Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me)

Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and Hurtful Acts

By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson

Narrated by: Marsha Mercant, Joe Barrett

Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins

Publisher's summary

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell? Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception - how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.

©2008 Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson (P)2010 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Thanks, in part, to the scientific evidence it provides and the charm of its down-to-earth, commonsensical tone, Mistakes Were Made is convincing. Reading it, we recognize the behavior of our leaders, our loved ones, and—if we're honest—ourselves, and some of the more perplexing mysteries of human nature begin to seem a little clearer." (Francine Prose, O, The Oprah Magazine)

"By turns entertaining, illuminating and—when you recognize yourself in the stories it tells—mortifying." ( The Wall Street Journal)

I enjoyed this book

The information was great to learn. I really liked the examples were right on. This book left me thinking and taking notice of my decisions.

Wow!! An amazing book!

This book gave me a whole new perspective on life & mistakes. This book was recommended to me & I am so grateful. Listening to it has been so healing & freeing. I hope you get the same out this book as I did.

Blew my expectations out of the water

I bought this book a long time ago as part of a sale, out of guilt. I know I have a really hard time admitting when I'm wrong, and hoped this book would help me get better at it. As you might imagine, this didn't make it seem like a fun read, so it was probably over a year before I listened to it.

It was NOT what I expected. Based on the title and the cover, I thought it would be a very self-involved therapy type book that might or might not be useful. It turned out to be a big picture, scientifically rigorous examination of confirmation bias and the devastating effect it has in every field ranging from medicine to law to war to personal relationships. I wish they'd make it mandatory reading for everyone in law enforcement, law, government, medicine, and social work. That said, I think everyone can benefit from reading it. Although I personally hope I'm never interrogated by the police, after listening to this book I think I'm a lot less likely to screw up if I am.

In the end, I think it could benefit from a little more "What can I personally do to make sure I catch myself when I'm falling prey to confirmation bias?" And "How can I get someone else stuck in confirmation bias to wake up?" The impression I got, though, was that science hasn't quite figured this out yet. I really hope they come out with an expanded, updated edition a few years from now. In the meantime, I'll recommend this version to everyone I know.

I do hope they change the cover & font to reflect the professionalism of the contents better. I'd hate to think other people are making the same mistake I did and judging the book by its cover.

great nonfiction

I enjoyed this nonfiction book that had sighted scientific research and also had anecdotal stories to illustrate the idea of cognitive dissonance and how it affects people.

makes you stop and think

about your own actions and beliefs. lot of meaningful examples. actors are easy to listen to.

This book is a very useful book.

As a normal human being I have the bad habit of not really recognizing my mistakes, and being able to see the psychological approach that this book provides to us really helps me to be a better person. It definitely made me realize that I'm much more of a bigger person owning my mistake and publicly apologizing if necessary.

Heavy on anecdotes and stories

Well done if you want an easy read, and the stories are well told. If you read a lot of books in this general style though, it may feel like a lot of storytelling in order to support four or five ideas. Closer to Adam Grant than Daniel Kahneman (both fine… just depends what you’re looking for).

Overdose on Dissonance theory

This book is a great add-on to the Arbinger Institute's best seller Leadership & Self-deception. So many great real life examples of Self-deception and self justification.

Everyone makes mistakes

The title of the book gives the impression that it's a self-help book. It's more of a psychology book explaining how people can make mistakes, think they are right, and honestly believe that. A good example is false memories. How often have you said, "I could have sworn I did that." You see the event in your head, yet evidence shows it didn't happen. You rationalize it ("someone must have moved it") instead of accept the most obvious answer ("I was mistaken in thinking that I did it").

The books goes even further into big mistakes that people make and refuse to admit, such as in the criminal system where suspects are locked away for years ("I know he's the rapist so I'll interrogate him for hours until he finally confesses") until DNA finally proves their innocence. Fortunately for most people, they are not making mistakes that means life and death. The book contains many extreme examples. Still, this is great book to read to understand and recognize your own mistakes. For example, maybe a friend asked for a favor and you said no. Initially you felt a little guilty for saying no. Then you start justifying the answer, "She wouldn't have helped me if I had asked for a favor. She's always looking for someone to do her work." So that guilty feeling goes away. It's a rude awakening to realize how your feelings have completely changed -- you went from feeling a little guilty to thinking your friend is selfish and lazy.

An insightful, if sometimes uncomfortable, read.

As you progress through the book you will begin to recognize and understand some of the more difficult to fathom behaviors in others and ourselves.