Like countless other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggest, lies in attachment; children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives.
Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. This peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta; and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions, none of which are impossible or even costly to undertake.
Hold On To Your Kids will restore parenting to ts natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to parent and satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards them for their source of authority, contact, and warmth. Daniel Maté’s warm and sensitive narration, gift with dialogue, and engagement with the authors writing make this an enjoyable and informative listen.
©2005 Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté (P)2012 Post Hypnotic Press, Inc.
I loved the empathy and connection and validation of what parents feel when their children become alienated. It hit home and healed deep, old hurts.
A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne. Both books work on the concept of rubric -- how any event will be resonded to is based on what the event means. Both books offer life-changing alternate points of veiw.
Daniel Mate is in fact one of the children of one of the authors. His reading affirms the concept of the book.
Very few books have the ability to change how you remember the past and make sense of events that at the time seemed random and against reason. This is one of those books that changes your daily life by allowing you to leave behind the emotional baggage.
This book is an absolute must read for all parents of young and adolescent aged children. I have completed this book twice now and it is a total game changer. Through this book I am learning I must be willing to challenge my perspective on parenting before I can change my child's behavior. This book has greatly improved my relationship with my two young children. I am forever grateful.
This book presents such a thought-provoking argument. Beyond that, it really makes you question yourself and the status quo. This book may even help explain some of your adolescence. It's a serious call to action that you'll feel long after the book is over. I expect this book to ignite some controversy in the media, as well as with parents who are intent on doing the bare minimum as "parents". This is a life-changing book.
I really enjoy Gabor Mate. I could live without the graphic language he includes as part of the lives he reviews; however, the information is easily understood but not overly simplistic. I would recommend this to anyone and especially those raising or about to raise children.
The realization of peer orientation on society
Better than Realm of the Hunger Ghosts, but equally important to understand.
How important it is to emotionally court, gather, connect and be there emotionally for children.
Mind-altering, Essential, Current.
When the realization sinks in how exactly parenting has changed over generations and what we need to do to correct the issues that have come up.
When the author took his teenage daughters for a quick vacation to mend his relationship with them, how over time they warmed up and reconnected with him again (or as he calls it "reclaiming our children") as a good father-daughter relationship should be with respect, openness and understanding.
I have learned to be present in my child's life, to reclaim my place as the nurturing parent not only to her basic survival needs, but also to emotional support and understanding to express unconditional love that I have for her, to enable her to grow into a confident and self-sufficient adult.
I have read many parenting books as a first time mom, being nervous diving into parenthood with only rumors and conflicting advice from well wishers. This book brings all my knowledge together into a complete confident understanding of my duties to my child and realistic expectations of her as an individual. I would highly recommend this book to any new or weathered parent because the ideas brought to light here I have never heard before but they seem so evident now that I know of them. This is the best guide to help parents understand their children and parent better. This is the only book that doesn't tell you "how" to do your job as a parent but it opens your eyes on points that make you understand what needs to happen to be successful.
I highly recommend this book to all parents and to those who work with and love children.
It is full of both good common sense as well as important scientific information on the development of children!
A must-read for all parents and everyone involved in child care! This book is really eye-opening in regards to why children are so different nowadays from what they used to be like. The info is presented in an easy to understand language and contains important tips on how to maintain a good relationship with your kids and bring them to maturity.
Every parent and parent to be must read. Great ideas on how to make sure that kids will not substitute us with peers for their own good and ours too.
amazing book with great insight for parents. teaches and educates but does not give "skills to impement" which keeps parents reliant of professionals rather than parenting with intuition and intention.
Yes - Great parenting book
The Roots of what counts.
Many so unable to just pick one.
No - It's long but worth your time.
Finally a book I can recommend when parents ask what they should read!
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