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Not a Match
- My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters
- Narrated by: Ax Norman
- Length: 2 hrs and 11 mins
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Not a Match
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Editorial reviews
Brian Donovan’s comic tale of his history with Internet dating might seem mean-spirited if the criticism weren’t, in large part, self-deprecating. Donovan, who’s written for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and Chapelle’s Show, mines the deep well of comedic gold that is Internet dating by going on an exorbitant amount of dates with all sorts of women - and a few that he couldn’t even be sure were women. Ax Norman delivers Donovan’s chronicles in a personal tone that feels both instructional and confessional. If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experienced online dating for yourself, or if you’re a curious outsider, prepare yourself for an insider's look at the widely popular phenomenon and all of the insights into human relationships it provokes.
Publisher's summary
Forty million people in the US have tried Internet dating, which means 40 million people have probably gone on some pretty crappy dates. Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters is about one guy who experienced more than his fair share. Brian Donovan, a writer and comedian whose work has appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NPR, and Chapelle's Show, has been on over 100 Internet dates in a genuine search for love and happiness.
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- Narrated by: Shelly Frasier
- Length: 4 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 118
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 46
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Story4 out of 5 stars 44
Most dating books are written for women - what a mistake that is. Women know how to date....It's men who need the help! At last: a blithe, bold, and bawdy guide to building a better boyfriend.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Can't Stop Laughing
- By Marshall on 06-13-07
By: Felicity Huffman, and others
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TextAppeal for Guys!
- The Ultimate Texting Guide
- By: Michael Masters
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 2 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 426
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 358
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 350
I promise you this, if you read this book and apply it's principles, you will have so much more success with women. Imagine, all of the cash you are leaving on the table by not understanding how to get what you want! Imagine, all of those dates, with so many hot girls that you didn't go on simply because you couldn't text right! Seriously, texting incorrectly can crush your chances with women permanently. I can't tell you how many women have vented to me their frustrations at what you are doing.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Surprising
- By Fulltime Vagabond on 02-27-13
By: Michael Masters
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
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Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 142
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Story4 out of 5 stars 140
As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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5 out of 5 stars
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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The Southern Education of a Jersey Girl
- Adventures in Life and Love in the Heart of Dixie
- By: Jaime Primak Sullivan
- Narrated by: Jaime Primak Sullivan
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 340
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 307
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 304
Jaime Primak Sullivan, a Jersey-bred, tough-as-nails PR maven - and unlikely transplant in an upscale suburb of Birmingham, Alabama - has spent her entire life crossing the line: whether she's pushing the boundaries of what proper Southern ladies consider to be "polite behavior" or literally traversing the Mason-Dixon line in the name of love. She isn't afraid to say what everyone is thinking when it comes to love, sex, friendship, and many other topics that are all too often sugar-coated in polite Southern company.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Awesome book
- By Gwendolyn on 09-23-16
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 290
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 266
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 263
In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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The Todd Glass Situation
- A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Standup Comedy
- By: Todd Glass, Jonathan Grotenstein
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 68
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 59
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Story4 out of 5 stars 59
Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Worth It
- By Heather on 11-17-14
By: Todd Glass, and others
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Single State of Mind
- By: Andi Dorfman
- Narrated by: Andi Dorfman
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 651
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 573
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 571
Andi Dorfman, breakout star of ABC's The Bachelorette and New York Times best-selling author of It's Not Okay, returns with this new collection of her adventures as a still-single gal surviving and thriving in New York City.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Shallow
- By c63989 on 01-10-18
By: Andi Dorfman
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You Lost Him at Hello
- From Dating to 'I Do': Secret Strategies from One of America’s Top Dating Coaches
- By: Jess McCann
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 146
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 124
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 126
She used to make the same mistakes we've all made with men - until she realized that the winning formula to attracting the right guy lay in skills she already had. As a successful saleswoman, Jess has practiced the techniques in promoting a product, finding the right approach, making the pitch, and closing deal after deal. Once she started to apply these same techniques to the dating scene, her love life made a complete 180, and she found herself with more interested men than she knew what to do with.
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4 out of 5 stars
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great book
- By Barbara on 04-24-13
By: Jess McCann
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
- By: Courtney Robertson, Deborah Baer
- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 577
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 513
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 510
Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
-
She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 755
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 670
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 669
From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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5 out of 5 stars
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 44
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 33
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 32
Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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Crash and Burn
- By: Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,195
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,067
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,068
At a high point in his career, Artie Lange performed a sold-out show in Carnegie Hall-and he did it with a pocketful of heroin. In the midst of a deep, self-destructive depression, addicted to heroin, cocaine, and prescription drugs, he lashed out at everyone around him-from his cohosts on The Howard Stern Show to celebrity guests and even his longtime friends. Then came his legendary meltdown on-air, with 6 million people listening, after which Lange pulled himself together enough to go to a buddy's bachelor party in Amsterdam.
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3 out of 5 stars
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[Narrator Fail] Comic Genius+Depression+Drugs=Mess
- By Hilary on 11-07-13
By: Artie Lange, and others
-
Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
-
Was It Something I Said
- The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas
- By: Jess McCann
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 54
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 47
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 47
It's not unusual for Jess McCann to receive a frantic late-night call from one of her clients, asking for advice while out on a date. And every single girl knows the frustration of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and wishing she could take it back and say something better. Well, now you can get it right the first time around with McCann's indispensable dating survival guide.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Not as good as "You lost him at hello"
- By Lorenza on 11-23-15
By: Jess McCann
-
I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 463
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 402
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
What listeners say about Not a Match
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jennifer D. Gillman
- 01-15-22
Don’t date him, just marry him!
This guy is hilarious. I have laughed the whole time. He’s perfect, except he shouldn’t date. Ever. ;)
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
-
Story1 out of 5 stars
- Donna
- 04-11-14
There is a Reason He's Single
What disappointed you about Not a Match?
The story is about his online dating failures, but rather than blaming the crazy girls, he may want to look at himself to see what the problem is. He reads his own book for us and sounds like a bad stand up comic waiting for us to laugh at the joke that wasn't that funny. I really tried to give this audio book a chance, but it was painful to listen to. A big disappointment.
What could Brian Donovan have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?
Had a comedian with better material read and write it.
Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Ax Norman?
Yes
If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Not a Match?
His side comments, where he seems to be befriending the reader. Geeky
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- CharMar
- 01-02-17
Pretty Funny Stories
There were a few parts where I laughed out loud. Would recommend to someone who is single and trying to date, or has their own stories to tell.
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
-
Performance1 out of 5 stars
-
Story1 out of 5 stars
- U St
- 03-03-14
badly written and boring to listen to
I really would like to have that wasted hour back...it's just not interesting and really boring
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Miamigrrl
- 02-24-14
Funny and informative
Would you listen to Not a Match again? Why?
I would listen to this again - both to hear about the author's dates and to refresh myself on his online dating tips.
Who was your favorite character and why?
I liked the author because he seemed to be aware of his drawbacks but realized that it wasn't those that were causing the strange behavior in some of his dates.
What does Ax Norman bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
The narrator brought just the right touch of nerdy voice to the story line.
What did you learn from Not a Match that you would use in your daily life?
I learned that it's standard practice for people to be less than truthful in their dating profiles.
Any additional comments?
I would strongly suggest that anyone considering (or currently engaged in) online dating read or listen to this book.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Itamar
- 03-21-14
Easy Listening
Well while I didn't really learn much from this story it was very funny and brought a smile and laughter in almost every chapter.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Julie
- 04-23-16
Enjoyable Little Read!
This book managed to be awkward and funny yet sweet as well - the author's bewilderment in some circumstances was hilarious. I have been on similar dates ...this book is worth it!
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Trevor
- 02-19-14
bleh
What would have made Not a Match better?
Too short, not very entertaining. Most of the information given was common sense.
What could Brian Donovan have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?
He could have added more stories, or gone into more detail about them. He tried to be funny throughout, but it came of as pretty lame.
What does Ax Norman bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
He makes the story as lively as it can be made.
If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Not a Match?
The final scene doesn't fit. This book was supposed to be about his online dating horror stories, the final story was about he woman he met at work, not the same thing.
Any additional comments?
I only got this because it was offered to me for free, had it not been I would have never bothered. If you can get it for free, check it out. If not, keep on moving!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kindle Customer
- 11-25-20
Funny
FUNNY, accurate descriptions of dating sites, and online dating from a male perspective. :) ;)
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
-
Story1 out of 5 stars
- Cathy
- 04-05-14
terrible i only gave this a star so i could review
What disappointed you about Not a Match?
The part i listened to was stupid, i started out thinking this was going to be fun but it was filty!
Would you ever listen to anything by Brian Donovan again?
no
How could the performance have been better?
leave out the trash, do people really live like that??
Any additional comments?
I met my husband online so I thought this would be some funny stories because I had a few but this just got worse and worse. Not worth even if it was free!
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