The Scaffold Effect

Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant, and Secure Kids in an Age of Anxiety

By: Harold S. Koplewicz

Narrated by: Harold S. Koplewicz

Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins

Publisher's summary

Prevent and counteract the general anxiety and emotional fragility prevalent in children and teenagers today - a new parenting philosophy and strategies that give children the tools to flourish on their own.

“A master synthesizer of attachment science, medical practice, and his own experience as a father, Harold Koplewicz capably and compassionately leads us through the art of scaffolding, from early childhood through the important adolescent period.” (Daniel J. Siegel, MD, author of The Whole Brain Child)

Just as sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building and will come down when the structure grows stable, good parenting provides children with steady and warm emotional nourishment on the path toward independence. Never-ending parental problem-solving and involvement can have the opposite effect, enabling fragility and anxiety over time.

In The Scaffold Effect, world-renowned child psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz introduces the powerful and clinically tested idea that this deliberate build-up and then gradual loosening of parental support is the single most effective way to encourage kids to climb higher, try new things, grow from mistakes, and develop character and strength. Explaining the building blocks of an effective scaffold from infancy through young adulthood, he expertly guides parents through the strategies for raising empowered, capable people, including:

• Lay a solid foundation: The parent-child relationship needs to be made from the concrete mixture of emotional availability, positive reinforcement, clear messaging, and consistent rules. From this supportive base, your will forge a bond that will survive adolescence and grow stronger into adulthood.
• Empower growth: Skyscraper or sprawling ranch - the style of your child’s construction is not up to you! Scaffold parenting validates and accommodates the shape the child is growing into. Any effort to block or control growth will actually stunt it.
• Stay on their level: Imagine being on the ground floor of a house and trying to talk to someone on the roof. The person on the roof will have to “talk down” to you or yell. If your child’s building and your scaffold are on the same level, you can speak directly, look each other in the eye, and keep the lines of communication open.

Drawing on Dr. Koplewicz’s decades of clinical and personal experience, The Scaffold Effect is a compassionate, street-smart, and essential guide for the ages.

All of the author’s proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to the Child Mind Institute.

©2021 Harold Koplewicz (P)2021 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“With a unique mix of personal anecdote and professional insight, [Dr. Koplewicz] breaks with received wisdom, delivers up some eye-opening surprises - and sends the greatly reassuring message to parents that, if we take care of ourselves, our kids will be okay.” (Judith Warner, author of And Then They Stopped Talking to Me and Perfect Madness)

“The Scaffold Effect is written with so much understanding and so much sympathy, for both children and their parents. Harold Koplewicz brings science and clinical experience together with his own family experiences to create a book that is always practical and compassionate, and manages to be firm, gentle, and encouraging in all the right ways.” (Perri Klass, MD, professor of journalism and pediatrics at NYU and author of A Good Time to Be Born: How Science and Public Health Gave Children a Future)

“Scaffold parenting...shares the ‘sweet spot’ between permissive and controlling parenting...(and) reminds caregivers that it is never too late to help your children become the bes­t versions of themselves, which is all any parent can hope for.” (Booklist­­­)

Great listen

Loved listening to Dr. Koplewicz and his ideas behind Scaffold Parenting. I feel more confident dealing with every day issues and questions my children throw at me!

Helpful tools and reminders

We all think we are good parents, but this book is a reminder that none of us know everything. Parenting is difficult, and you can always improve. Building a relationship with the child you have, and not trying to build the child you think you should have, will allow you to see how amazing the human you are raising is. This book was helpful for me as I begin the high school years with my teens. A must read for every parent to read and re-read at different stages in life.

Toddlers or teenagers this book has wisdom

Whether you are raising toddlers young kids or teenagers I was struck with the down to earth wisdom of this book and practical

Great listen

I liked the easy steps at the end of each chapter and would recommend this to everyone with young kids before they enter school which was a big transition towards independence in our house

Mom of 3 year olds

I loved this book! While it’s not necessarily for toddlers, it will help me frame my parenting skills as they age!

What a fabulous read!

Thank you Dr. Koplewicz! I have 3 children who are elementary and middle schoolers and I nodded my head along with the entire book all the way to the very last sentence! What a brilliant way to look at parenting and help guide ME through my challenges of their growth.

Time-worthy

Thanks author for sharing his knowledge. This was a good listen overall. I have 2 criticisms:
1. Narration could have been better. Author’s non-professional reading actually degraded the experience a bit for me.
2. It feels like author’s advices conflict at times. On the one hand we should respect our kid’s decision and not force him to do a certain activity, on the other hand push him to be more outgoing and do a certain activity.

I'm so glad I listened to this book.

They say that kids don't come with manuals. They are wrong. This book has and will continue to help me be a better parent to my child. I owe the writer a debt of gratitude. Thank you for your commitment to our children.

Read this!

Every single parent should read this book!! I have read many parenting books - this is #1 for every single parent, regardless of their children’s unique struggles.

One of the BEST parenting books I've read

strongly suggest to parents and educators. love the anecdotes and metaphor. really made the advice stick.