Unconditional Parenting

Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

By: Alfie Kohn

Narrated by: Alfie Kohn

One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 Tantor

The best book on parenting I've read

As a mental health professional, you'd think that I would already know much of the information in this book. but this book for me was groundbreaking. While I have had a considerable amount of training on behavioral strategies and a lot of information found in many popular parenting books, this approach to parenting is refreshing and at the same time makes so much sense - as a human being wanting, to take care of, teach, coach, guide, and relate to my kids in a respectful manner. I can't say enough good things about this book. Definitely worth a read.

world shattering

as a teenager, this book comforted me during and after fights with my parents. I wish they used these alternatives, and I will re-read this book as a bible when I have my own <3

Thoughtful and engaging

I really liked this book. Makes you think and hopefully makes you more patient with your child and perhaps even other people.

mindblowing

this book changed my mind about how to raise children. it changed my mind about how i SEE children. i loved that it was narrated by the author himself. the arguments he presents are very compelling and well explained. loved it. highly recommend.

Parenting help

This is a must read for all parents. It really changed they way I thing of how I am raising my son. I will be using a lot of this insight.