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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't | [Henry Cloud, John Townsend]

Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

The wounds inflicted by an "unsafe" person can go deep. If you've ever been in a relationship where you were used, abused, or abandoned, then Safe People is for you. It will help you make wise choices in relationships from friendships to romance. You'll discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships. And you'll learn how to avoid repeating your own mistakes and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.
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Publisher's Summary

The wounds inflicted by an "unsafe" person can go deep. If you've ever been in a relationship where you were used, abused, or abandoned, then Safe People is for you. It will help you make wise choices in relationships from friendships to romance. You'll discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships. And you'll learn how to avoid repeating your own mistakes and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend share expert insights that will help you:

  • Correct things within you that jeopardize your relational security
  • Learn the 20 traits of unsafe people
  • Recognize what makes people trustworthy
  • Avoid unhealthy relationships
  • Become a safe person yourself

©1995 Henry Cloud and John Townsend (P)2009 Zondervan

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  •  
    Diana Lafayette Hill, PA, United States 06-14-12
    Diana Lafayette Hill, PA, United States 06-14-12 Member Since 2010

    The Faithful Traveler

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Excellent analysis of Safe and Unsafe People"

    Nota Bene: this book is written by Christian therapists who look at things (at least in this book) from a Christian point of view. That said, if you are a Christian, you will find this analysis exceedingly useful. If you are not a Christian, I would imagine that you could still find the book useful, although, you might get annoyed by the constant references to God and what God wants for our lives. It depends on your tolerance for that kind of talk, I think.

    That said, I (as a Christian) found this book to be SO helpful, I have listened to it at least ten times since I bought it about a month ago. I will listen to a chapter, then listen again and again, taking notes and trying to remember the endless amounts of good advice and analysis provided.

    This book is split into parts, with lots of lists (something I loved).

    The first part discusses in detail the characteristics of Unsafe People.
    The second part analyzes why we befriend Unsafe People.
    The third part discusses the characteristics of Safe People, how to become one, and how to befriend them.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone who has trouble making and keeping friendships with people who make them feel good and happy, and who help them to be the best people they can be. You need this book if most of your friends are dysfunctional people (aren't we all) who persist in their dysfunction, instead of who seek to grow and move out of their harmful ways. Or for those who have simply given up on trying to make new friends because they have been let down so many times, they just don't see the point anymore.

    This book is for you.

    As for the reader, he does a fantastic job of reading this book, even going to the point of using different voices for other men, women, or children. It's actually quite endearing. He does a great job of capturing the emotion behind the author's words, but without being maudlin. Great job, reader!

    10 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Linette Woodbury, MN, United States 11-28-11
    Linette Woodbury, MN, United States 11-28-11 Member Since 2011
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    "A big help to my life"

    I have listened to this book over and over again as it has really helped me to move forward from my most recent breakup. I was devasted by the breakup and it made me to be able to question my character decernment. I needed help and this book is like haveing a counsler in your back pocket, when you need it. I will use these principles to seek out a new relationship. Normally, I would have retreated from relationships but now I am not afraid to move forward and be open to finding the love i deserve. I will seek out safe people and become a safe person as well

    7 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    ria lodi, NJ, United States 10-02-12
    ria lodi, NJ, United States 10-02-12 Member Since 2012
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    "excellent for learning about yourself and others"
    Where does Safe People rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    I have listened to many audiobooks for learning about myself and others, this is by far up there with my top 3


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer United States 08-15-12
    Amazon Customer United States 08-15-12 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Safe Relationships"
    If you could sum up Safe People in three words, what would they be?

    This book should have been called Safe Relationships because it applies to any kind of relationship you might have in your life as well as the ones you are considering for the long term. Great book but I wish I had the hard copy to refer back to although this was easier to flip between the chapters than most.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    krista PA 05-28-13
    krista PA 05-28-13 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Great insight with helpful action steps."
    Where does Safe People rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    This is one of the most helpful self-help audiobooks I've listened to.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Safe People?

    “When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.”


    How did the narrator detract from the book?

    The narrator's over-dramatization and use of different voices (most of which sounded like they were drunk or derranged) for every little case example was odd for a self-help book. It was a little distracting and very perplexing but did not ruin the book.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    No- too much to absorb in one sitting.


    Any additional comments?

    This is from a Christian perspective but still has valuable insight to offer a non-Christian.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Wade Lakeland, Florida, United States 04-16-13
    Wade Lakeland, Florida, United States 04-16-13
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    "Excellent read on discernmet of relationships"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    Yes, because with a busy scheduled, I am able to get more time doing other things while listening.


    What other book might you compare Safe People to and why?

    Boundaries set to basis for this book on relationships with examples, which are necessary in getting the average person to understand to points made.


    What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

    Understanding relationships which are not open to honesty show themselves as always positioning themselves superior or focusing all the attention on to themselves. Healthy relationship know how to receive each other as equals and yet remain with their separate identities and sustainable lives apart from each other.


    Any additional comments?

    This book is a must read for people who are humble, and willing to open themselves up to healthy relations directed by the Holy Spirit to the Glory of God and not man.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rebecca boston, MA, United States 03-07-12
    Rebecca boston, MA, United States 03-07-12
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very biblical"
    Would you try another book from Henry Cloud and John Townsend and/or Dick Fredricks?

    No.


    Has Safe People turned you off from other books in this genre?

    No.


    How could the performance have been better?

    n/a


    If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Safe People?

    The description of book should have at least noted that this book is based on the bible.


    Any additional comments?

    I can't believe the description of the book omitted the fact that this book is heavily based on the bible.

    7 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    kyle Poway, CA, United States 10-19-13
    kyle Poway, CA, United States 10-19-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Full Disclosure: This is a Very Christian Book"

    I got this book on the recommendation of a friend without really reading the description. I did not know quite how Christian this book was before I bought it. I think many of the insights in the book are valuable, but the authors seem to assume you are enthusiastically Christian to begin with. As a non-christian, I found the constant Bible references, moral certainties, and ad librem assertions to distract from the self-help value of the book. Caveat Emptor.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chris SCOTTSDALE, AZ, United States 06-19-13
    Chris SCOTTSDALE, AZ, United States 06-19-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "This book is religious"
    Would you try another book from Henry Cloud and John Townsend and/or Dick Fredricks?

    no


    What three words best describe Dick Fredricks’s voice?

    no issues with voice


    You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

    it should have stated that it was based on Christianity in the summary


    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    California Vegan CA 06-09-11
    California Vegan CA 06-09-11 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Be Forewarned!"

    Although much of the information is valid, it is all delivered through scripture and religious dogma. For those of us whose main goal in life is to be ???good Christians??? this book is a little hard to get through. Bottom line: Highly ???spiritual??? Christians are good. All others, including those claiming to be ???religious??? Christians are bad.

    15 of 26 people found this review helpful
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