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I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality | [Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus]

I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next. For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But with this classic guide, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.
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Publisher's Summary

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, then despairing and depressed the next. There are an estimated 18 million sufferers of BPD living in America today - each displaying remarkably similar symptoms:

  • A shaky sense of identity
  • Sudden outbursts of anger
  • Oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
  • Brief, turbulent love affairs
  • Intense feelings of emptiness
  • Eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
  • An irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone

For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But with this classic guide, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.

This completely revised and updated edition includes information on the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder - as well as the connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, and eating disorders - making it a vital reference for understanding and living with BPD.

©2012 Jerold J. Kreisman (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

What the Critics Say

“This book belongs on the bookshelf of patients, their friends and family, and for all those who help in their healing.” (Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.0 (107 )
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Performance
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  •  
    LCKW 05-01-12
    LCKW 05-01-12
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Not valuable to the person dealing with BPD."
    What would have made I Hate You - Don't Leave Me better?

    This book is not for the family member or friend learning how to deal with someone with BPD. There were a handful of chapters with case studies of individuals with BPD. There were a handful of chapters about treatment, pharmacological and therapeutic methods. It dives into the trauma associated with BPD which is not really a surprise given the myriad of other disorders one could form from childhood trauma, this is just one of them.
    There was not one chapter on learning how to deal with the BPD's tantrums. The only information included was what the spouses were doing wrong when faced with drama; not what you can do right or make things easier on yourself.
    This book is probably very enlightening for the person with BPD. But is was a bit decieving in its title and synopsis of how to deal with one.
    Don't buy this book if you do not have BPD.


    8 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Michelle Mint Hill, NC, United States 09-26-13
    Michelle Mint Hill, NC, United States 09-26-13 Member Since 2014
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    "Technical, clearly defines DSM explanation of BPD"
    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    This book was a little too technical for me and maybe it would serve me to get a written version. It does a great job explaining the disorder and its extremes. It's definitely not a "light" read (listen)


    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    A 01-19-15
    A 01-19-15

    jeangarydiablo

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very technical and little advice"

    as other's have mentioned this book seems more for the psychologists not familiar with BPD. Although there are a few helpful tips on dealing with BPD I can't recommend this book. You can find better advice online.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Susan 01-17-15
    Susan 01-17-15 Member Since 2014
    ratings
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    "Basic outline of BPD, lots of you'll never be OK"
    Is there anything you would change about this book?

    Hello all, I bought this book at the behest of a friend that has BPD... I leaned that according to the book I to had it up un till very recently so, here we go...

    This book does give you a good out line of symptoms and a bunch of "we think" this is the problem, but it also repeats several times that you (basically) can never get better and you will always have to be treated and all that jazz, but I know this to be untrue from a first person perspective... Also VERY VERY MONO TONE on the part of the speaker. I mean if you want to know what the symptoms are things like that then pick it up, if you want hope for you or anyone else with BPD leave it alone...


    What could Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    To much to list...


    How could the performance have been better?

    less Mono tone through the whole book, more "actionable" this is how U become healed, but that doesn't make the Drug Company money so...


    Did I Hate You - Don't Leave Me inspire you to do anything?

    yes WARN people of it and have me try to steer people away from it...


    Any additional comments?

    This book is a book of excuses, of reasons to quit, of this is why I can't get healed/ better and I shouldn't even try... this is the way my friend with BPD was for a very long time, he's starting to get better, but not thanks to this book...

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    therese90 01-12-15
    therese90 01-12-15
    ratings
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    8
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    Story
    "I Don't Really Hate You - So Learn More About BPD"
    Is there anything you would change about this book?

    It was a good auidiobook and keep in mind this is 1 perspective. This illness needs much further study and a new name that carries less stigma! On the Borderline of... total craziness? This book gives a good basic summary of what a person who has this illness might have struggles with on a daily basis.


    What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

    The best is that this is a broad view on this illness and covers a good amount of information for someone who has little knowledge of this complicated illness. The author mentions stigma, but then like many doctors and nurses, etc, calls those who suffer, "Borderliners" or "Borderlines." Sorry, but I don't think anyone wants to be called a cancer or canker or other "names and labels."

    People who suffer with an illness or suffers from - BPD is appropriate. You are NOT your illness. And like in the old days, they diagnosed women who suffer with mental illness - Hysteria, and now we actually have scientific names for specific illnesses like Post Partum Depression, or Bipolar I and II. I hope that one day the DSM has a better name for Borderline Personality Disorder. Sounds terrifying to say the least. Who would want to admit they have THAT!

    This book is a good start, and much more info is being looked into thankfully as time goes by.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    More specific would be a chapter or topic. I like that the author identifies movies that have suggested a character had this illness. "I am dancing as fast as I can," "Memento," "Who is afraid of Virginia Woolf." I watched "Dancing as fast as I can." I could really relate to the character in that movie. It was odd seeing Joe Pesce out of his usual roles in this movie and I call her, "the mom from Footloose," Diane Weist!


    Did I Hate You - Don't Leave Me inspire you to do anything?

    I had to look into this book because so many others I talk to who are care providers or patients mention this book and it is highly rated. I think this book is really informational in a general sense. Much more research needs to be done with this illness, but it is a good read for those who don't understand Borderline Personality Disorder and keep in mind this is 1 perspective.


    Any additional comments?

    More books on this topic! More RESEARCH and more Funding $$$, Less STIGMA and less horror films with preconceived ideas that women, and YES, men who suffer with this illness are out to get you! These are very sensitive people with emotional scarring - not a bunch of criminals or killers. Compassion!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Los Angeles 01-03-15
    Amazon Customer Los Angeles 01-03-15 Member Since 2014

    CMKx

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    "the devil you know is to know yourself."

    I enjoyed the audio version the most, it helped me to learn more about personality traits in people. I would suggest that this book for those that are like myself are on the road to self discovery.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    randy 12-28-14
    randy 12-28-14 Member Since 2014
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    "great book"
    If you could sum up I Hate You - Don't Leave Me in three words, what would they be?

    Insightful
    Clinical
    Helpful


    Any additional comments?

    This is a great book for anyone who has a loved one who struggles with BPD. This book seems to target an analytical mind but is also very helpful to a layman person. The book is so packed full of useful tools to use I had to read it twice. In fact I found some of it so helpful I wrote it down so I could memorize and reflect back at my leisure. Just a great overall book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rebecca 09-06-14
    Rebecca 09-06-14

    annonymous

    ratings
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    24
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    "Not Written for the Layperson"
    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    Skip chapters one and two. Even then, this book is written more for the psychological professional than for the general public. If not careful, the reader could take away the mistaken impression that the majority of people are likely to develop BPD.


    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Laura San Jose, CA, United States 02-07-13
    Laura San Jose, CA, United States 02-07-13 Member Since 2012
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    "Informational but, not helpful"
    What disappointed you about I Hate You - Don't Leave Me?

    This book was recommended to my husband and I. After discussing all of the drama that we deal with, with his ex wife and her irrational behavior a therapist friend said that this book had a chapter that might enlighten us on communicating with her more effectively. The only thing that I learned from this book was God help you if you are or were married to someone with BPD. Double whamo if you had kids with them. If you can avoid persons suffering from this by any means possible. If you are a sufferer. Wow...I am sorry. After reading this I think it is likely that his ex does have BPD. Maybe, the only thing I can take from this book is changing my expectations for her behavior. However, the narrator of this book was great. I enjoyed listening to him. He was clear and the listen went pretty quickly.


    What could Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    I am not sure.


    1 of 9 people found this review helpful
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