The Sociopath Next Door

By: Martha Stout

Narrated by: Shelly Frasier

Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins

Publisher's summary

We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people, one in 25, has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in 25 everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They're more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others' suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.

The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know, someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for, is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.

It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.

©2005 Martha Stout (P)2005 Tantor Media, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Stout is a good writer and her exploration of sociopaths can be arresting." (Publishers Weekly)
"A remarkable philosophical examination of the phenomenon of sociopathy and its everyday manifestations....Stout's portraits make a striking impact and readers with unpleasant neighbors or colleagues may find themselves paying close attention to her sociopathic-behavior checklist and suggested coping strategies. Deeply thought-provoking and unexpectedly lyrical." (Kirkus)

One of the best books I have ever read!

I have never read nonfiction but the description of this one piqued my interest so I took a chance and bought it. The author is a psychologist and she may have missed her calling as a writer. She takes her subject matter and writes it so it feels like you and she are sitting down to have a glass of ice tea in her living room and she is just telling you something interesting about her work. Her description of the sociopath is chilling and you learn something while being entertained. She illustrates by giving examples of people who are sociopaths explaining that they are composites of people. I will have to give this one another listen as there was so much information to take in I need to hear it one more time. I will never look at someone who is consistently acting as though they are the only person in the world again!

Engaging but chilling

Would you listen to The Sociopath Next Door again? Why?

Yes. Lots of Information, well written and delivered, nice interweaving of theory and case studies, as well as recommendations for dealing with sociopaths. A bit chilling to be aware of the prevalence of this disorder.

What other book might you compare The Sociopath Next Door to and why?

Quiet. Similar use of case studies and stories, theory, and recommendations if the reader is an introvert or has a child who is an introvert.

What does Shelly Frasier bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Nice delivery, use of tone and cadence is easy to follow.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes.

Very well done - informative

Excellent book full of enlightening information. Not a mere story, but an interesting academic revelation of the nature of strange behaviors of some of those around us.

This is a must read book

I don’t remember how i got this book, but i am sure glad that i did. Even before i finished the book i began seeing different people that i know of that might be sociopaths. Very interesting and helpful.

Good analysis through a left leaning filter

I found the book very interesting and agree with the statement that there are those individuals completely lacking in empathy for others. I believe that her advice on acknowledging the existence of such individuals and recognizing them is outstanding and well worth the time spent reading this book.

The author though is a very empathic individual, possibly to the point of not being able to accept the existence of the existence of those with selective empathy. She does cite Col Grossman's book On Killing which talks about the innate aversion to killing most soldiers experience and she talks some about the dehumanizing effects of training and effects of leadership in getting people to overcome the aversion. She does not cite, nor could not as it hadn't been printed yet, Grossman's additional work in On Combat which discuses the physiological and psychological impacts of violence, as well as how to prepare for them. Most disturbingly she paints those who serve as snipers and others in the military at the extreme edge of conflict, those who elect for the most dangerous duties which are most likely to involve killing as sociopaths. That is categorical wrong.

There are certainly sociopaths located at the sharpest end of conflict. I would wager there are more of them than there are elsewhere but just like the analysis of sociopaths in prison showed a higher number incarcerated as a percentage of the overall population they themselves are nowhere near a majority in incarceration. There are individuals in this world with the ability to rationalize the good and bad. Those who can feel enormous empathy for those close to themselves or even for those innocents they encounter yet have no deeper connection to but immediately can disconnect themselves from any guilt associated with what must be done to those whom they classify as the enemy.

I am by training and profession an engineer. As a group we routinely test as rational logic based thinkers for whom emotion has little bearing on our decisions. That does not mean we do not love or empathize with others, it means that we believe the best way to be of real assistance is through rational deduction. If anything I look at the emotional factors driving others and use that as part of my negotiation strategy in order to arrive a the desired end goal. You must break some eggs to make the omelette. I had that view in place as a teen and it has only reinforced with time. In my early 20s I legally carried a concealed weapon in FL while delivering pizza in college. As a part of that I studied the writings of people like Masaad Ayoob on the lawful and moral use of deadly force. I knew what conditions I would and would not use deadly force in and knew what I would do to avoid the need to utilize that force without endangering myself. Twice I found myself at the very edge of such a moment. Once was an attempted carjacking where the attacker was met with a drawn weapon. I knew exactly what I would do if his next action brought a weapon into view as he attempted to force his way into my vehicle and I say with complete confidence that I would have felt no guilt or remorse had he forced me to shoot him. He chose the evil path, not I. He chose to run and I let him. Likewise a huge deranged biker during Bike Week in Daytona Beach threatening to pull me through the window of my car and beat me in the street. I begged for forgiveness for what was his own stupidity, shed crocodile tears of fear, and did everything to assuage his ego as he postured for his friends and threatened my person. The whole time my handgun was held low and out of site pointing straight at his gut through the car door. If he grabbed me I would have fired and continued to fire until the threat was gone. Instead he turned and went back to his friends laughing and high fiving over having terrified the little college kid pizza driver.

In both cases I was completely calm and rational during the incident, although I feigned fear in the second case. In both cases I shook like a leaf and fought to keep from vomiting afterwards as the adrenaline dump hit. In both cases I was absolutely confident and am so to this day that I would have felt no remorse had they chosen the wrong path and I killed them.

Because I feel no guilt over my complete willingness to end their lives am I a sociopath? Because I elected to carry that gun legally out of concern such situations may arise and having decided in advance I would be willing to take a life am I a sociopath? I do not believe so. Likewise it is the height of academia hubris to throw that title onto those who have made the moral decision to defend the lives of the innocent and their fellow soldiers. I know this, while I would have killed then and would still do now to protect innocent life I believe I posses enormous empathy for those deserving of it. At my daughter's sweet sixteen party two weeks ago tears came to my eyes as I danced with her, when my father passed at 59, having worked construction his whole life and been robbed of the opportunity to enjoy retirement in three short years I cried at the injustice of it for him and my newborn child who would never know him. I can't listen to Les Miserables without tears coming to my eyes at many points as I feel the pain and emotion being sung by the characters giving their child away as death takes them or pining for an unrequited love.

I am not a sociopath. Neither am I a slave to emotion or empathy. This book all to easily creates only two categories. There are sociopaths and then there are those who are consumed by empathy and whom all should emulate. That works nice in utopia but the truth is the world needs those who can set empathy aside when needed.

There are sheep, there are wolves and there are sheepdogs. The author fails to recognize the last group.

Broad text on sociopathy.

Sound more like a college text book. I thought this would show more case histories than theory.
It's interesting if you are a student of sociology perhaps.

Interesting book.

A good insight into the mind of a sociopath and ways of dealing with them or just understanding how they think.

great book

the book started and I could not stop listening to it! great narration and examples.

Eye opening information!

Quite frankly, I think the statistics in the book are conservative. I have worked with sociopaths, dated sociopaths and even married one. I think there's more ot there than we think.

You need to know this information.

Where does The Sociopath Next Door rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This book is not fun to read. Too many people in this world fit into the category of sociopath.