©1987, 1992 Hazelden Foundation; (P)2005 Recorded Books, LLC
"Few people understand this idea as well as Melody Beattie, an author recovering successfully from a variety of addictive disorders and entanglements." (AudioFile)
"Bettie understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift." (Time)
You will love Melody Beattie ... this book opened so many doors to me as well as helped me resolve so much of my problems ... i began to view things differently ... this book changed my life ... highly recommended
In the process of a divorce I decided to go to a therapist to see what I had done wrong, my partner of 15 years was leaving me with no meaningful explanation and I didn't see it coming. She mentioned the term codependency and boundaries to me, I found this book and it lead me to Adult Children of Alcoholics literature and a group. I couldn't believe all of these aspects of myself and my family I thought were uniquely insane were textbook alcoholic/disfunction. We didn't have alcohol in the family but was raised by a dry alcoholic with the same patterns. This has changed my life in such a healthy and wonderful way, I share the info with everyone I think can relate and am always shocked at how many people that is. I have come back to it years later when stress has triggered these behaviors in me and it helps get me back on track. I am so grateful! Great book, if you had any troubling disfunction in your upbringing or relationships after, if you think nobody ever listens to you, this book is for you.
Melody really humanizes Codependence in this book but using her own experiences. I found it very informative. Very helpful if you have been in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict or are one yourself.
I found it very difficult to follow the message of this book or get any real help from it. The author indicates there are a number of causes of co-dependency but seems to try to discuss them all at the same time. As a result, I found myself sorting through all of the causes and situations that did not pertain to me to try and find what did. The book would be much better and helpful if each cause, or similar causes, and resulting behaviors were grouped together in one or more chapters and discussed from start to finish.
At the age of 35, I had finally realized that I had an issue with codependency, but I honestly didn't know why. No one in my family was an alcoholic or addicted to drugs or anything. Then I became aware of this book. At first, I'll admit, I was worried that this book wouldn't work for me because it seemed to be very focused on codependency related to alcoholism. However, as the book progressed, it began touching on the other causes of codependency. Thanks to this book, I now realize that my codependent tendencies are a result of being abandoned by my father and then being raised in a militaristic family where my opinions, thoughts, and feelings didn't matter. This was a true breakthrough for me. It has allowed me to finally begin to heal the wounds that have been there for years. So even if your codependent issues aren't due to someone's chemical dependency, this book can be a huge help.
Someone asked me to read this book and I thought I'm not codependent but as I read I realized I was. This book had so many good ideas and so many good points I would recommend this to anybody codependent are lots of really good rules to live by.
I'm actually going to listen to it for the second time to pick up anything I may of missed.
This book reminds me to take care of ME first. We get spun into a circle of making sure everyone is cared for, nurtured,loved, fed, and their egos are boosted while silently fuming that our own needs go unmet. Why do I have to always be the one to reach out? This book helps to remind us that WE must take care of OUR needs first in order to be of any value to anyone else. I had forgotten that along the way.
I hate you! dont leave me!
No, this book needs to be taken in sections and absorbed, if you race thru it you miss so much. it is the book you want to listen to 50 times because you learn something you missed on time 30 by rushing.
Seriously it should be required reading in school.
It is a very clear review on codependency, its characteristics and some tools to manage it to get "better" which will reflect in a more fulfilling life
I thought the book was timeless. Finally I have a name for my personality type. Now I can identify my ‘rescue’ efforts I can try and control my impulse to help everybody. I so can not be bothered. I am like a magnet for the weak and vulnerable. You build them up – and off they fly with someone else. I definitely want to have relationships that aren’t based around the other person’s tragedies. I have carried too many people too far and I am emotional barren and always feel like the door mat. Fancy me being codependent on that! I thought they were on me and I was stuck having to support them. I have just got rid of my last ‘lost puppy’. I love dogs more than humans for sure, so now I’m just happy to give and take with my pooch. At least my time will be my own, I will have money in the back saved! And she will love me and always be there for me when I need her [not turn all woes back to focus on their problems all the time]. 36 now, hopefully this book has now woken me enough to stop taking on other people stuff….because after all it’s none of my business
So much of what she speaks to, rings true for me. I can see how far I've come and what still needs to be done.
She is gentle with her words but honest in her opinions.
Kudos, MS Beattie
"Every mother, wife, woman should own a copy"
This book was recommended to me by a counselor while I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is one woman's manual to overcoming struggles and although the book has a heavy emphasis on dealing with alcoholics, and people with dependency issues, something that was not necessarily true for me, it taught me a massive amount about my own thought process and really how I bet myself up way too much mentally.It genuinely changed me for the better and made me feel understood and more aware of my strengths.I purchased the audio version as I really did not feel like reading some "self help" crap, if I'm honest. However I think I made the right choice, the narrator is perfect and I have listened to some chapters over and over.I recommend this if you ever feel your kindness is taken advantage of, you feel under appreciated, you say yes to things because you feel guilty saying no or you have any sort of hurtful, or dysfunctional relationships in your life,You will finally understand everything,
It is written in a non-preachy way, it is not condescending and unlike other self help books, this can sometimes make you mad, but at yourself. It took me on a journey I will never forget.
Christina Moore is excellent. It feels like a chat rather than someone reading to you, I cannot recommend her highly enough
No, but it is a book you will ALWAYS go back to
If your in doubt, but other books are telling you the same old positive thinking diatribe..I cant emphasize enough, this book is a massive seller for a reason, and its one you will pass on
"Very good for recovery"
For me, personally, this (audio)book is one of the best I have listened to (read) recently. It not only points out to eventual causes of the disfunction but also to possible ways of recovering from it.
Very good reading style.
Many moments: couple of them are "feel what you feel", about anger, grief, 12 Step work and other
Genuinly, "high" on my priority list.
this is an eye opening piece, in that, it points out how one gets used to a constant pressing of harmful attitudes. why do I always attract these sorts? because I open the door and they walk in and I dont even think to stop them. this book is helping me put the latch on.
"Sound volume varies"
Towards the end of the book the volume goes down in parts and then back up again.
It is excellent though, very informative and enlightening.
"if you are codependent, thisnis for you"
The kindest and most compassionate map to freedom for those of us embroiled in another person's chaos.
Whether you think you need this book or not, YOU NEED IT!! Very insightful and understandable. I can't recommend it enough.
"Brilliant. Wish I had found this sooner"
Covers everything. I didn't even know I was codependent. I just kept attracting the same relationships
I thought that this book was to over published, she does not have a PHD IN PSYCHOLOGY AND FOUND SOME SENTENCES REPEATABLE . ITS OKAY FOR THE LIGHT READER . BUT ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE. SURE IT WILL HELP PEOPLE IN SIMULATIVE CIRCUMSTANCES. ONLY GOT A LITTLE OUT OF IT MYSELF. SORRY....
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