Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.
Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
©2010 Amir Levine, M.D., Rachel Heller, M.A. (P)2010 Gildan Media Corp
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and plan on listening to it several times over. It is well written and well read with real life stories to help the reader apply the theory to their life. I especially liked the chapter on how to identify your own attachment type and that of your partner. As a predominantly Anxious attachment type, who is currently dating an Avoidant type, it was reassuring to learn that I am not crazy and while I may need to learn more effective ways of communicating, what I want in a relationship is not unreasonable and is attainable. This book has given me hope of finding the kind of open supportive secure relationship I want and a practical means to finding it.
Observations in the book are valid. Good and accessible explanation of the theory. relatable stories. I challenge the theory itself and feel it is an oversimplification that does not account for the reasons people have plasticity in attachment. The book does not discuss intrinsic motivation to move from one style to another. Most of the focus is on anxious attachment and if your insecurities are of this type, read this book. If they're of the avoidant type, you'll find some material lacking. secure attachment is observed as the most functional (as expected) and an interesting challenge on co-dependence is made in Chapter 2. I enjoyed the reading but challenge the conclusions.
Top 10 self help books
Truth, analytics and thoughtfulness of the authors
His performance was satisfactory
all of it
Know Thy Self.. OK, that's not three words, but you get the point. This book basically categorizes different attachment styles, helps you identify which one you are, and gives you guidelines for dating and relating. Most adults already have a clue that they have issues, but can't figure out what they are or why they have them. This book is a very good start.
Not Really, but the information is invaluable.
Society tends to make those of us who haven't settled down with that someone special by a certain age believe there's something wrong with us. While we know that can't be true (judging from the divorce stats people clearly aren't choosing the right one).This book actually helps you identify your love style and gives you tips on how to make it work so that you find that special someone. No it won't tell you how to deal with your baggage, slew of exes and baby mamas/papas, but it just might help you figure out why the one you were into wasn't that into you and give you some REAL Rules for dating instead of racking your brain trying to play hard to get, be unavailable, and thinking like a man.
This unlocked a huge key for me as to why my relationships have been so difficult. I'm so excited to use the information I learned going forward.
i enjoyed the book. it was simple to understand and offers great examples to illustrate the concepts. most books don't give examples, they just expect you to get it right away on your own. the examples made it easier to understand.
This book has been more useful in illuminating my relationship patterns and why I've kept repeating them than any other I've listened to. This information has helped me to let go of feelings of unworthiness and given me actual tools to work with - I'd say not just in romantic but all of my relationships. Highly recommended if you have what the authors call an anxious attachment style (and my guess is that many people who seek this kind of information do).
"Online Dating? READ THIS BOOK FIRST!"
I read this book a few weeks into online dating on the best known online dating web site - which heavily advertises on TV. I had a spectacular number of unsuccessful dates and started to doubt myself. It was starting to really affect my confidence and my own attachment style was becoming more insecure. After I read this book I gained considerable insight into my dates Adult attachment styles which meant they weren't right for me anyway. When I finally met a partner I was mad about, I could explain to her how our different styles could compliment each other and develop interactions that would strengthen our relationship. I also found myself giving people some very sound advice based entirely on this book and my own observations. Thus book examines the considerable research into Adult attachment and also gives some very sound advice and strategies to strengthen relationships and avoid the relationships that would be wrong for you. I heartily recommend it as one of the best self help/psychology I have read in the last 18 months.
This is a must for everyone in a relationship or about to enter a relationship. We should be thinking about the issues raised, when choosing a partner. The contents of this book are based on sound Attachment Theory and research. Everyone will recognise themselves and significant others. I'm a counsellor and it has been very helpful in understanding relationship difficulties. Excellent
P.S. Why are there so few reviews on Audible. Amazon has loads of reviews of books and I find it very helpful
"Life changing! Loved every chapter"
The book is an absolutely eye opener! Very rare find and I am certainly going to go back and listen to it again times and times over. Recommended!
"Everyone should read this!!!"
What is explained in this book, awareness of our attachment styles and our emotional needs - and that we are RIGHT to have them -, is so fundamental that it should be taught at school to teenagers! It should be made into a TV series so that everyone can be aware of and make use of this knowledge every day!
Amazing!!! AND scientifically based: How come it's not out there everywhere for everyone to learn about???
"Great for understanding relationships"
Very easy to listen and understand. A great book for finding out what relationship type you or your partner is to better your relationship for the future.
"Literally life changing "
I knew bits about attachment in children from my work but this has helped me to understand so much more about myself and others in terms of the particular things that go wrong when matched with someone of a different and somewhat conflicting attachment style.
Great book. Easy to listen to and easy to understand with loads of practical examples which help to put the theory into practice.
I think this is an excellent book, carefully researched. It is brutal at times as you can see patterns in yourself you may of not wanted to see, but will also heal a lot of worries you may of had. Like all books its not gospel and I think they leave a lot out about trusting your heart. Its more of a tick list of what to watch out for when in a relationship or dating, which is really useful, but putting people into 3 categories of what people are like is quite impossible.
I think this is a great book to build foundations for when you need to get back out on the dating circuit or that you can't understand why your relationship isn't working.
I have already given this book to 5 people help clear the fog of worrying its something to do with them.
This audio Provides a Very interesting insight into adult relationship dynamics. Highly recommend. Well worth a listen.
"Not suitable as an audio book"
The book clearly contains questionnaires and these don't translate well to the audio book format. To use them you'd have to have a pen while listening. I listen to audio books doing other things and this just isn't practical. Ignoring them left me bored and simultaneously feeling like I'd missed important insight.
My view is this is not a suitable book for the audible format. Buy the written version instead.
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