In the classic best-seller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.
©2013 eChristian (P)2013 eChristian
First, what I am frustrated by is the lack of understanding. He talks about women "needing to wear makeup" to be beautiful, and "needing to lose weight" to be beautiful. This is societal shaming and it needs to stop.
Women are not innately unattractive because they don't wear make up, or because they are fat. There are some gorgeous women who are fat, and there are some stunning women who choose not to wear makeup.
For example, Alicia Keys hasn't been wearing makeup, but she is still a stunning human being. If a man only finds a woman attractive when she wears makeup, he is not finding her attractive at all. He is finding attractive what society has told him to. Men are attracted to women biologically. That means that before women ever wore makeup, we were making babies. If you look at past art, men used to find fat women attractive. That means it has nothing to do with changing your appearance to fit someone's ideals, but finding someone who loves you from the start. If we perpetuate this idea that "most women have changed themselves" for guys when they are dating, and then get into marriage and "let themselves go" then we need to change how dating happens, and not our level of comfort and vulnerability in a marriage.
He uses an example to excuse himself, saying that if a man goes into a marriage expecting a thin woman, and his wife gets fat, then that should excuse him. The thing is, though, if you go into a marriage not knowing that your wife used to be fat, and struggles with eating, then you are going to struggle with more than superficial issues. Second, a woman cannot be expected to constantly look "put together" when the same expectation placed on men is that they "brush their teeth" and "take a shower".
I appreciated some of his advice, but the more I got into it, the more I found myself talking to my fiance about what he really wanted from me, and not about what some guy says he needs. In the end, it comes down to whether or not you are honest with your spouse before your marriage about who you truly are. If you have lied about who you are, then you are going to have a lot more trouble than if you have just been an open book to start with.
I was married for 42 years and now widowed for 2 years. I have gone through many emotions since my husbands death. The realizations that while we loved each other my emotional needs weren't being met hardly ever. I now have a better understanding of where the lack was. This book helped me clarify for myself what I need. If I ever remarry this book will help me to determine whether the man I have an interest in can really fill these needs of mine. Excellent book. If I had this book while married we would have been more able to fill each other's needs better and found more joy and happiness together.
Although the basic message is there and helpful, I think the examples he uses are dated and unrealistic. There are parts of it where it sounds almost like he is victim shaming. I'm really sorry, needs not being met in a marriage usually goes both ways and are by no means an excuse for an affair. If gives the cheating spouse a by saying "it only happened because you weren't meeting my needs". I would only recommend to friends responsible enough to see through that.
I believe this was a good book with relational concepts valuable to all, but the book seemed geared for younger couples are or just post marriage. A good deal of content seems like common sense, but that's just me. Reader seems a bit condescending.
Recommended for those seeking practical advice for maintaining a loving and respectful heterosexual relationship. There are strong beliefs about traditional gender roles.
There's practical advice backed up by examples of conflicts and reconciliation. I appreciated that the language was NOT too academic (i.e. boring) like how some psychology and self-development books can be.
Good. Very engaging and easy to listen to.
Always keep working on my relationship.
I believe that author is Christian but he does not saturate the book with Scripture references or religious references that would prevent non-Christians from understanding the principles and advice of the book. I also appreciated that the author uses simple language and everyday examples.
easy listen and alot of eye openers. sounds like it should work great. here's to a wonderful marraige
Report Inappropriate Content