In the classic best-seller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.
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I was married for 42 years and now widowed for 2 years. I have gone through many emotions since my husbands death. The realizations that while we loved each other my emotional needs weren't being met hardly ever. I now have a better understanding of where the lack was. This book helped me clarify for myself what I need. If I ever remarry this book will help me to determine whether the man I have an interest in can really fill these needs of mine. Excellent book. If I had this book while married we would have been more able to fill each other's needs better and found more joy and happiness together.
First, what I am frustrated by is the lack of understanding. He talks about women "needing to wear makeup" to be beautiful, and "needing to lose weight" to be beautiful. This is societal shaming and it needs to stop.
Women are not innately unattractive because they don't wear make up, or because they are fat. There are some gorgeous women who are fat, and there are some stunning women who choose not to wear makeup.
For example, Alicia Keys hasn't been wearing makeup, but she is still a stunning human being. If a man only finds a woman attractive when she wears makeup, he is not finding her attractive at all. He is finding attractive what society has told him to. Men are attracted to women biologically. That means that before women ever wore makeup, we were making babies. If you look at past art, men used to find fat women attractive. That means it has nothing to do with changing your appearance to fit someone's ideals, but finding someone who loves you from the start. If we perpetuate this idea that "most women have changed themselves" for guys when they are dating, and then get into marriage and "let themselves go" then we need to change how dating happens, and not our level of comfort and vulnerability in a marriage.
He uses an example to excuse himself, saying that if a man goes into a marriage expecting a thin woman, and his wife gets fat, then that should excuse him. The thing is, though, if you go into a marriage not knowing that your wife used to be fat, and struggles with eating, then you are going to struggle with more than superficial issues. Second, a woman cannot be expected to constantly look "put together" when the same expectation placed on men is that they "brush their teeth" and "take a shower".
I appreciated some of his advice, but the more I got into it, the more I found myself talking to my fiance about what he really wanted from me, and not about what some guy says he needs. In the end, it comes down to whether or not you are honest with your spouse before your marriage about who you truly are. If you have lied about who you are, then you are going to have a lot more trouble than if you have just been an open book to start with.
Although the basic message is there and helpful, I think the examples he uses are dated and unrealistic. There are parts of it where it sounds almost like he is victim shaming. I'm really sorry, needs not being met in a marriage usually goes both ways and are by no means an excuse for an affair. If gives the cheating spouse a by saying "it only happened because you weren't meeting my needs". I would only recommend to friends responsible enough to see through that.
I believe this was a good book with relational concepts valuable to all, but the book seemed geared for younger couples are or just post marriage. A good deal of content seems like common sense, but that's just me. Reader seems a bit condescending.
Recommended for those seeking practical advice for maintaining a loving and respectful heterosexual relationship. There are strong beliefs about traditional gender roles.
There's practical advice backed up by examples of conflicts and reconciliation. I appreciated that the language was NOT too academic (i.e. boring) like how some psychology and self-development books can be.
Good. Very engaging and easy to listen to.
Always keep working on my relationship.
I believe that author is Christian but he does not saturate the book with Scripture references or religious references that would prevent non-Christians from understanding the principles and advice of the book. I also appreciated that the author uses simple language and everyday examples.
this book has been life changing to me and I strongly recommend it to anyone. the information in this book has helped me better understand my needs and my wife's needs and see where I failed to pull through.
The author describes some of the longings men and women have, and how they can be different and therefore hard to understand. It describes quite well the stages men and women go through in wanting sex, and this is something I haven't heard in a book before.
One of the best books I've listened to
Real life practical
Description of how we try to please the other spouse with things that are important to us instead of what's important to them.
This should be a required gift item at all weddings, it would cut the divorce rate in more than half.
I have already recommended this book to several couples because of the quality of information it contained. I don't believe in a perfect relationship; we are imperfect by design (the sum of our experiences). However, this book offers multiple ways to improve the quality of our love life if taken seriously.
The concept of deposits and withdrawals is so apparent that I don't know how I missed it. If both lovers apply this concept to daily living, then the mutual intentions of a happy home is guaranteed.
This is the first time I have listened to Willard and I think he was great.
There are many areas of this book that are useful for enhancing the quality of a relationship. Willard points to the fact that most of us tend to forget the efforts we made while trying to when the love of our partner. We get into routines that takes the love we treasure for granted.He also demonstrates how easy it is to find yourself on the side of the fence that grass only appears to be greener.
Don't waste your time and money on marriage counselling; listen to Willard F. Harley!
"good love guide book"
helping to understand both side of your love ones good basic love guide book
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