"While it may seem as if we live in a man's world," reports William Pollack, "we do not live in a boy's world." Many boys today are struggling either silently, with low self-esteem and feelings of loneliness and isolation, or publicly, by acting out feelings of emotional and social disconnection through anger and acts of violence against themselves or their friends and families. While academic performance and self-esteem are low, the rates of suicide and depression are on the rise. As the recent tragedies in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and Edinboro, Pennsylvania, demonstrated, boys today are in crisis - on a national scale. Real Boys explains why.
Much has been written about the plight of girls in adolescence - their decreased self-esteem, increased emphasis on appearance, gender bias in the classroom, and the confusion about what it means to be feminine. Boys, Pollack discovered, suffer a similar gender identity crisis even before adolescence. Reasearch shows that male infants are more emotionally expressive than female infants. However, as a boy ages, his emotional expressiveness decreases. Why? Because The Boy Code - society's definition of what it means to be a boy - demands that boys suppress or cover up their emotions. As a result, boys develop a "mask of masculinity" to hide their shame, vulnerability, and the other feelings they cannot express publicly. The inability to show true emotions hardens a boy until, ultimately, he loses touch with them. Today's boys, Pollack writes, are "only allowed to lead half their emotional lives."
©1998 William Pollack (P)2011 Random House
Helpful. Nurturing, Surprising
All of it. From cover to the last page was amazing!
The part that the writer talked about how mom's should not be separated from their sons until they're ready. I've always felt that way. It's my husband that pushes the other end-"he's gonna grow up to be a sissy". He's 9 now. He's no sissy. He is a mama's boy. But he's respectful to people and he has a gentle heart. I go with my gut feeling and the actions of my son. He'll let me know when he's ready to separate.
The part about getting boys to talk- you need to take them somewhere and do an activity with them, and then they'll open up. When they do open up. listen to them. Mostly, this book has encouraged my beliefs, which are the same as the writer. I just need to get my husband to read this and get him on board. (lol)
I cannot begin to express in words how much I enjoyed this book!!!! I know I'll want to listen to it again, so I don't forget any important information-there was a lot. I am so thankful!
This book points out many of the ways society has taught us to assume that boys are tough and don't need the same affection that we give our girls.
William Pollack was a great narrator.
My son will be a much more emotionally stable man as a result of what I learned in this book.
I loved this book. My opinion of boys of all ages has changed.
The abridged version includes necessary points without losing anything in the larger book. Audio is more compelling. The bullet points on how to help boys is particularly poignant.
The way Pollack describes the boy code, myth of boys and mend and how parents can help.
The audio brings out the seriousness of the subject and need for our culture to crack the boy code.
Every parent, teacher or grandparent of boy must listen to REAL BOYS. Its simply fascinated and effectively describes the boy experience and the solutions for our culture.
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