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Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone | [Mark Goulston]

Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

You’ve got a business colleague who’s hostile...a client who’s furious...a staffer who’s deeply cynical—how do you get people to do what you want in tough situations like these? In Just Listen, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals the secret to how to get through to anyone, even when productive communication seems impossible.“Here's the challenge,” Mark says.
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Publisher's Summary

You’ve got a business colleague who’s hostile...a client who’s furious...a staffer who’s deeply cynical—how do you get people to do what you want in tough situations like these? In Just Listen, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals the secret to how to get through to anyone, even when productive communication seems impossible.“Here's the challenge,” Mark says. “People have their own needs, desires, and agendas. They have secrets they’re hiding from you. And they’re stressed, busy, and often feeling like they’re in over their heads. To cope, they throw up barricades that make it difficult to reach them even when your goals are in sync with their own.”But the good news is that there are simple strategies that can make you compelling, and break down the walls that keep you from getting through to the people you need to buy into your ideas and goals. Just Listen presents remarkably effective tools and techniques you can use whenever a job, a sale, or a relationship hangs in the balance.How effective are Mark’s techniques? One of his areas of expertise is training FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life-or-death situations. “The same tips I teach these professionals for building empathy, de-escalating conflict, and gaining buy-in will work in any situation,” Mark says. “Whether you’re a new employee fresh out of school, a salesperson, or a CEO, once you master these skills you can take them wherever you go in your career.” And Mark has proven these strategies in his own 30-year career as a business coach at companies such as GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Kodak, Federal Express, Hyatt, and Disney.

With this powerful yet engaging audio book, you’ll learn how to:

  • Get the attention of a total stranger who you need to know—like that potential client you absolutely must land.
  • Talk an angry person up from an instinctual (irrational) state to receptivity, and finally to rationality—a skill that can save a job, a marriage, or even a life.
  • Use the “Magic Paradox”—a technique the author developed for hostage negotiators— to turn a negative person into an asset.
  • Master the critical art of buy-in (the foreplay of negotiation, persuasion, and selling) by moving anyone through the “Persuasion Cycle.

”Barricades between people become barriers to success, progress, and happiness; so getting through is not just a fine art, but a crucial skill. Just Listen gives you the techniques and confidence to approach the unreachable people in your life, and turn frustrating situations into productive outcomes and rewarding relationships.

©2009 Mark Goulston (P)2011 Gildan Media Corp

What the Critics Say

“Goulston’s book delivers on his promise. Read it and you will discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone, and I mean anyone!” (Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

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  •  
    M.Amini 2700, Denmark 05-22-12
    M.Amini 2700, Denmark 05-22-12

    I am writer, blogger, mom of two girls, book-nerd, coffee lover, literacy advocate, media addict, aspiring photographer and soon to become p

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    "Very insightful for those who get the message"
    Would you consider the audio edition of Just Listen to be better than the print version?

    I would say thanks Dr. Mark Goulson for this insightful book of yours. I, for one, have tremendously enjoyed the book. In fact, I found it so interesting that I listened to it twice and some of the chapters more than 3 times to indgrain the message.

    It's true: if you read/ listen to Carnegie's "How to make friends and influence people", you will find Dr. Mark Goulston's advice is very similar with that of Dale Carnegie's. To the author's credit, even Carnegie says in his book that most of his advice stems from lessons learned long ago by our predecessors. I don't see a problem in reiterating good advice.

    What I like about the book, that the author gives examples for how to deal with very common situation and he gives it in a simple step-by-step fashion. Critics might find some of the examples not relevant for everyone as they are more directed towards corporate world but I found them informative and could also relate to them in the context of the personal life. As an aspiring psychotherapist, I would definately listen to this book when there would come an urge to make people feel "felt" :)!


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Niels Vanspauwen 04-30-12
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    "Packed with actionable insights"
    Any additional comments?

    I discovered Mark Goulston through an excellent interview on Mixergy. I bought the book immediately afterward. It was all I hoped for and more: jam packed with actionable advice, useful in all areas of live.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Maria Lachine, Quebec, Canada 04-11-12
    Maria Lachine, Quebec, Canada 04-11-12 Member Since 2011
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    "Pragmatic"

    Ok, I'm going to cheat and write this review knowing more than I knew when I first listened to this book. It's true: if you read/ listen to Carnegie's "How to make friends and influence people", you will find that Dr. Goulston's advice is very similar with that of Dale Carnegie's. To the author's credit, even Carnegie says in his book that most of his advice stems from lessons learned long ago by our predecessors. I don't see a problem in reiterating good advice.

    I, for one, have tremendously enjoyed the book. In fact, I found it so interesting that I listened to it twice. In a row.

    Dr. Goulston gives pragmatic advice: he gives examples for how to deal with very common situation and he gives it in a simple step-by-step fashion. As a young professional given the opportunity to thrive in a high-level position, I particularly enjoyed one part of a chapter at the end. "When the student is ready, the teacher will come": thank you Dr. Goulston, you have, without a doubt, improved my interactions with the people that surround me. Sometimes I wish I had a mentor like THAT in my life.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Renee Woodstock, GA, United States 01-30-12
    Renee Woodstock, GA, United States 01-30-12
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    "Listen With Discretion..."
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I really enjoyed this book and found it quite helpful, however I would be cautious in who I would recommend it to. Put in the hands of a manipulator, it would give tools to sharpen their skills. I would hope someone listening to it would desire to learn more about how to truly open up lines of communication with those who struggle in that area and care enough to bring healing in relationships. At times, this came across by Dr. Goulston. At other times, it felt very technique oriented in how to get what you want out of people. I am not able to give it 5 stars for this reason alone. Overall, I would buy this book again and plan to listen to it a few more times...with discretion:)


    What did you like best about this story?

    I enjoyed the many practical examples he gave to help people be able to communicate their concerns. I also appreciated the explanations he gave for why people struggle or what might be blocking them when they are unable to express their concerns.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    He gave a wonderful example of how F. Lee Bailey tried to bully him on the stand during the O.J. Simpson trial. He was caught off guard and brought into the drama on national TV. Terrible misjudgments were being made about Dr. Goulston and he walked us through exactly how he dismantled F.Lee Bailey's attack. It was very practical and calm. This was one of several example's he gave on numerous subjects.


    What did you learn from Just Listen that you would use in your daily life?

    This book was very useful in helping me to know how to make less threatening statements and ask more open questions in order to find out why someone may be hurting or feel fearful regarding a certain situation.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    M Scott St Cyr 01-23-12 Member Since 2009
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    "Very Good for Business and Life"

    This is the most practical book about relationship psychology I have encountered. It is also one of the most advanced. The book is made up of enough theory to explain what is going on, but primarily just one technique (and 2 examples) after another. Very useful. I found myself immediately using and benefiting from the concepts.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sherry Calgary, Canada 12-20-11
    Sherry Calgary, Canada 12-20-11 Member Since 2007
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    "Excellent Information for Communication!"

    The book may contain things you may already know inherently, however it offers some excellent insight to improving one's listening skills. This is my second listen to the narrator and I would not hesitate to listening to him recite the phone book. His intonation, pace and pleasant timber makes for a great listen.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
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    Ed POINT COOK, Australia 03-14-12
    Ed POINT COOK, Australia 03-14-12 Member Since 2010
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    "Insightful and informative"

    I almost didn't buy this book because of the obnoxious comments by the person from VA, who appears so defensive that it now seems as though Mark may have run over their cat, I've had bad experiences with car-sales people and neither the tone used by the author or the narrator justifies the comparison made.

    All criticism for the unfortunate soul aside, I have read books about leadership, neuroscience, social science and management (before anyone points this out....you don't have to be a manager to be a leader :P) and have to say that this has been the easiest and most pleasant to read. I have given the Kindle version to my son who has just entered high school and is having his first encounter with bullies. I believe there is something in this book for everyone.

    Will be looking into more of Mark's books, he may not given birth to the ideas captured in the book but he certainly has articulated them very well.

    4 of 5 people found this review helpful
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    Nothing really matters Ottawa, Ontario, Canada 03-19-14
    Nothing really matters Ottawa, Ontario, Canada 03-19-14 Member Since 2013

    Rob Thomas

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    "Liked the info in this book."

    The information the author presents about communicating is really very interesting.

    I reduced the overall rating of the book from five to four because I kept getting the feeling the author thought very, very highly of himself and I'm not a fan of smugness.

    Still, I reccomend the book for its content.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Darek MULBERRY, FL, United States 02-24-14
    Darek MULBERRY, FL, United States 02-24-14 Member Since 2013
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    "This Book DELIVERS & my life is easier now!"

    I read and listen to personal development books constantly and am always looking to expand my knowledge and ability to connect with people. I know I've read on here that people think all/many of the things in this book are common sense and to them, they may be. I must live in an extremely uncommon area and know some uncommon people and I myself must be terribly uncommon then if this book is loaded full of common sense. I learned quite a bit and realized that those around me could stop beating their heads against the same walls over and over again if they had these tools. I will say that it absolutely MAKES sense. The level of connection I am able to have with people has increased dramatically. My marriage is better than it has ever been (It's been less than 2 weeks since I first listened to it, also). I see much more clearly what is going on with people and myself. I understand myself better after this. The author gives you useable tools that you can put into action immediately. A lot of books talk about subjects and what is going on with people but often translating it from ideas on a page to practical application can be quite challenging, if not impossible for most, but not with this book. He gives you optional tasks, action guides and the confidence to put these practices into action. I am very grateful to this author and the information in here. I know I've always had an issue with my heart racing and losing my train of thought during confrontations with people and feeling intimidated by people. I now know how to effective and efficiently counter those "fight or flight" feelings that always seem to sabotage me and leave me feeling helpless. I can already notice that I feel less "emotionally hijacked" in situations what would have gotten the best of me in the past, even in such a short period of time. It takes work and is a process but I am looking forward to getting better and being able to connect with people and making all of our lives more fulfilling. I also like how the techniques in this book are not manipulative. They are not designed to take advantage of people, rather to connect with them for mutual gain. It gives you the tools to help other people feel like they matter and thus you feel like you matter. Study after study show that our levelx of happiness are directly proportionate to the quality of the relationships in our life. Knowing that, picking up a resource that can have a dramatic impact on the area in life that contributes the most to our happiness is invaluable. I wish you the same growth and connection with people that I have gained. Also, if you're trying to influence someone (and we all are all of the time to some degree or another be it our spouse, children, relatives, customer service rep...), until we have some form of connection with them, we have no influence. Thank you Dr. Goulston.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David ALBUQUERQUE, NM, United States 12-18-12
    David ALBUQUERQUE, NM, United States 12-18-12 Member Since 2011
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    ""They don't see the sky...""
    Would you listen to Just Listen again? Why?

    I have listened to it 4 times now and will continue listening because there is so much valuable information you can use in many situations to connect with another human being.

    The world would truly be a much better place if more people knew and used the information in this book.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Just Listen?

    I like his use of the pronouns "she" and "her" instead of the overused "he" and "him".


    What does Walter Dixon bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    Mr Dixon brings the examples to life. It is so easy to listen to and helps you retain the information.


    What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

    I was inspired by Dr. Goulston's integrity in giving credit to so many other people when he used a tip or idea from someone else. It's one thing to give credit to somebody's published works but to give credit to someone else for something they said shows me that Dr. Goulston is a person you can trust.

    This only proves to me he is about credibility and not manipulation.


    Any additional comments?

    Before I downloaded the audio I browsed the reviews and noticed some mixed feelings. I think those that have made neutral or negative comments are really missing the point. It's kinda funny actually because they are exhibiting the exact behavior of those that don't listen.

    I wondered if the book would just be a bunch of artificial scripts or information on how to really listen. I was pleasantly surprised how much genuine, honest information this book has on becoming a better listener and a better human being. It reminded me of Steven Covey's story about the current personality almost artificial based literature verses the older principle based literature he discovered. This may be a current publication but the information is based on timeless principles.

    In today's "Information Age" the listening skills this book will help you develop will only put you in the front of the line in effectiveness.

    3 of 4 people found this review helpful
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