas of communication.
The reader was easy on the ears (I wish he read every book I wanted to listen to!)
An audio book full of real life examples, very practical answers, good intonation, applicable in business and family life! An excellent book for me, hope that many people could listen/read it!
Excellent book that goes into listening as well as questioning and leading conversations. He goes beyond the standard mirroring and focusing on others that most books on listening suggest. It also included some powerful suggestions on sales lines. On the downside there were parts I would skip for they were a little presumptuous and other parts that I do not agree with. However, there were enough great parts to recommend this book.
I have listened to it 4 times now and will continue listening because there is so much valuable information you can use in many situations to connect with another human being.
The world would truly be a much better place if more people knew and used the information in this book.
I like his use of the pronouns "she" and "her" instead of the overused "he" and "him".
Mr Dixon brings the examples to life. It is so easy to listen to and helps you retain the information.
I was inspired by Dr. Goulston's integrity in giving credit to so many other people when he used a tip or idea from someone else. It's one thing to give credit to somebody's published works but to give credit to someone else for something they said shows me that Dr. Goulston is a person you can trust.
This only proves to me he is about credibility and not manipulation.
Before I downloaded the audio I browsed the reviews and noticed some mixed feelings. I think those that have made neutral or negative comments are really missing the point. It's kinda funny actually because they are exhibiting the exact behavior of those that don't listen.
I wondered if the book would just be a bunch of artificial scripts or information on how to really listen. I was pleasantly surprised how much genuine, honest information this book has on becoming a better listener and a better human being. It reminded me of Steven Covey's story about the current personality almost artificial based literature verses the older principle based literature he discovered. This may be a current publication but the information is based on timeless principles.
In today's "Information Age" the listening skills this book will help you develop will only put you in the front of the line in effectiveness.
I am writer, blogger, mom of two girls, book-nerd, coffee lover, literacy advocate, media addict, aspiring photographer and soon to become p
I would say thanks Dr. Mark Goulson for this insightful book of yours. I, for one, have tremendously enjoyed the book. In fact, I found it so interesting that I listened to it twice and some of the chapters more than 3 times to indgrain the message.
It's true: if you read/ listen to Carnegie's "How to make friends and influence people", you will find Dr. Mark Goulston's advice is very similar with that of Dale Carnegie's. To the author's credit, even Carnegie says in his book that most of his advice stems from lessons learned long ago by our predecessors. I don't see a problem in reiterating good advice.
What I like about the book, that the author gives examples for how to deal with very common situation and he gives it in a simple step-by-step fashion. Critics might find some of the examples not relevant for everyone as they are more directed towards corporate world but I found them informative and could also relate to them in the context of the personal life. As an aspiring psychotherapist, I would definately listen to this book when there would come an urge to make people feel "felt" :)!
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