Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.
Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
©2010 Amir Levine, M.D., Rachel Heller, M.A. (P)2010 Gildan Media Corp
I wanted to like this book and kept waiting for a discussion on a relationship combination of two Anxious attachment styles. It never came as the book only assumes you are in either of the following styles: 1) secure-anxious 2) anxious-avoidant.
It was pointed out that avoidant-avoidants aren't likely to be together long. Fair enough. And obviously secure-secure types wouldn't need this book. So I was really surprised the authors left this combination altogether out.
It was helpful however to take the strategies from chapter 12 into account for dealing with our own insecure styles.
explains how childhood experiences affect adult relationships and how to recognize the pattern of responsiveness your spouse has based on their childhood experiences
This book clarified so much for me: why certain relationships haven't worked, why some were constructive, how to recognize what I need in a relationship, and how to recognize the kind of partner that will provide what I need in order to feel fulfilled in a relationship, and how to give my partner what he needs too. Also gives effective tools fir conflict for each type of person. So constructive. Most helpful book I have ever read.
The book is based on the idea of three types of attachment styles in relationships, secure, avoidant and anxious. A few case studies are described which helps clarify. I would still like to know in those stories what happened next?
For example, in one relationship between an insulting man and an apologetic woman, after they split up she met someone new and lived happily ever after. I would like to know about that happily ever after.
Suggestion also was that 2 avoidant type personalities could be ok together, though less fulfilled. I wonder if a couple find themselves going in separate directions, wouldn't one of them sooner or later meet someone who has a greater alignment of interests?
good, with a few caveats.
Yes I listened. Yes it will help me respect and Love myself and be true to who I am from now on! I am no longer afraid to lose the person I call my soulmate now. I realize that maybe they(a moderate AVOIDANCE) are incapable of meeting MY -NO LONGER ashamed of- needs. I can have what I desire and if I don't find my true love someday, at least I won't waist time in a Dead-IN relationship.
I have been fighting my True self all my life. I always said, "I don't need anyone. I can do Everything on my own. As if there was something wrong with my natural tendency to have companionship. Now I will celebrate who I am and know that there isn't anything wrong with me. I am a changed woman. I know it will take practice and a possible re-listen but, I am so thankful for this book. Now if only I can get my "other half" to listen.
This book has made such an impact on my life, I am buying 2 more copies. One for a girlfriend and the other for my mate. Thank you!
I am completely deep in though about every relationship in my life. Having breakthroughs and aha's left and right. Worth it! So worth it, if you want to be in an intimate relationship get this book, it is a big to the puzzle.
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