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Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers | [Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté]

Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

Like countless other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggests, lies in attachment: Children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon "peer orientation", which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction.
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Publisher's Summary

Like countless other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggests, lies in attachment: Children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon "peer orientation", which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong; for values, identity, and codes of behaviour.

This peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for school-yard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta; and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions, none of which are impossible or even costly to undertake.

Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles, and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to parent and satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards them for their source of authority, contact, and warmth.

Daniel Maté’s warm and sensitive narration, gift with dialogue, and engagement with the authors writing make this an enjoyable and informative listen.

©2005 Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté (P)2012 Post Hypnotic Press, Inc.

What Members Say

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    Cweth Chase, BC, Canada 07-10-12
    Cweth Chase, BC, Canada 07-10-12 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Great book for every parent!"
    What did you love best about Hold On to Your Kids?

    the fact that expressing your parental love to your child is billed as the most important act of parenting. We have always believed and lived by that, but this book gave new and exciting insight that I believe will be immensely helpful.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    n/a


    What about Daniel Mat?????s performance did you like?

    He read it well, and gave appropriate intonation to express the meaning.


    What???s an idea from the book that you will remember?

    well, the main concept of maintaining strong bonds with your children, but a quote from Neitsche(possibly someon else) about the person most likely to lie is the person most likely to be injured by the reality. Something along those lines, and it made me thankful that my wife and I have raised our son in a world where reality isn't out to get him: That we've raised a son whose lies we can accurately count, because he always admitted it in the next sentence.


    Any additional comments?

    read it! Seriously! Your family, and possibly the future of humanity, will never regret your choice to embrace your children!

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
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  • Andrea Woloschin
    Adelaide, Australia
    12/24/12
    Overall
    "It inspired me to be a better mum"

    This book marked a turning point in my life. I come from a latin-american background, where part of the culture is the imposition of ideas to our kids, we don't give them much space for developing their decision making process and diminish their own ideas or right to chose by not asking, just imposing.



    We also tend to speak in a loud voice, and I personally got to the point of shouting at my 7 year old son every time something was not according to my point of view or desire.



    This book taught me how important it is to show them respect, not only by listening, but also, by not imposing / forcing our kids to accept one idea as true. It also provided me with a number of tools for collecting, communicating, connecting and spending true time together.



    I even decided to drop the number of working days, so that I could spend one school day taking him to school, bringing him to have lunch at home (I'm the only mum in the whole school doing this!) and really enjoying our life together, despite the tiredness, routine and troubles of life.



    Hold on to Your Kids; the most motivating and awakening book I've ever read (or heard for the case). Thank you Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, I hope it moves many more parents, helping the world to be a better place, as it helped me to make my home a better place.



    Sofia

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
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