Women have changed in the last 25 years. They have become more powerful, independent, self-confident, and happy. Yet men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached. They don't know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up.
Enter the good news: In this revolutionary audiobook, Real offers women a set of effective tools with which they can create the truly intimate relationships they desire and deserve. He guides you through the process of relationship repair with exercises that you can do alone or with your partner.
We have never wanted so much from our relationships as we do today. More than any other generation, we yearn for our mates to be lifelong friends and lovers. The New Rules of Marriage shows us how to fulfill this courageous and uncompromising new vision.
©2007 Terrence Real; (P)2007 Books on Tape
I think this book is an amazing tool for a person like me that in some respects is crippled in my ability to understand how my words and attitudes toward others affect them. I learn best in these areas by having concrete rules to follow, coupled with examples that make it obvious how not following these rules impacts on my relationship with others, including my wife. Does it work all the time? No, especially when I'm feeling angry or shamed, but it gives me a firm foundation on which to base my later analysis of mistakes.
I agree that there is a male bias to this book, but I don't think that it's a fault. Many of the basic problems in my, and my friend's, relationships are leftover early 1900's paternalistic ways of interacting with others, and to try to balance this out moves the focus from the problem to some version of misplaced fairness. Sure, a proportion of the men that read this are going to feel uncomfortable or get angry, but self-knowledge is rarely easy to swallow. On the other hand, there is much here for either sex to learn. For example, the idea that intimacy is helping your partner learn how to give you what you need is gender-neutral. Also, much of the book focuses on dysfunctional interactions rather than either party's character defects.
So, I would say this book should be read by those who need concrete rules and practical examples rather than more general concepts of how relationships work; are accepting of the idea that men may be more at fault than women when relationships fail; and don't mind a long book that looks at each issue of importance from several aspects. The suggested work at the ends of the chapters complement the text, although some exercises are better than others.
This book is excellent. Very transformative. It changed me. I feel like its my new cornerstone in how I view and deal with relationships. And I've read many dozens of relationship books before, most of which were very good also. Something about this one is deeper. It really takes the masks off the games and dramas that people find themselves in. I'm sure that makes some people crazy and uncomfortable. But why waste your time on a relationships that are inauthentic and don't go straight to the core. This book shows how to be yourself, while gives tools such as how to handle conflict, confrontation, all kinds of emotional issues, weak boundaries, walls, etc.
I could not get through this entire book. Every case study presented told of what the man should do different to understand his wife. Rarely was the opposite ever presented. Even when the woman could have benefited as well.
Granted there are male chauvinists out their who could use this book, but I do not believe this book is for the couple who is looking to help each other or for the woman who is looking to understand her husband.
It should be titled "The New Rules of Marriage for Men"
I gave it two stars only because each chapter ended with probing questions to ask yourself or each other that did help. I would have given it all 5 stars if the author took a more balanced approach.
The book is a must read for all couples who r still married or were married. The author was bold outright and in your face on identifying painful issues.
I liked it and when I found out Terence was from NJ - same here - I liked it even better.
I just ended an engagement 2 marriage - we lived together for 2.5 yrs. The book was recommended to me by my therapist right after the break up.
It was a godsend.
I passed the book along to 5 friends.
Defn a must read.
My wife and I struggled for years with what seemed like insurmountable issues in our marriage. So many deep seeded hurts and scars. We were on the verge of divorce when we started looking for counselors, and had little success for a good long while. We finally found a great counselor that recommended this book right away. Things turned around for us in weeks! It's amazing hearing our struggles echoed through the author's case study's. The book opened our eyes to the real struggle behind our issues. We learned how to see each other in a whole new light. This book gave us the tools we so desperately needed to finally understand each other, and learn to speak each other's love languages, and avoid pitfalls (that in the heat of the moment might seem like the rite course of action or tone to take, but only lead to more hurt).
We continually return, and reread the book to brush up. If you are struggling in a marriage or relationship, and are serious about working towards healing and loving each other again, you can't go wrong with The New Rules of Marriage. It absolutely saved my marriage, and we are so much stronger than we were before. I can't stress it enough, get this book. If you take it go heart, and really put these practices in to you're relationship, you can't help but succeed. If I ever meet Terrence in real life, I will give him the biggest man hug ever!
This is the second of Terry Real's books I've read and have to say that he may be the wisest and clearest couple 's therapist I've ever read. This one is not just a rehash, but offers practical advice and exercises. The one shortcoming is that it's hard to capture the "manual" side on an audiotape, so I ordered the paperback as well.
great real life examples
can't read a book in the car
how to bring up a conflict in a non-threating way, express where it lead your thinking, express how it made you feel, ask for what you would like. Then let it go.
Last part is the hardest - not to be attached to the outcome
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