NurtureShock

New Thinking About Children

By: Po Bronson, Ashley Merryman

Narrated by: Po Bronson

Length: 7 hrs and 57 mins

Publisher's summary

Audie Award, Personal Development, 2010

In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel? Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter? Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated? If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie? What's the single most important thing that helps infants learn language?

NurtureShock is a groundbreaking collaboration between award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. They argue that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas. With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, they demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring - because key twists in the science have been overlooked.

Nothing like a parenting manual, the authors' work is an insightful exploration of themes and issues that transcend children's (and adults') lives.

©2009 Po Bronson (P)2009 Hachette

Critic reviews

"A provocative collection of essays popularizing recent research that challenges conventional wisdom about raising children...[Bronson and Merryman] ably explore a range of subjects of interest to parents... Their findings are often surprising." ( Kirkus)

Everyone needs this book

I think this was an incredible experience reading this book because it unlocks a lot of misunderstandings our society has continuously told us on how to raise our children and the psychology of our children. It has helped me decipher a lot of my questions and analyze a lot of theories I’ve had over the years. Not only has it given me tons of validation in a lot of my theories it has also given me a ton to practice on and with. I am excited to continue the studies that are based in this book in my social life and personal

blew my mind!

I saw benefits in the behavior of my 3 year old in the first week of implementing recommendations.

Relevant, actionable information

What did you love best about NurtureShock?

The information provided by this book is understandable, supported by science and is actionable. Parents can listen to this book and apply what they've learned for the benefit of their children. The usefulness of this book is its greatest feature.

Any additional comments?

I enjoyed listening to the author/narrator. The information is presented in a conversational tone with plenty of anecdotes.

Worth it

I got this book as my first audible book as recommended per a professor and ensure single chapter had so many details, insight and thought provoking facts that were backed by hard scientific evidence that is definitely bellflower and relevant to raising children and having better general relationships. I 100% recommend to mothers, teachers, students and anyone who has 8 hours free to listen!

Enjoyable and thoughtful

As an educator it gave me lots to think about and was worth my time to listen to.

I liked it and I don't even have kids.

True, I don’t have kids. But I also don’t have dogs and I read Cesar’s Way, and I don’t cook but have read lots of food books. I am frequently forced to interact with children, and plus this book is almost more of a sociology/science book than a parenting book. I do plan to give it to a few friends who are parents, and if I were a parent there are certainly bits of advice in here I’d be taking, but it’s predominantly about parenting theories and then scientific studies done to see if they’re accurate (or not, mostly not) and why.

One issue I have with audiobooks is that I don’t get a table of contents. (I also don’t understand why I can’t get a photoinsert for histories/biographies but this book didn’t have one – that I know of.) But I did look up the ToC today so I could have a reasonable time writing this review. These are the topics the book addresses:
The Inverse Power of Praise
The Lost Hour – Sleep loss and its affects
Why White Parents Don't Talk About Race
Why Kids Lie - Most classic strategies to promote truthfulness just encourage kids to be better liars.
The Search for Intelligent Life in Kindergarten – pre-K testing
The Sibling Effect
The Science of Teen Rebellion - arguing with adults is a sign of respect, not disrespect
Can Self-Control Be Taught? TOOLS classes
Plays Well with Others
Why Hannah Talks and Alyssa Doesn't

The ones I found most fascinating were about sleep (a 1-hour loss each night over a week makes 6th graders test on a 4th grade level. In other words, it has the same impact on their intelligence as lead exposure), lying (seriously, all kids lie. And when you teach them to tell white lies to be polite, they learn that all lying is okay), and the effectiveness of a school program for the very young called TOOLS which has an enormous impact on kids in nursery school and kindergarten. I actually first heard about this book though a front-page article in Newsweek titled “Is your baby racist” which was about the chapter on race. (No, babies aren’t racist, but while trying to figure out the world they do classify objects, including people, according to categories they can easily suss out, including by skin color. And classifications they don’t see all the time – including any race that doesn’t include their parents – gets classified as “unfamiliar”.) The lying chapter had also gotten a lot of press when the book first came out. Kids start lying as young as 4 though it’s not usually until 6 when they get effective (pre-6, they’ll often lie about something the parent saw and not get why that’s ineffective.) The next chapter also discusses why teenagers lie (and goodness, how often!) and how when they argue with their parents, it is actually a sign of respect. It means they think their parent might listen and they have a shot at convincing them. If they consider their parents unreasonable or inflexible, then there’s no benefit to arguing and instead they’ll stick to lying. The chapter on language acquisition has the simplest suggestions that are easy and very, very fast to add to ones repertoire. One other easy thing I might mention to my parent friends is how a lot of educational TV shows actually contribute to children’s antisocial behaviors. For instance a show about how an older brother and his friend exclude a little sister, while it does always have a good resolution, that’s only 2 minutes of the show while 20 minutes have been teaching the children new ways to exclude and insult siblings. Of course that’s not the intention of those shows, but that’s the effect. When they are imbalanced in the time devoted to each part of the story and the majority is spent on the poor behavior, that’s what’s been emphasized to small children.

One quibble about the audiobook: 3 times, the author (who was also the narrator) said things such as “while doing research for this audiobook we found….” No, you weren’t researching an audiobook. You were researching a book. Would you change the word from book to paperback book when the trade edition comes out next year? No. You also shouldn’t change it for the audiobook. Then not only is the text not exactly the same as in the print book, but it’s really jarring. Took me out of the listening experience and I lost a couple of minutes of comprehension while I was silently fuming about the pointlessness of that edit.

Otherwise, the book was fascinating and eye-opening. Several times I found myself gasping and saying “no way!” Half-way through I met up with three friends who are all mothers, and I just couldn’t stop talking about the book. Parenting instincts are pretty fallible, and now that there is a book that has analyzed, collated, and drawn inferences from a ton of scientific studies on different parenting theories, it seems like a no-brainer that this will be an easy primer for what to do and not to do to supplement the more conventional parenting guides. While Nurtureshock doesn’t tell you how to get your kids to sleep or when to be worried about late talking, it does tell you the consequences of children getting little sleep, and tips for how to encourage language acquisition (respond immediately when your baby makes a talking noise. Not for a cough or a giggle, but when a baby says “dat” or “oooo”.) I think this book will prove incredibly useful for years to come. As an added bonus unlike conventional parenting book, this one is also interesting and a good read.

Good info, interesting science, lots of angst

It's filled with interesting information and and makes some strong cases against various elements of the status quo. That's the problem.. this whole book is a series of arguments rather than a cordial dissemination of information. I'm interested in the subjects, and I want to learn what the author has to say, but there's this sophomoric, almost arrogant, tone to the whole thing.

I am not the critics. I'm not some withered old professor who's clinging to antiquated ideologies. I'm just an expecting father looking for contemporary scientific information.

Sometimes, the book sounds like recitations of old arguments that the author has had at various academic dinner parties, and I just want to remind the author "I'm not disagreeing with you". I don't need another example of another person who was wrong, and how wrong all the wrong people form wrong land are all the wrong time. Please sir, just give me the facts.

I strongly preferred "Brain Rules for Baby"

great book

this book was a fantastic point of view and well backed buy data. it was we'll explain through the entire book someone could certainly learn something even if they think that they know it all.

Fascinating!

Lots of data backing up the sections reviewed and great suggestions to change what we assume to be correct. Worth the read!

Couldn't get through it because of the performance

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

I would recommend that my friends read this book but I would vehemently warn them about listening to it. The narrator/author is not pleasant to listen to. I am a social scientist, and I loved learning the contents, but the narrator/author is not a trained speaker, and he only knows how to place emphasis by spiking the pitch in his voice. There are surely other ways to emphasize a point (volume, pacing and pauses, e.g.). In fact, I could only take 15 minutes of his reading style at a time before I finally stopped listening altogether. I never finished listening, and it's a relief on my ears.

Would you be willing to try another book from Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman ? Why or why not?

Not unless it is read by someone else.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

The narrator's tone of voice was not pleasant, and he emphasizes points by raising the pitch in an annoying way.