The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?

A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go

By: Patricia Evans

Narrated by: Laural Merlington

Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins

Publisher's summary

In this groundbreaking follow-up to her best-selling books The Verbally Abusive Relationship and Controlling People, Patricia Evans goes beyond identifying verbally abusive behaviors to prescribing a course of action for both victim and abuser. Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Evans gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.

Combining practical applications and the latest clinical research with her trademark support and assurance, Evans shows you how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.

©2012 Patricia Evans (P)2013 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

We knew the answer all along

The author attempts to answer the question each of us have asked ourselves. Perhaps it works for a rare insightful men. We knew all along they are not going to change. I found the audiobook worth listening to, anyway, a welcome change from the usual advice to run to a shelter. Good luck, ladies.

I strongly recommend this

Context: I’ve been a relationship for 9+ years. I paired this with the other audio book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

I liked the performance. The narrator does a good job emphasizing the point. The story/content is valuable. It was able to explain and help me plan/proceed with how I wanted to handle my verbally abusive relationship. We are going to therapy together, while that may not be the end all be all, my partner is really doing this because he WANTS to for himself. I followed the steps to the best of my ability from the book, and it really determined our place in the relationship. 10/10 I would definitely recommend this to someone who feels as though they are not heard in the relationship.

Excellent book. Eye-opening.

The book is well written and helped me understand things much more. The explanations and examples are incredibly helpful.

Worst narrater ever!

What didn’t you like about Laural Merlington’s performance?
She sounded like a tape recorder does when it is put on the slow motion function; it was almost painful at times to listen to her.

amazing

highly recommend
change is essential
an insight ful perspective to the thinking and behaviors of venally abusive

Necessary for women and men alike

This book clearly defines verbal abuse and highlights a means of either correcting the behavior in a relationship or emboldens women to leave when hope is truly lost.

Life Saving

This is my first time reading The Verbally Abusive Man.
I also just finished “Controlling People” for second time in the last 10 years. First time was recommended by my marriage counselor. I knew without a douby my husband was controlling. But; by the time I was done with that book, I also realized I had controlling behaviors as well. Unexpectedly, it also taught me how I was defining my daughter and controlling her as well. A lot of my terminology in day to day parenting and conversations changed. I stopped telling my daughter things like “you’re not hungry, your body is just tired, and you need to go back to bed and get sleep”.

I changed it to, “I understand. You could very well be hungry. Usually, when we need to eat it’s because we need more calories for energy. You just had dinner 2 hours ago, and it’s time for bed. Sometimes the body confuses being tired with being hungry. When we need to eat our body releases a hormone called ghrelin that makes us think “I’m hungry”. And, when we’re overly tired, or stressed, the same hunger-sparking hormones appear and gives us hunger pangs...” Then, after a couple questions and a glass of water, or maybe even a compromise like a stick of celery, she was off to bed. I didn’t realize the importance of these things until reading this book. Her book isn’t about parenting necessarily. But, rather it outlines a lot of how the result of parental abuse can lead to kids being abusive and controlling adults. In the end, after reading this book, my husband became physically abusive and that led to divorce. I’m now remarried and don’t want to repeat history. After to my new husband (same text book pattern) he beccame verbally abusive. This time, it was a lot easier to see and understand as a result of my past.

This book “The Verbally Abusive Man” gave me tools on how to respond and handle it, and “The Agreement”. My husband and I now live seperatly while working on our marriage, as he continues to go to counseling to resolve his childhood hurts and communication styles. Meanwhile, my daughter and I are healing and recovering from the trauma and attend counseling as work to towards bringing our family back together again. It hasn’t been easy ... but I think it’ll be worth it. THANK YOU PATRICIA EVANS for saving my life. and my spirit.

Gives you an Action Plan

It was a comprehensive discussion on verbal abuse. Patricia describes how historically women have been told who they are and what they think & feel by men. It provides real-life examples of what statements are abusive. Confessions from partners who've experienced the abuse and the abusers themselves. She walks through a step-by-step plan to help make your decision to stay or end the relationship. Calling out that change is essential.

A gift to the emotionally violated

Patricia Evans is a brilliant, compassionate author. There is no author I've found who gets down into the deepest trenches of relational dynamics to explain the underlying issues of so many relationships. You could see countless therapists and not even come close to having your confusion, pain, and emotional anguish validated as you would in this book and the others by Evans. The next steps and tools provided in this book are a great addition to the other books that focus more on discovery and gaining knowledge and validation. Evans takes her profound gift in understanding controlling and verbally abusive behaviors one step further and provides guidance to help you figure out if your partner can change. I'm afraid you may never pick up this book because you aren't aware of what verbal abuse really is and how subtle it can be. It may sound like something you've never had to deal with, and you might be thanking God you haven't when you actually have! I challenge you to open your mind and discover how prevalent verbal abuse really is. Perhaps even those of us who rarely indulge in abusive behaviors would rather never indulge but didn't know we were doing so. We have grown so much as a society, but we have a long way to go. Oppression comes in many forms and Evans is leading the path to recovery for all of us.

Perfect capstone

This book is a perfect capstone to Patricia Evans the verbally abusive relationship and controlling people.