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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert | [John M.; Nan Gottman; Silver]

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship.
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Publisher's Summary

Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Gottman has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage:

  • Maintain a love map
  • Foster fondness and admiration
  • Turn toward instead of away
  • Accept influence
  • Solve solvable conflicts
  • Cope with conflicts you can't resolve
  • Create shared meaning

Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for any couple who wants their relationship to realize its highest potential.

©1999 John Gottam, Ph.D. and Nan Silver (P)2011 Tantor

What the Critics Say

"Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best of qualifications: he's got the spirit of a scientist and the soul of a romantic." (Newsweek)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.0 (177 )
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  •  
    Jason 11-16-11
    Jason 11-16-11

    JCOENG

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    "DON'T BUY THIS AUDIO BOOK WITHOUT PRINT TOO"

    This book was written with many tables, surveys, forms etc. They are all read aloud and in a non-logical order so they make no sense at all!

    I bought this then had to buy the kindle version just so I could read the tables and use the forms. Ridiculous waste of money.

    Content was good but I could have received that through the kindle version in a cheaper, more productive and less infuriating form.

    20 of 20 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Nield fitzroy north, Australia 09-13-11
    Nield fitzroy north, Australia 09-13-11 Member Since 2011
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    "Get the book"

    It doesn't really work as an audio. Lots of exercises that he works through quickly and you need a hard copy to be able to do them. There's not much of his theory, more of his tools. If you are wanting tools its good if you are wanting theory, not so good...

    14 of 14 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Becca 07-17-13
    Becca 07-17-13 Member Since 2012

    Rebecca

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    "Highly Recommended, buy the hard copy too."
    What made the experience of listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work the most enjoyable?

    My husband and I have a 30 yr strong marriage but it's had it's share of troubles. We went to counseling for a year and it was helpful, but I wish I'd had this book many years sooner. This book has been more insightful and helpful than counseling was. I can't wait to see how the next 30 years of marriage turns out.


    What about John Allen Nelson’s performance did you like?

    The reader does a great job, I felt like I was in a conversation rather than a book. He is easy to listen to and punctuates very well.


    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Thomas Portlaoise, Ireland 12-27-12
    Thomas Portlaoise, Ireland 12-27-12 Member Since 2011

    Amscutellata

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    "Good Book but................."

    I think the book is good with lots of practical advice. However one thing that I found annoying was the narration of lists. For example there are numerous self-assessment exercises in the book where you are supposed to choose from different options. For a written book it is easy to scan down and choose the correct option and move on. For an audio book narration of lists of options can put the listener to sleep! Apart from that one annoyance the book has solid information.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Murilo 06-20-14
    Murilo 06-20-14 Member Since 2012
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    "Great literature for traditional marriage problems"
    Would you consider the audio edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work to be better than the print version?

    Yes, because I always prefer audiobooks. No need to read full questionaries and exercise lists though. For those you should buy the e-book version.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work?

    The four horsemen which can be easily identified to quickly predict if your marriage will fail.


    What aspect of John Allen Nelson’s performance would you have changed?

    The book is totally ignoring the fact that in some cases the marriage problem relies on psychiatric problems of one or both of the partners and how to work this out. I am convinced that this has been the main reason why I had to drop out of 3 marriages (I must have a crush on depressed girls, but they get uncontrolled).


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    Examples of the four horsemen discussions, and how healthy couples react positively to the same problems.


    Any additional comments?

    As a compliment for this book, you may need to learn more about the effect of nutrition in you mental health. For me, Nutrient Power was the book that opened my mind.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    A. S. Seattle, WA 08-20-13
    A. S. Seattle, WA 08-20-13 Member Since 2012
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    "Great for someone too busy to read... but"
    What made the experience of listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work the most enjoyable?

    I absolutely loved this book and all the concepts the author presented. I first heard about this professor in the book "Brain Rules," where Dr. Gottman was referenced for his extensive marital research and ability to predict divorce with astounding accuracy. I enjoyed this book very much. I have one comment to add about the audiobook version-- the book is more like a workbook, and the lists in the book can get boring hearing them read to you.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Liz 11-09-12
    Liz 11-09-12
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    "Helpful for couples but not cultural consideration"
    What made the experience of listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work the most enjoyable?

    This book was very heteronormative and did not discuss cultural considerations including religion, sexual identity, or orientation. Although these issues were not discussed, I think anyone could read this book and gain a lot of useful information about improving their relationship with their partner. This book could also be helpful for therapists looking for tools for therapy sessions.

    Gottman attempted to make his book amusing, but the voice over actor sounded pompous. A few people I know have read this book as opposed to listening and found it to be a different experience.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    N/A


    Which scene was your favorite?

    My favorite part of the book were the activities. They helped couples have fun while doing the work.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Olya San Francisco, CA, United States 02-20-12
    Olya San Francisco, CA, United States 02-20-12
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    "Excellent"
    Where does The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    Great book. A wonderful reference in whatever stage of a relationship you are in.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mrs 11-04-11
    Mrs 11-04-11

    New Mum

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    "Good Book - Robotic Narrator"

    This is a good book. I have read it before and have found it very useful, whether you are in a difficult period of your marraige or perfectly happy and want to keep it that way. Gottman describes the concepts he has developed over his years of observation and research, and also gives you practicle tools to both assess the state of your relationship in any one area and also to strengthen it.

    My issue was with the narrator. He was so deadpan and monotone. I realise it is a piece of non-fiction but still? I don't want to spend several hours of my time listening to an uninteresting voice. It is a pity because I have heard John Gottman speak and he is very charismatic. I would have much prefered he read his own book.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    manywingedboat CA 11-26-13
    manywingedboat CA 11-26-13
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    "shouldn't be an audiobook"
    What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

    frustration


    Any additional comments?

    There wasn't much narrative or discussion here - it was basically a guy reading a workbook aloud, and the content of the workbook was not modified in any way to make it more appropriate to the audio format. Some of the ideas were interesting but they were not really elaborated on.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
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