You’ve got a business colleague who’s hostile...a client who’s furious...a staffer who’s deeply cynical—how do you get people to do what you want in tough situations like these? In Just Listen, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals the secret to how to get through to anyone, even when productive communication seems impossible.“Here's the challenge,” Mark says. “People have their own needs, desires, and agendas. They have secrets they’re hiding from you. And they’re stressed, busy, and often feeling like they’re in over their heads. To cope, they throw up barricades that make it difficult to reach them even when your goals are in sync with their own.”But the good news is that there are simple strategies that can make you compelling, and break down the walls that keep you from getting through to the people you need to buy into your ideas and goals. Just Listen presents remarkably effective tools and techniques you can use whenever a job, a sale, or a relationship hangs in the balance.How effective are Mark’s techniques? One of his areas of expertise is training FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life-or-death situations. “The same tips I teach these professionals for building empathy, de-escalating conflict, and gaining buy-in will work in any situation,” Mark says. “Whether you’re a new employee fresh out of school, a salesperson, or a CEO, once you master these skills you can take them wherever you go in your career.” And Mark has proven these strategies in his own 30-year career as a business coach at companies such as GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Kodak, Federal Express, Hyatt, and Disney.
With this powerful yet engaging audio book, you’ll learn how to:
”Barricades between people become barriers to success, progress, and happiness; so getting through is not just a fine art, but a crucial skill. Just Listen gives you the techniques and confidence to approach the unreachable people in your life, and turn frustrating situations into productive outcomes and rewarding relationships.
©2009 Mark Goulston (P)2011 Gildan Media Corp
“Goulston’s book delivers on his promise. Read it and you will discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone, and I mean anyone!” (Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul)
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I would say thanks Dr. Mark Goulson for this insightful book of yours. I, for one, have tremendously enjoyed the book. In fact, I found it so interesting that I listened to it twice and some of the chapters more than 3 times to indgrain the message.
It's true: if you read/ listen to Carnegie's "How to make friends and influence people", you will find Dr. Mark Goulston's advice is very similar with that of Dale Carnegie's. To the author's credit, even Carnegie says in his book that most of his advice stems from lessons learned long ago by our predecessors. I don't see a problem in reiterating good advice.
What I like about the book, that the author gives examples for how to deal with very common situation and he gives it in a simple step-by-step fashion. Critics might find some of the examples not relevant for everyone as they are more directed towards corporate world but I found them informative and could also relate to them in the context of the personal life. As an aspiring psychotherapist, I would definately listen to this book when there would come an urge to make people feel "felt" :)!
Ok, I'm going to cheat and write this review knowing more than I knew when I first listened to this book. It's true: if you read/ listen to Carnegie's "How to make friends and influence people", you will find that Dr. Goulston's advice is very similar with that of Dale Carnegie's. To the author's credit, even Carnegie says in his book that most of his advice stems from lessons learned long ago by our predecessors. I don't see a problem in reiterating good advice.
I, for one, have tremendously enjoyed the book. In fact, I found it so interesting that I listened to it twice. In a row.
Dr. Goulston gives pragmatic advice: he gives examples for how to deal with very common situation and he gives it in a simple step-by-step fashion. As a young professional given the opportunity to thrive in a high-level position, I particularly enjoyed one part of a chapter at the end. "When the student is ready, the teacher will come": thank you Dr. Goulston, you have, without a doubt, improved my interactions with the people that surround me. Sometimes I wish I had a mentor like THAT in my life.
I really enjoyed this book and found it quite helpful, however I would be cautious in who I would recommend it to. Put in the hands of a manipulator, it would give tools to sharpen their skills. I would hope someone listening to it would desire to learn more about how to truly open up lines of communication with those who struggle in that area and care enough to bring healing in relationships. At times, this came across by Dr. Goulston. At other times, it felt very technique oriented in how to get what you want out of people. I am not able to give it 5 stars for this reason alone. Overall, I would buy this book again and plan to listen to it a few more times...with discretion:)
I enjoyed the many practical examples he gave to help people be able to communicate their concerns. I also appreciated the explanations he gave for why people struggle or what might be blocking them when they are unable to express their concerns.
He gave a wonderful example of how F. Lee Bailey tried to bully him on the stand during the O.J. Simpson trial. He was caught off guard and brought into the drama on national TV. Terrible misjudgments were being made about Dr. Goulston and he walked us through exactly how he dismantled F.Lee Bailey's attack. It was very practical and calm. This was one of several example's he gave on numerous subjects.
This book was very useful in helping me to know how to make less threatening statements and ask more open questions in order to find out why someone may be hurting or feel fearful regarding a certain situation.
This is the most practical book about relationship psychology I have encountered. It is also one of the most advanced. The book is made up of enough theory to explain what is going on, but primarily just one technique (and 2 examples) after another. Very useful. I found myself immediately using and benefiting from the concepts.
The book may contain things you may already know inherently, however it offers some excellent insight to improving one's listening skills. This is my second listen to the narrator and I would not hesitate to listening to him recite the phone book. His intonation, pace and pleasant timber makes for a great listen.
I almost didn't buy this book because of the obnoxious comments by the person from VA, who appears so defensive that it now seems as though Mark may have run over their cat, I've had bad experiences with car-sales people and neither the tone used by the author or the narrator justifies the comparison made.
All criticism for the unfortunate soul aside, I have read books about leadership, neuroscience, social science and management (before anyone points this out....you don't have to be a manager to be a leader :P) and have to say that this has been the easiest and most pleasant to read. I have given the Kindle version to my son who has just entered high school and is having his first encounter with bullies. I believe there is something in this book for everyone.
Will be looking into more of Mark's books, he may not given birth to the ideas captured in the book but he certainly has articulated them very well.
I read and listen to personal development books constantly and am always looking to expand my knowledge and ability to connect with people. I know I've read on here that people think all/many of the things in this book are common sense and to them, they may be. I must live in an extremely uncommon area and know some uncommon people and I myself must be terribly uncommon then if this book is loaded full of common sense. I learned quite a bit and realized that those around me could stop beating their heads against the same walls over and over again if they had these tools. I will say that it absolutely MAKES sense. The level of connection I am able to have with people has increased dramatically. My marriage is better than it has ever been (It's been less than 2 weeks since I first listened to it, also). I see much more clearly what is going on with people and myself. I understand myself better after this. The author gives you useable tools that you can put into action immediately. A lot of books talk about subjects and what is going on with people but often translating it from ideas on a page to practical application can be quite challenging, if not impossible for most, but not with this book. He gives you optional tasks, action guides and the confidence to put these practices into action. I am very grateful to this author and the information in here. I know I've always had an issue with my heart racing and losing my train of thought during confrontations with people and feeling intimidated by people. I now know how to effective and efficiently counter those "fight or flight" feelings that always seem to sabotage me and leave me feeling helpless. I can already notice that I feel less "emotionally hijacked" in situations what would have gotten the best of me in the past, even in such a short period of time. It takes work and is a process but I am looking forward to getting better and being able to connect with people and making all of our lives more fulfilling. I also like how the techniques in this book are not manipulative. They are not designed to take advantage of people, rather to connect with them for mutual gain. It gives you the tools to help other people feel like they matter and thus you feel like you matter. Study after study show that our levelx of happiness are directly proportionate to the quality of the relationships in our life. Knowing that, picking up a resource that can have a dramatic impact on the area in life that contributes the most to our happiness is invaluable. I wish you the same growth and connection with people that I have gained. Also, if you're trying to influence someone (and we all are all of the time to some degree or another be it our spouse, children, relatives, customer service rep...), until we have some form of connection with them, we have no influence. Thank you Dr. Goulston.
When I drive, I read... uhm listen. I like SciFi, Fantasy, some Detective and Espionage novels and Religion. Now and then I will also listen to something else.
I am really not sure how much of Dr. Mark Goulston's book 'Just Listen' is about listening and how much is about techniques that might help you achieve your objectives with other people. I hoped that the book was about active listening skills, but it is more about techniques which might be useful to managers and sales reps, especially if you are American. What is the reason for me saying this?
1. It is a self help book that focusses on you achieving greatness through listening, but not listening with no expectations, listening as a tool of steering people in a way that they might not initially want themselves to be steered. (Am I imagining it or may there be some ethical dissonance or is it something that is a bit more unacceptable in my culture?)
2. It is American because it takes for granted that you will know the people to whom Goulston refer. They are American and there are never any explanation of who they really are. This creates an in-group out-group feeling of which I found myself mostly in the out-group (except when he spoke about Colin Powell and OJ Simpson).
3. Most of the techniques he explains must be exercised consciously, like the power thank you; the power apology; the filling in the gaps etcetera. It made me wonder about the genuineness of the genuineness propagated in these.
I can see that this book can be of help to a lot of people, yet I wonder how much of it becomes an acted out staging event instead of genuine interaction. I was wondering if one cannot be caught up in sticking to techniques thus loosing true interaction. It was especially the use of leading questions as well as the presumptions that the writer wants the listener to make that made me wonder about how much this book contributes to real listening. I would have thought that open questions and the funnelling technique etcetera would have jumped up somewhere in this book. in my humble opinion you are equipped in formulas and listening strategies, but not listening techniques. I think the "O crap to Okay" technique is the most valuable tool you might come across in this book.
For some or other reason Walter Dixon's reading of this book didn't feel completely right. It could be that the way he read it also subtracted to the 'genuineness' I struggled to find in the book.
I would recommend this book to managers and sales rep's who need to quick fix certain relationships. I would recommend it to people who know the American high-flyers, the men and women that believes they make the world go round. Be warned that you might easily feel excluded by unintentional in-group and out-group language. (I think the book needs to be rewritten for the international market.)
I have listened to it 4 times now and will continue listening because there is so much valuable information you can use in many situations to connect with another human being.
The world would truly be a much better place if more people knew and used the information in this book.
I like his use of the pronouns "she" and "her" instead of the overused "he" and "him".
Mr Dixon brings the examples to life. It is so easy to listen to and helps you retain the information.
I was inspired by Dr. Goulston's integrity in giving credit to so many other people when he used a tip or idea from someone else. It's one thing to give credit to somebody's published works but to give credit to someone else for something they said shows me that Dr. Goulston is a person you can trust.
This only proves to me he is about credibility and not manipulation.
Before I downloaded the audio I browsed the reviews and noticed some mixed feelings. I think those that have made neutral or negative comments are really missing the point. It's kinda funny actually because they are exhibiting the exact behavior of those that don't listen.
I wondered if the book would just be a bunch of artificial scripts or information on how to really listen. I was pleasantly surprised how much genuine, honest information this book has on becoming a better listener and a better human being. It reminded me of Steven Covey's story about the current personality almost artificial based literature verses the older principle based literature he discovered. This may be a current publication but the information is based on timeless principles.
In today's "Information Age" the listening skills this book will help you develop will only put you in the front of the line in effectiveness.
Starts really good, has great information and reinforces the need to shut up in order to actually listen. Has some great techniques, presented well, explained well. Lots of anecdotes.
But I always find this problem with books about "Listening". Somewhere along the line, you need to be listened to, and the unspoken presumption is that if you listen, REALLY listen, then your turn will come around and the other person will listen to you. But in my experience, that doesn't happen so often.
A great follow up book would be "How to be heard".
Having said all that, I'll listen to it again.
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