Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.
Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
©2010 Amir Levine, M.D., Rachel Heller, M.A. (P)2010 Gildan Media Corp
Is it just me?
There was some really great information in here, hence the four stars. It was eye opening and the research on adult attachment is definitely worth investigating. I was a little disappointed that there wasn't a greater elaboration on the "rarist" of us, those like me who are a combination of the two most screwed up emotional wrecks. There was a generic "sorry, you're in bad shape...try to apply everything we say about the two types." Not great. Sure, it may be just a 5% (maybe it was slightly lower, but I don't recall) but 5% or even 1% of the population is a LOT of us. And those of us who are craziest are most likely to be seeking out books like this to read! So, I would suggest that the rare combination of the two are WAY over-represented in the readership. Just sayin...
This book was a good intro to the subject. But at some point, I began to feel like I was being talked down to like a child. Repetitive info. This is a great book if you dropped out of community college about halfway through your degree in automotive repair, and never took any psychology courses. However, if you have any exposure to psychology at all, the first half of this book is great but then move on to something more insightful.
I am giving it 4 because I am trying to be positive. It probably gets slightly over a 3 to me, but I chose to round up.
Loved this book. It takes the blame or shame away from needing a certain type of love or attachment. And it helps identify how people need and react to attachment.
Yes and I will revisit it again.
Book nerd for life!
A very good book about the insight of relationships. Top 10%.
I don't remember the names, but one woman left her long time boyfriend after having enough of their emotionally abusive relationship. She went on to marry someone who was secure. Her story stuck out because of how much she went through and how long she stayed, but she was still able to find true love.
What a brilliant analysis on romatic relationships. This can save you hundreds in 'relationship' counselling fees. I fully recommend it.
I tought the book was pretty good. However, I could see this book causing many people to believe they have irreconsilable differences and should divorce their spouse. There are tips for getting over some of the bad attachment matches, but it seems really focused on avoiding those match ups.
He also really favors the insecure attachment style. IE - if your spouse is insecure - it is up to you to make them secure. This is oversimplified thinking and puts a ton of pressure on the other person.
I am so mad at this writer for not writing this book along time ago. My life would have turned out alot different had I had this simple practicle advice. The concepts are so simple an easy to apply to your life that you will be amazed. Also, listening to the stories were like you were describing my relationship to a tee. I thought my situation with my partner was unique, yet I discovered that his ways of dealing in a relationship is as common as a snowy day in Minnesota. If you haven't guessed my ex is an Avoidant attachment style and I am anxious. I have been on a rollercoaster ride with him for 5 years. Now, I finally have the courage to get off. Thank you Amir Levine.
The book describes the attachment system of adults. It also briefly describes the attachment system of children. According to attachment theory there are three attachment styles: "anxious", "avoidant" and "secure". The book describes how people with these attachment styles behave. It includes tests, which can help readers to recognize their own attachment style. The book includes a lot of examples of different situations and authors describe secure and insecure ways to deal with such situations in relationships. It was really an interesting reading. And the book looks scientifically.
A more up beat narration.
Again, the narration was so boring and slow, I could hardly stand it.
I do not know where the authors derived their research, but the entire book just seemed like it was sloppily pasted together. Furthermore, the narration was EXTREMLY unpleasant. Years ago, the comics Bob & Ray did a skit entitled, “Slow Talkers of America.” I believe the narrator was a key member of that association. Just awful.
A very interesting approach to relationships. This has added another interesting tool to both my own relationships tool belt and to the way I look at Relationships in my coaching practice. I've also been able to view my own shift to a secure attachment style, and see what communication elements are at work. I also gained an understanding of our attachment system which is another useful thing to understand. It has particularly helped with those relationships where the one is always fretting and the other distancing, and to understand what attracts them. Needed to get a hard copy as the audiobook gets tough when trying to describe a chart you'll be filling out.
Wow, what a great book! Made me better understand myself and others, and see beyond the stories we tell ourselves and others; and communicate more effectively. Thank you!
This book has been more useful in illuminating my relationship patterns and why I've kept repeating them than any other I've listened to. This information has helped me to let go of feelings of unworthiness and given me actual tools to work with - I'd say not just in romantic but all of my relationships. Highly recommended if you have what the authors call an anxious attachment style (and my guess is that many people who seek this kind of information do).
"Online Dating? READ THIS BOOK FIRST!"
I read this book a few weeks into online dating on the best known online dating web site - which heavily advertises on TV. I had a spectacular number of unsuccessful dates and started to doubt myself. It was starting to really affect my confidence and my own attachment style was becoming more insecure. After I read this book I gained considerable insight into my dates Adult attachment styles which meant they weren't right for me anyway. When I finally met a partner I was mad about, I could explain to her how our different styles could compliment each other and develop interactions that would strengthen our relationship. I also found myself giving people some very sound advice based entirely on this book and my own observations. Thus book examines the considerable research into Adult attachment and also gives some very sound advice and strategies to strengthen relationships and avoid the relationships that would be wrong for you. I heartily recommend it as one of the best self help/psychology I have read in the last 18 months.
"Everyone should read this!!!"
What is explained in this book, awareness of our attachment styles and our emotional needs - and that we are RIGHT to have them -, is so fundamental that it should be taught at school to teenagers! It should be made into a TV series so that everyone can be aware of and make use of this knowledge every day!
Amazing!!! AND scientifically based: How come it's not out there everywhere for everyone to learn about???
"A wonderful, life challenging listen"
I very much enjoyed listening to this audio book, and I will definitely listen to it more than once. The science that is expanded was new to me and was so pertinent and held so many practical applications that I almost feel this content should be part of the curriculum for every teenager... I certainly have to wonder how many struggling relationships could have been saved if the individuals concerned had known these truths at their beginning. I am in a young relationship with someone who I want to have longevity with, and am so pleased to have stumbled across this book. It explains so much about how people with differing attachment styles relate and why the differences will always cause friction if they are not understood and accommodated.
I enjoyed the lovely narration too and felt that it really suited the material being presented.
I'd like to thank Amir and Rachel for taking the time to research and write this material which I have found hugely impactful on my own life and relationships.
"Explains a lot!!"
A must read for everyone who wants to have successful relationships! It explains previous problems I have experienced. A great resource for therapists and individuals who wish to gain a greater understanding of adult attachment issues.
Very clearly written, I have much more awareness now of attachment styles and my own patterns of behaviour. Have recommended this book to several friends who struggle to hold down a relationship, a must read for anyone wanting to improve their communication and attachments within their relationships.
"An excellent read for romantic relationships"
This book is easy to listen to and it makes perfect sense. Not only does it explain why hardships arise in relationships, but it also offers advice on what to do. This is a must read for anyone in a relationship or about to start one. It also helps you achieve closure in relationships that have ended.
I would recommend this book to everyone I know.
I liked the way the narration was because the voice and intonation was very soft and powerful.
I did. I reflected a lot while reading it.
For everyone who works with people, this book is a must read!
This is a must for everyone in a relationship or about to enter a relationship. We should be thinking about the issues raised, when choosing a partner. The contents of this book are based on sound Attachment Theory and research. Everyone will recognise themselves and significant others. I'm a counsellor and it has been very helpful in understanding relationship difficulties. Excellent
P.S. Why are there so few reviews on Audible. Amazon has loads of reviews of books and I find it very helpful
"Astoundingly accurate - deserves more than 5 stars"
Astoundingly accurate in predicting and explaining relationship behaviour, informative and extremely helpful. Describes the 3 attachment styles, explains how to determine your own style and how to understand and cope in relationships with people of each style.
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