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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
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Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night, Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world.
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Publisher's summary
Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one.
Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world: a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to "survive". Because even after it's over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.
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Sabina Kane doesn't really fit in. And being an assassin doesn't help matters. But she's never brought her work home. Until now. Sabina's latest mission is uncomfortably complex and threatens the fragile peace between the vampire and mage races. As she scrambles to figure out which side she's on, she uncovers a tangled political web, some nasty facts about her family, and some unexpected new talents. Any of these things could be worryingly life changing, but together they could be lethal.
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One of the Worst Books I've "Read"
- By BestBooksBestPrice on 09-12-12
By: Jaye Wells
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The Book of Levi
- The Demon Accords, Book 0.5
- By: John Conroe
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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How do you raise a boy who can bend reality with his mind? How do you keep him levelheaded, sane, and good? Raising any child is a tremendous undertaking, let alone one blessed by the goddess herself. Levi Guildersleeve, retired soldier and successful collector of rare books, finds himself as the only male role model of the most powerful witch ever born.
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This could have been amazing, went on too long.
- By Justin on 11-22-22
By: John Conroe
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Kitty and The Midnight Hour
- Kitty Norville, Book 1
- By: Carrie Vaughn
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Kitty Norville is a midnight-shift DJ for a Denver radio station---and a werewolf in the closet. Sick of lame song requests, she accidentally starts "The Midnight Hour," a late-night advice show for the supernaturally disadvantaged. After desperate vampires, werewolves, and witches across the country begin calling in to share their woes, her new show is a raging success.
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BILL CLINTON WAS A WEREWOLF
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 09-27-17
By: Carrie Vaughn
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Graveyard Shift
- By: Michael F. Haspil
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Alex Menkaure, former pharaoh and mummy, and his vampire partner, Marcus, born in ancient Rome, are vice cops in a special Miami police unit. They fight to keep the streets safe from criminal vampires, shape-shifters, bootleg blood dealers, and anti-vampire vigilantes. When poisoned artificial blood drives vampires to murder, the city threatens to tear itself apart. Only an unlikely alliance with former opponents can give Alex and Marcus a fighting chance against an ancient vampire conspiracy.
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Vampires and humans living in harmony?
- By Anne on 03-23-18
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Vampire Academy
- By: Richelle Mead
- Narrated by: Stephanie Wolf
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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St. Vladimir’s Academy isn’t just any boarding school—it’s a hidden place where vampires are educated in the ways of magic, and half-human teens train to protect them. Rose Hathaway is a Dhampir, a bodyguard for her best friend Lissa, a Moroi Vampire Princess. They’ve been on the run, but now, they’re being dragged back to St. Vladimir’s—the very place where they’re most in danger....
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Narrator is awful. They should re-record this book!
- By Amazon Customer on 12-18-18
By: Richelle Mead
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Way of the Wolf: Shifter Legacies 1
- By: Mark E. Cooper
- Narrated by: Mikael Naramore
- Length: 18 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Doctor David Lephmann wants nothing more than to learn about and help the less fortunate, and his new post at Mercy Hospital is the perfect place to do both. His mentor is desperate for the help, and welcomes him to a world of nonhuman customs and strange magics. One night after a long day at the hospital, David is confronted by the reality of life among monsters, when he intervenes in a fight he knows nothing about. He takes a side, and his life is changed forever.
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Vamps Wolves and more
- By Pat on 02-01-15
By: Mark E. Cooper
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Blood Song
- Blood Singer, Book 1
- By: Cat Adams
- Narrated by: Arika Escalona
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Bodyguard Celia Graves has definitely accepted her share of weird assignments, both human and supernatural. But her newest job takes the cake. Guarding a prince from terrorists and religious fundamentalists is hard enough, but it seems like the entire supernatural world is after this guy too. When she is betrayed by those she is employed to help, and everything goes horribly wrong, Celia wakes to find herself transformed. Neither human nor vampire, Celia has become an abomination-something that should not exist-and now both human and supernatural alike want her dead.
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Blood Song
- By Andrew on 05-15-12
By: Cat Adams
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Discount Armageddon
- InCryptid, Book 1
- By: Seanan McGuire
- Narrated by: Emily Bauer
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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The Price family has spent generations studying the monsters of the world, working to protect them from humanity - and humanity from them. Enter Verity Price. Despite being trained from birth as a cryptozoologist, she'd rather dance a tango than tangle with a demon, and is spending a year in Manhattan while she pursues her career in professional ballroom dance. Sounds pretty simple, right?
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I love this book!
- By a on 11-21-12
By: Seanan McGuire
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Storm Front
- The Dresden Files, Book 1
- By: Jim Butcher
- Narrated by: James Marsters
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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A call from a distraught wife, and another from Lt. Murphy of the Chicago PD Special Investigation Unit makes Harry believe things are looking up, but they are about to get worse, much worse. Someone is harnessing immense supernatural forces to commit a series of grisly murders. Someone has violated the first law of magic: Thou Shalt Not Kill. Tracking that someone takes Harry into the dangerous underbelly of Chicago, from mobsters to vampires....
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Excellent Story, Distracting Sound Engineering
- By Tom on 05-20-10
By: Jim Butcher
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An Unattractive Vampire
- By: Jim McDoniel
- Narrated by: Drew Campbell
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly. Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good.
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Blood, Guts and lots of laughs!
- By Aaron on 08-27-16
By: Jim McDoniel
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Dead to Me
- Simon Canderous, Book 1
- By: Anton Strout
- Narrated by: David DeVries
- Length: 9 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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A new urban fantasy featuring a man working on the right side of the law - with talents that come from left field. Psychometry - the power to touch an object and divine information about its history - has meant a life of petty crime for Simon Canderous, but now he's gone over to the good side. At New York's underfunded and (mostly) secret Department of Extraordinary Affairs, he's learning about red tape, office politics, and the basics of paranormal investigation. But it's not the paperwork that has him breathless.
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Fun - worth the credit
- By BikeVON on 08-03-12
By: Anton Strout
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Bitten
- The Otherworld Series, Book 1
- By: Kelley Armstrong
- Narrated by: Aasne Vigesaa
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elena Michaels is the world’s only female werewolf. And she’s tired of it. Tired of a life spent hiding and protecting, a life where her most important job is hunting down rogue werewolves. Tired of a world that not only accepts the worst in her–her temper, her violence—but requires it. Worst of all, she realizes she’s growing content with that life, with being that person.
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Definitely written in the 2000s
- By Kathy Kuwano on 07-16-22
By: Kelley Armstrong
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What listeners say about The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Sugarpucker
- 08-10-15
Stories are great, not crazy about the format
This book is deftly summed up by its title. The stories are pretty good. The premise is interesting, all the characters are great. There is also pretty good plot and character development despite one major flaw. This is essentially a collection of short stories in chronological order. This format is problematic because it interrupts the flow of the story. Additionally, you get a recap at the start of each story. This is the most annoying bit. Recaps are great when you waited a long time for the next installment to come out, but when you are listening to them consistently and consecutively, the recaps get a little tedious. Otherwise it's great. Despite this, I will probably pick up the next installment when it comes out on audible. It wasn't enough to turn me off completely. If the next one is like this, however, I may not continue. Kirby Heyborne is spot on in his narration, no problems there.
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261 people found this helpful
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- sherri
- 09-18-16
Fun for a While
I was delighted with the opening story but wasn't happy to discover this is a compendium of linked stories rather than a novel. There is a bit of overall plot and character development through the book-- i.e. Fred discovers hidden talents-- but the same narrative arc repeats itself in each story to such an extent that they become predictable. The book was saved by a nice twist at the end, making it an overall fun experience but frustrating because it could have been better. The repetitive background explanations were not even edited out of each story.
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117 people found this helpful
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- Greg Hill
- 09-25-15
Utterly Awesome!
I thought I had had just about enough of vampires. I've been doing the vampires thing since the early 90's with White Wolf games, and Ann Rice novels. I thought I had seen it all, and I was surely not going to be sucked in again. No, not me. No one else was going to beat that undead horse on my dime. Then Drew Hayes released a damn vampire book.
On the strength of his other titles, I eventually gave in and got it. It's not my favorite Drew Hayes novel, but it might be my favorite vampire novel.
Fred is a great character, easily fun enough to excuse his being a vampire, and his scooby gang of friends expands with each tale, and they are all really cool. Each of them shows off that Drew Hayes knew what he was doing, sucking us in with the most tired, cliche of the big ticket monsters and then blowing socks off with his interesting take on the rest of the supernatural zoo.
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104 people found this helpful
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- Aaron Brown
- 03-21-15
Loved the title...but this was riveting...
I almost didn't get this book. I listened to NPCs and found it clever and fun and that brought this one on my radar. The title sounded amusing, but it also sounded like one of those stories that would lag after the initial idea wore thin (a Vampire Accountant). But the author did a good job of continually adding a colorful cast that kept it fresh. Plus Fred the vampire stays true to his mild mannered roots and never loses his appeal. The author stays away from the temptation of turning Freddy into a badass and making him like every other vampire anti hero out there. If you have a sense of humor you will enjoy.
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- David W Cochrane
- 05-29-18
Too much of a good thing.
Starting out this was a highly entertaining set of short stories. Great premise. Wonderful main character. Interesting secondary characters. Also masterfully performed by Kirby Heyborne.
Perhaps if one takes this in small doses it would be tolerable. It was too repetitive. The main character's constant reference to his foibles became tedious. Yes. He is not the cinema's ideal vampire. We got that the first time. And the second time. Third time. Etc.
"Hell is repetition." Andre Linoge. Storm of the Century by Steven King.
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- Diana
- 03-09-15
Entertaining, story of a mild-mannered vampire
that wears sweaters and loafers.
This is, apparently and confusingly, a set of stories in series, that adds characters with each episode and spends some time reviewing and reintroducing and reminding the reader (listener) about previous events. The author and editor would have done well to just smooth all that out - it would work fine for "story time" at a school, but is annoying for an adult reader.
And, there is another bit of confusion here. The story could easily be made for children or young adults, except there is a bit of adult language in there, and at the end of the last story the author (as if afraid this was going to end up being a children's book) was heavy handed with foul language.
The characters Drew Hayes created are wonderfully imaginative and very 3-D, described in detail and with interesting personalities, gifts, and histories. The plot is adequate in getting the characters out and about and into and out of situations and interacting with each other.
It's almost as if these stories were published before they were given more time and effort and with a couple more drafts of work by the author with a good editor demanding *more!* this would have been a great book.
It was still enjoyable, even though flawed. Entertaining, and unfortunately due to the language, not recommended for kids.
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- Mario
- 04-17-15
Just your friendly neighborhood bloodsucker
We are given characters that are genuine, an original take on the urban fantasy and overall heartfelt stories.
Fred is fresh take on the cliche vampire badass. He might be a vampire but he is still a mild-mannered accountant. He is a coward and yet he still manages to brave when the chips are down.
This is a series of stories that introduces a new character in each story and each one is awesome!!!
From Krystal his high school best friend to his zombie assistant Albert to the werepony Bubba.
Drew Hayes has my deepest respect this is a fun easy listen that well worth your money or credit
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- K
- 08-06-15
A light, humorous detour through the paranormal
Fred, the Vampire Accountant reads more like a collection of short stories, or perhaps it would be better compared to a television series. The characters are an interesting lovable bunch, and it plays like a series with everything wrapping up at the end of each tale, but with tidbits hinting at a long overarching story. I don't think it will ever win any awards for complexity, but Fred, the Vampire Accountant is a pleasant listen that will make you laugh. There seems to be plenty of set-up for a second volume, and I enjoyed this one enough to look forward to a sequel. As a final note, I will say Kirby Heyborne (the Narrator) seemed especially well suited for the main character.
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- Erin D.
- 06-20-17
Truth is in the title
It was a struggle to finish. The narration was almost monotone. The story is unremarkable. Not a lot to make it a very compelling recommendation.
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- Laura L.
- 03-04-17
A collection of short stories
This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?
People who don't have the patience to read a full story.
Has The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant turned you off from other books in this genre?
maybe
What about Kirby Heyborne’s performance did you like?
Good reading.
Any additional comments?
The story reminded me very strongly of the Dresden Files. In those books, each single book is a complete story and you are really drawn into their world. With this book (Fred), the author doesn't fully get into any one story. It's just a collection of short incomplete stories and just as the story is getting interesting it ends and the author starts a new story. I would recommend the Dresden Files to anyone who liked the stories in the Fred book but was left wanting for much much more.
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