Like countless other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggest, lies in attachment; children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives.
Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. This peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta; and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions, none of which are impossible or even costly to undertake.
Hold On To Your Kids will restore parenting to ts natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to parent and satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards them for their source of authority, contact, and warmth. Daniel Maté’s warm and sensitive narration, gift with dialogue, and engagement with the authors writing make this an enjoyable and informative listen.
©2005 Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté (P)2012 Post Hypnotic Press, Inc.
I loved the empathy and connection and validation of what parents feel when their children become alienated. It hit home and healed deep, old hurts.
A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne. Both books work on the concept of rubric -- how any event will be resonded to is based on what the event means. Both books offer life-changing alternate points of veiw.
Daniel Mate is in fact one of the children of one of the authors. His reading affirms the concept of the book.
Very few books have the ability to change how you remember the past and make sense of events that at the time seemed random and against reason. This is one of those books that changes your daily life by allowing you to leave behind the emotional baggage.
This book presents such a thought-provoking argument. Beyond that, it really makes you question yourself and the status quo. This book may even help explain some of your adolescence. It's a serious call to action that you'll feel long after the book is over. I expect this book to ignite some controversy in the media, as well as with parents who are intent on doing the bare minimum as "parents". This is a life-changing book.
Every parent and parent to be must read. Great ideas on how to make sure that kids will not substitute us with peers for their own good and ours too.
Yes - Great parenting book
The Roots of what counts.
Many so unable to just pick one.
No - It's long but worth your time.
Finally a book I can recommend when parents ask what they should read!
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