Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Gottman has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage:
Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for any couple who wants their relationship to realize its highest potential.
©1999 John Gottam, Ph.D. and Nan Silver (P)2011 Tantor
"Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best of qualifications: he's got the spirit of a scientist and the soul of a romantic." (Newsweek)
Yes but you need the paper copy to work through it
It is worth the time but you have to be very committed to work through all the exercises
Buy the paper copy
My interests run to psychology, popular science, history, world literature, and occasionally something fun like Jasper Fforde. It seems like the only free time I have for reading these days is when I'm in the car so I am extremely grateful for audio books. I started off reading just the contemporary stuff that I was determined not to clutter up my already stuffed bookcases with. And now audio is probably 90% of my "reading" matter.
There is some really great information in this book. However, there are also a number of lists and tests and things that do not lend themselves to audio. The reader/producer decided to read all the lists including the scale of answers (e.g., "most of the time, some of the time, rarely, never") for every single question. This would have been a great opportunity for one of those PDF additional material options that I see on some audio books.
That complaint aside, the book really does cover some good material. The title sounds like a pretty grand claim, but Gottman bases all his work on research. He is careful to point out that all marriages have conflict. What makes the difference is how that conflict is dealt with. The principles he refers to are about the habits of successful couples that can be practiced by anyone to develop more functional ways of dealing with conflict. That seems to be a key distinction. It isn't about good marriages vs. bad marriages as much as it is about functional marriages vs. dysfunctional marriages. To that end, he talks about the characteristics that can lead a marriage toward dysfunction. And then he offers examples and exercises to be practiced and adopted to counteract those negative forces.
This book is really awesome with practical advises on many issues that are the sources of conflicts between spouses. It will guide you to get the marriage that really fulfill you . The best advice for me was to be demanding in your marriage and set high expectations , this is the opposite to the common concept of lowering your expectations to be happy but i agree with that when you aim high you will get the best. a must read book for married.
this book really helps unravel the confusing ins and outs of marriage disagreements. it give you a really good starting place and direction to helping your marriage.
I recommend this book to all couples. It really does a great job of dissecting the nuts and bolts of why marriages break down.
For me the best part is the 4 horseman. That so closely relates to my situation that it resonated with me.
I will take the love map and advice and constantly update it.
I thought this book was spot on when it comes to what makes a wife stay in a marriage. If a man follows this book he is assured his wife will stay content. I did however feel it missed the mark a little for men. The book is spot on for girls but if you don't pay attention to the husbands side you miss something. Men and women communicate and bond differently. For women the love map works perfectly. But for men it does not. What i mean is from the book he said she said we learn men bond with activity and women bond with conversation. This book does not really touch on that fact. It focuses on how to better connect through conversation. That's where a lot of women feel neglected and rightly so. The truth is men bond over an activity not necessarily the conversation. Men attempt to insert there loved ones into their activity cause that's how they feel close and bonded. Its been that way from early development. From the book his needs her needs the author lists a mans top 5 basic emotional needs and recreational activity comes in 2nd which is very high. This book does not go into enough detail about the bonding ways of men and therefore leave a lot of women feeling left behind. Truth is he is trying to bond but he is speaking in his language but you are not hearing him. If women keep this in mind it could easy the pain they feel and help move toward the center. Insert yourself into his favorite activity and start the conversation that makes you feel bonded. For more information read these books.The modern Scholar He said she said His needs her needs
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