The Real Purpose of Parenting is a series of stories and life lessons from the world of a therapist, known as The Parent Coach. Very well-intentioned, well meaning parents are at the point of crisis with their kids because their own best parenting efforts are NOT producing the children they want them to be. And there, according to Dr. Phil Dembo, lies the problem.
In The Real Purpose of Parenting, even the best parents are capable of smothering the growth of their kid’s life. This can happen because the truth of who the child is, and what the child truly needs is often overlooked or ignored in the agenda that many parents lay out for their kids. Thus...often landing the family in a colossal melt down.
Dr. Dembo shows simple family “turn around” strategies that reframe the real purpose of parenting and gives each family, and child, their own salvation.
©2012 Dr. Phillip B. Dembo (P)2012 Gildan Media, LLC
“If only we all could have had Dr. Phil Dembo as our father! His book reads less as a self-help manual and more like insights from a wise elder.” (Vickie Falcone, M.A., author of Buddha Never Raised Kids & Jesus Didn’t Drive Carpool: Seven Principles for Parenting With Soul)
Dr. Dembo outlines a great philosophy that the role of parents is to coach children. I like a lot of the concepts and philosophy that he outlines and will try to use many of the ideas. Athough we might tweak them a bit so they don't sound so academic or negative. For example , rather than having a family meeting maybe we call it the family check in. I also like his suggestions for family rituals and responding to children without emotions. I would actually be very interested in hearing more of his thoughts on responding to childens accomplishments. The book does not really spend time describing how to respond to children's accomplishments and successes, instead it focuses on how parents deal with events they find challenging.
I have to agree with others who commented that the narration was very even toned. I didn't find it as annoying as some of the other readers. After a while you get used to his slow-pace. I think it reflects how he tries to work with children and parents in stressful situations (by remaining calm at all times.) While his attempts at humor are not lol funny, I though they were endearing because you know he's genuinely trying to keep things lighthearted.
My only critique of the books content is that at times the doctor is too academic in his explanation. At times I got lost in his general explanation of the theory. I think it would be more helpful to use more examples to illustrate the concepts; as well as provide alternative responses that parents could have used instead. I assume this is intentional on the doctor's part, that he wants parents to find their own solutions. However, for me examples are the best way to learn soft skills like this that require more practice.
For instance, honoring the intentions of the child's feelings is fairly vague. A few more examples might make the desired behavior clearer. Likewise the cop and Mohawk examples he provides on responding vs reactioning were helpful. I wish he had given more examples or even compared / contrasting responses vs reaction. A side by side comparison would have helped me start to recognize the patterns.
Overall I really enjoyed the book gave it 4 out of 5 stars because I think that concepts are what matters and you can get over the sometimes academic approach.
This was a truly inspiring discussion on realigning our views of success for ourselves, our kids and society as a whole. The author offers real strategies that you can implement with the family today and make changes for tomorrow. It is not an idealist movement where you feel as society will shun you for trying these things. One final note, Dr. Denbow's voice is "nasal'y" but given his story and the very principles of the book you will come to understand the importance in him narrating it himself. And it's not too bad, you'll get over it.
i couldn't tell you
I don't know
The Author narrates this book and I couldn't get through the first chapter. He stumbles through his own writing. He's unbearable to listen to.
I didn't know I needed to hear the words in this book when I started listening, but I quickly realized the advice was exactly what I needed.
The author gives plenty of examples of family situations, with at least one that is sure to resonate with you, as well as techniques for managing them.
I want to buy the hardcopy version to use as a reference book. I will be buying a new yellow highlighter too!
Echoing the other reviews, the narration was difficult, and is the first I listened to on 2x speed!
The information was cloudy, and I am still not entirely sure what the author meant by his concepts like "honor the intention of their feelings" but that was basically the core of the book. If you know dr. Dembos work from elsewhere, you might enjoy this, if it is new to you like it was new to me, don't bother.
Let me start off by agreeing that the author perhaps might not have been the best person to narrate his work. That being said, it wasn't distracting enough to really detract from the advice for parents. It took me a while to catch on. At first, I think it was a little difficult to get into the book. I felt like I was about halfway through before I got to the practical advice or concrete examples of how to implement his suggestions. I've certainly started paying more attention in my interactions with my child and attempting to repeat to myself that I should respond and not react. This is worth listening to for any parent
Makes me look at things in a different way with my very difficult 19 year old son. I was about to disown him and instead am trying what I learned from the book. We will see if it works, but I was at the end of my rope. Thank you for the information.
As a new parent I found a lot of value in certain elements of this book.
I love the idea that the role of parents is to coach and guide the development of their child through the perspective of the child's emotional experience rather than to force behaviour based on the parent's picture of the way a child should be and act. To respond rather than react. There are good uses of stories as both examples and warnings spread throughout the book which are used to illustrate this theme.
This core concept is very much let down by its delivery, both the in the writing style and, to a greater extent, the narration.
The narrator (the author himself) has an extremely nasal voice and a very monotone delivery. At times he seems bored by his own writing. The attempts at humour throughout the book fall somewhat flat, and a few areas of the book have an almost smug tone to them.
Despite the drawbacks of the narration, there is still great value to be found in this book. I will definitely take some of the ideas (leaving a few others) and try to incorporate them into my approach as a parent.
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