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Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind | [Kristin Neff]

Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion - and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.
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Publisher's Summary

From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life.

The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion - and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.

This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff - the world's foremost expert on self-compassion - explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly readable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.

©2011 Kristin Neff, Ph.D. (P)2011 HarperCollinsPublishers

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (107 )
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  •  
    Jeanette Sydney, Australia 09-10-12
    Jeanette Sydney, Australia 09-10-12 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Worth Reading"

    I really enjoyed this book and got alot out of it. It would have to be the first self help type book I have read where the author shares her stories thereby clearing making her point about us all being imperfect. I liked how the book contained her thoughts but also research that has been conducted. I would recommend everyone read this book.

    12 of 12 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Alice United States 03-15-12
    Alice United States 03-15-12 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Important concepts, flat delivery"
    Is there anything you would change about this book?

    There's some very important information in this book about how the need to be perfect fails us, how recognizing our weaknesses and failures is valuable, and generating self-compassion activates healthy physiological processes (compared to self-judging). However, I wonder if the average reader can pull those ideas out of the writing. I'm a therapist, and I have recommended this book to clients, but I spend some time outlining and preparing clients about the points above.


    Would you ever listen to anything by Kristin Neff again?

    I've read Neff's research on resilience, and it's informed my therapy practice, as well as my own life. I'll continue to look for her work for sure.


    10 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Virginia United States 02-22-12
    Virginia United States 02-22-12
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    "Brilliant"

    This is a really really good book ... it's not a self help book ... it's written after years of study and personal experience ... i found so much sense and wisdom in the words of Dr.Neff ... i can honestly say it's one of the best books i have ever read on the subject ... it altered the way i see things drastically ... i feel happier and a better person after reading this book ... it's a book that one would listen to more than once ... recommended

    25 of 27 people found this review helpful
  •  
    don saskatoon, SK, Canada 08-20-12
    don saskatoon, SK, Canada 08-20-12 Member Since 2012
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    "decent download - mostly review and reminders"
    Is there anything you would change about this book?

    not a lot


    How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

    needed a "wow, i did not know that" factor


    What about Xe Sands’s performance did you like?

    very pleasing narrative


    Did Self-Compassion inspire you to do anything?

    remined me not to be so critical of myself


    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Henry Cholakyan Burbank, CA United States 08-08-12
    Henry Cholakyan Burbank, CA United States 08-08-12 Member Since 2012
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    "Powerful Light on Your Psyche"
    Where does Self-Compassion rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    By far this is the best self-help and self-development book, I listened. Totally honestly, this audiobook is a must if you have ever listened to people like Anthony Robbins, and other motivational speakers out there.


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    I was shaken by every section of this book especially the Self-Esteem section. I always knew that being untruthful to yourself was not good, yet I failed to understand why? This book just awakened the deeply rooted darkness in my psyche. Those who bought on the idea of self-esteem must listen to this. Thank you Mrs. Neff, you are such a light in this world. This book undoubtedly is your life's mission.


    Any additional comments?

    The best self-help book ever. Once again thank you Mrs. Neff.

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Erika Blacksburg, VA, United States 03-28-13
    Erika Blacksburg, VA, United States 03-28-13 Listener Since 2007
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    "Learning self-compassion is transforming my life."

    This book & the techniques taught have tremendously improved my well being. I was raised in a highly critical environment, where I was criticized for which movie I watched (because I had already seen it before), which sport I wanted to play (because I didn't have natural ability), and more recently, going back to graduate school ("your life will be better if you stay in your job"). I internalized this criticism and I have dealt with depression and anxiety for the majority of my life. By relating to myself with compassion, I am happier because I now know am not at fault for every struggle in my life. I am also more resilient because I do not attack myself & get caught in a negative spiral when I make mistakes. I am more productive in my work and more present for my life.

    I wish I had learned these techniques as a 12-year-old, but I am so glad to have learned them now. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a negative dialogue inside their mind on a regular basis. I am grateful for Kristen Neff's work.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer San Diego, CA 03-17-13
    Amazon Customer San Diego, CA 03-17-13 Member Since 2013
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    "Life-Changing!"
    What did you love best about Self-Compassion?

    This is one of the best books I have ever read! It IS life-changing!

    In Self-Compassion, Dr. Neff provides us with a detailed, practical guide to having compassion for ourselves and for appreciating ourselves. She helps us become aware of and put an end to our debilitating, destructive habits of self-criticism, and she helps us create a warm, loving, caring space for ourselves. Throughout her book, Dr. Neff supports her messages with numerous, interesting studies and research. She takes her message further and deeper by sharing her own personal stories, so we may directly relate to her messages. Finally, throughout Self-Compassion, Dr. Neff provides countless practical exercises, so we may take practical steps to implementing change in our lives.

    I highly recommend this book!!!


    What other book might you compare Self-Compassion to and why?

    In order for me to find Dr. Neff and this extraordinary book, it first took finding the works of Thich Nhat Hanh, Jon Kabat-Zinn and his Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course, Christine Carter's book Raising Happiness and her online Greater Good Science Center, and Sharon Salzberg's books Lovingkindness and The Kindness Handbook. I highly recommend all of these; however, Dr. Neff's Self-Compassion has been most helpful in changing the way I think and relate to myself. As Dr. Neff describes, this is a similar concept to flight attendants asking us, in the event of an emergency, to first put on our masks before assisting children or those in need of help - we must care for ourselves before we can be most effective in our daily lives and in helping others.


    What does Xe Sands bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    She has a calm, relaxing voice, that nicely complements the concepts she is sharing.


    What did you learn from Self-Compassion that you would use in your daily life?

    How to care for myself and how to use that care to create wellness, peace and love in my life and in my actions towards others.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Wally Hamilton, Ontario, Canada 12-11-12
    Wally Hamilton, Ontario, Canada 12-11-12
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    "Great Book!"
    What made the experience of listening to Self-Compassion the most enjoyable?

    The passionate approach to the topic, very direct and to the point. Told in a very convincing fashion.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Kristin explaining her personal life journey, her struggles and accomplishments.


    What did you learn from Self-Compassion that you would use in your daily life?

    To be less judgmental and less self critical and to treat myself with more self compassion, more love and respect and except my failings and the failings of others.


    Any additional comments?

    This book is full of a lot of helpful information about human behavior! I could go on but very very well done!! A++

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    O. Oye Houston, TX United States 12-17-13
    O. Oye Houston, TX United States 12-17-13 Listener Since 2008
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    "Not a good book."
    Would you try another book from Kristin Neff and/or Xe Sands?

    No


    Would you ever listen to anything by Kristin Neff again?

    No


    How did the narrator detract from the book?

    Indifferent to narrator though I think content made for a lifetime-movie reading.


    If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Self-Compassion?

    Everything about the author's life.


    Any additional comments?

    This really is more of a self indulgent autobiography not a book on self compassion.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    LeAnna United States 10-01-13
    LeAnna United States 10-01-13
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    "Absolutely great listen"
    Would you listen to Self-Compassion again? Why?

    She gives you many diferent ways to have compassion for yourself and others and make the quality of your life so much better. Nice voice for your listening pleasure. I listen over and over again.


    What about Xe Sands’s performance did you like?

    Great voice and love her expressions. She makes it easy to listen and learn how to take good care of yourself.


    What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

    Self comforting...you can comfort yourself in such a gentle way. Helps you get the most from your day and every situation.


    Any additional comments?

    I highly recommend everyone to listen to this book. What a better world it would be if we all have more compassion for ourselves and others.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
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