• The Available Parent

  • Expert Advice for Raising Successful and Resilient Teens and Tweens
  • By: John Duffy
  • Narrated by: David Colacci
  • Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (227 ratings)

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The Available Parent  By  cover art

The Available Parent

By: John Duffy
Narrated by: David Colacci
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Publisher's summary

We have a tendency today to over-parent, micromanage, and underappreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens.

Teenagers are often left feeling unheard and misunderstood, and parents are left feeling bewildered by the changes in their child at adolescence and by their sudden lack of effectiveness as parents. The parent has become unavailable, the teen responds in kind, and a negative, often destructive cycle of communication begins. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures - he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever. The available parent is fun and funny and can bring levity to the most stressful situation. All of that is to say, there are no conditions to his availability - it is absolute.

©2014 John Duffy (P)2014 Blackstone Audio, Inc.

What listeners say about The Available Parent

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Parenting teens can be much less stressful!

I very much enjoyed listening to this book. John Duffy has an approach to parenting that allows them to feel more trust in their kids, and kids to manage their own lives better and learn from successes and mistakes. He helps parents pull back from micro-managing, lecturing, punishing or passive attitudes and move toward confidence that their teens and tweens have good instincts and inner resources for dealing with their own lives.

Duffy promotes parents taking a very active role--this is no approach that leaves parents free to ignore the kids--but one that is active in a "how can I help?" sense. Parents can make themselves available to kids to talk through the issues that matter to them (the kids) without being embarrassed or "preachy." He helps point out that when parents convey a positive sense of their being available for guidance, more than dictating rules and "fixing" problems, kids develop more confidence and become more able to meet the challenging situations they will run into as they move through adolescence.

Make no mistake--he is not advocating that parents shy away from stepping in, when it is a true emergency, but more one where their relaxed confidence is conveyed to the kids who can in turn use that relationship as a model, and a "go to" place when they want to discuss their lives. Parents are not meant to be friends, but encouraged to be friendly with their kids--leaving channels open to talk about anything without expressing judgments for ideas the kids are exploring for themselves.

He does not say this is easy--but listening to the way he explains his approach, it actually sounds easier than all the energy that goes into trying manage capable teens' lives from a viewpoint one generation removed. Seldom do I see approaches that give parents and teens a common ground in which to discuss ideas and have parents show their teens that they are trusted. (If that is not the case, he does recommend therapy for the teens or family). This is quite a useful book, well-narrated by David Colacci. Recommend.

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8 people found this helpful

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Wonderful, Invaluable Book for Parents of Teens

I am a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and, more importantly, a father of 2 teenagers (girl and boy). I have found this book eminently helpful. I am listening to it for the 2nd time. It is hopeful, encouraging, wise, directive, supportive and unusually humane - it presents a caring and kind way to understand and approach children, including our own children. It is by far my favorite book on parenting. I also list it as a resource on my psychiatric practice website.

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Excellent Informative Book for Parents!

I have listened to this book 3 times and will continue to listen to it over and over during my boy's teenage years!

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Very insightful

Was looking for a book to enlighten me. My daughter is only 10, but is growing up fast and wanted to be ready. I will likely relisten to this book at least 3 more times just to grasp everything. Very good book! Thank you!

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Every parent of a teen (or tween) should read this asap!

So practical and great suggestions that really work! Save yourself a lot of grief!
So thankful to find this book.

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Fell short

this began as very relevant information before the author comes in with a very typical view of the world our kids live in. What I mean is, our kids need our presence and encouragement as much as they need our guidance about what is harmful to their souls over their lifetime. They need us to raise the bar not lower it to social norms. Teaching kids the importance of waiting for sex rather than accepting that your 13 year old will be sexually active is an example. We can talk and ask questions of our teens without giving in to social norms as "just part of being a teen" I know young people who waited and have a healthier sex life than anyone I know. Stand up parents teach them early what serves them best. Stand strong AND be available!!

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    5 out of 5 stars

recommend

The book helps parents understand and connect with their teen tween. It explains what being an available parent means in simple ways and how to protect the relationship. I wish I knew this stuff last year!

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great source for parents of teens and tweens

Take some time and listen to this audiobook, it will help you understand and deal with many of the growing pains of teens

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good book

So many parents are making mistakes without even knowing.. This book clearly lays them out and offers great advice!

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  • TC
  • 07-13-17

Invaluable parenting guidance

I wish I read this book 5 years ago...but it's not too late. I've already implemented many of the suggestions and parenting concepts taught by Mr. Duffy (with my three sons 14 - 19 years old.) Now I will pray my husband will listen as well.
Narration was easy to listen to and follow.
I highly recommend this book!

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