The Gift of Failure

How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

By: Jessica Lahey

Narrated by: Jessica Lahey

In the tradition of Paul Tough's How Children Succeed and Wendy Mogel's The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, this groundbreaking manifesto focuses on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life's inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults.

Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report-card disappointments, mastermind children's friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children's well-being, they aren't giving them the chance to experience failure - or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems.

Overparenting has the potential to ruin a child's confidence and undermine their education, Lahey reminds us. Teachers don't just teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. They teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint, and foresight - important life skills children carry with them long after they leave the classroom.

Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children's failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed.

©2015 Jessica Lahey (P)2015 HarperCollins Publishers

A guidepost for parents and teachers

As a parent of three children and as a second grade teacher, I found this book was speaking to me. Every word echoed my own experiences as a parent. We have begun implementing many of these ideas at home and I have seen my 13 year old take some risks she would have avoided prior. I have also out some practices into practice in my classroom and I am seeing happier kids with more persistence and resilience. This is a book I recommend to all the parents in my classroom. If I could make it required reading, I would! Thank you Jessica!

Every Parent should read this book!

This book needs to be at the top of every expecting mothers list and every parents Christmas list.

Must read for parents

I've worked with people who struggle with depression, anxiety, and addiction for years, and I see how many people struggle with a fear of failure. I used to have the same issue, but I eventually learned that failure is the key to improvement, resilience and success. So, when I came across this book from Jessica Lahey, I had to pick up a copy, and it was definitely worth it. 

The book is primarily for parents, but teachers can benefit from this book as well. So many of us are afraid to let our kids fail in school, with relationships, and in life in general. What Lahey teaches us is that this is setting them up for failure when they finally reach the real world. As hard as it is to let our kids fail, we have to let them. As the adults, Lahey discusses how it's just our job to help get their wheels turning so they can be better critical thinkers while also developing autonomy.

Wow! Truth! Please listen.

I have raised my own children and have been a teacher to hundreds of children. Since I read this book, I have been sharing it with family and friends on social media. It's a MUST READ. I found myself guilty of some of the actions that hinder children from taking responsibility for themselves, but I also felt confirmation for the things I have been doing "right." I will be recommending this book to the parents of my next class of children. It's easy to read and full of research that makes sense!

The Best of the Best

Doable, put everything in perspective, works with our family with triplets age 9. So worth reading and listening to it. Thank you Jessica for sharing your wisdom!!

Must have for parents & teachers

must have for parents & teachers to have in their arsenal. I listened to the audio book & have the paperback as well & refer to both often

Read it twice

Read it more than once. Maybe read it at the beginning of each new school year. It’s worth the time.

The author’s successful struggle to be true to her principles even it was difficult.

Loved the book! I am almost 67 years old, but I learnt things for myself, for my family, and for people I interact with regularly.

Great for any style of parent

I encourage sometimes even demand age appropriate autonomy of my 2 kids since they were little. It’s not always easy, I worry about them when they struggle, and sometimes I cave. Holding my tongue and letting my kids fail forward is the hard for me. This book is a great reminder to stay the course as much as possible, with real examples of parent situations & results. Best of all the author is a realistic & self IDed imperfect parent herself.

Worth reading twice

I found this book to first cause me anxiety because it meant changing my parenting and teaching. Then I took a breath and realized this was an incredible opportunity to improve my methods and empower children and teens around me to become the adults I hope they will become.