The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what emotional abuse is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you.
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.
©2002 Beverly Engel (P)2012 Audible, Inc.
"Engel doesn't just describe - she shows us the way out." (Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail)
"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." (Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse)
"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." (Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com)
I may refer to it. I'm not sure if I'd like to listen to it over again. It's somewhat difficult to hear and it's very emotionally draining to actively try to recognize and change your behaviors.
I'm not sure. The entire thing had very profound moments.
No. However, I absolutely loved her voice narrating this. She did a wonderful job.
I will apply this to my relationship.
I already knew that I had an abusive past. I am a Psychology major and I've been very introspective. I also knew that I was in a constant battle of emotional abuse in my current relationship. However, I knew I wasn't innocent, and I knew he wasn't either. We played off of each other. When one person was emotionally abusive, the other person would just emotionally abuse them later. We both came from parents that emotionally abused us. After reading this book, I realized that we were both reenacting our pasts in an attempt to solve them and end up with a better outcome. I have some similarities with his mother and he has some similarities with my father. However, he doesn't see it this way.
That's why I needed to find this book, so I could attempt to discover ways to change my patterns, and hopefully, in turn, change his as well. It's only been a couple days, but I already notice a difference in how I perceive my feelings and how he reacts to my words. I express myself by saying how I actually FEEL instead of blaming and threatening to leave. When he insults or degrades me, I point it out assertively but not painstakingly and he admits to it, and stops. I have a lot of hope that our relationship will benefit from this. I know we can get past our communication challenges. It was an amazing book.
May have saved my life. I was in despair in my relationship, thanks to this book I came to recognize what was actually going on and my part in it and what I could do to change it. Still don't know if this relationship will work, however it has improved significantly and, I personally, have made significant progress.
Must read for anyone in a conflicted relationship. You can be in an abusive relationship and not realize it, your and/or your partner may operate with a very hurtful attitude, which results in emotional abuse. Her wisdom can be relationship saving and even life saving!
My third husband and I were on the brink of quits. Then we started listening to this book. I am absolutely certain we will happily make it now. I also believe that this book could have saved my previous marriage. This is the silver bullet. I've been through it three times and my husband has listened twice. It is an amazing transformation in our patience and understanding of ourselves and each other. Thank you!
I wish i knew this years ago!
Identifying when i have abused, been abused and my family around me, their exposure to abuse.
Empathy when needed , but a call to action too
To watch what i am saying to my partner and family and be aware of what they are saying to me!
Beverley seems to believe it comes from childhood. I cannot remember being abused when i was a child but i certainly remember my first marriage, so i dont know why i was attracted to him and why i let him do it? But also, i divorced him 25 years later and feel i have not resolved it with him as we have not discussed it, so i might have to write it down but imwould love to talk to him about it. There was nothing mentioned to help you overcome a past emotional abusive partner it seemed to be all in the now.
"Very good and useful stuff"
I find this work extremely useful. A lot of insights about "abusive relationships". There are few things I see differently, but as we say in the 12-Step Fellowship: "... take what you find useful and leave the rest...".
Many things. I will just mention this one: "the author provides an excellent analysis of the mechanisms controlling both the abuser and the abused person, and practical suggestions on how to deal with and behave in concrete situations".
Great thanks to the author for her extensive work.
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