Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.
Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
©2010 Amir Levine, M.D., Rachel Heller, M.A. (P)2010 Gildan Media Corp
Levine and Heller apply attachment theory and the related research appearing over the past decade to romantic relationships. They provide instruments to help individuals determine their attachment styles, relate the characteristics of those styles, outline how persons with different styles relate to their relationships, and make suggestions for how we might better communicate our needs in each situation. Many illustrations are provided that are helpful. The book is well narrated by Walter Dixon.
Loved this book. It takes the blame or shame away from needing a certain type of love or attachment. And it helps identify how people need and react to attachment.
Yes and I will revisit it again.
What a brilliant analysis on romatic relationships. This can save you hundreds in 'relationship' counselling fees. I fully recommend it.
Hey Hey Hey
There was some really great information in here, hence the four stars. It was eye opening and the research on adult attachment is definitely worth investigating. I was a little disappointed that there wasn't a greater elaboration on the "rarist" of us, those like me who are a combination of the two most screwed up emotional wrecks. There was a generic "sorry, you're in bad shape...try to apply everything we say about the two types." Not great. Sure, it may be just a 5% (maybe it was slightly lower, but I don't recall) but 5% or even 1% of the population is a LOT of us. And those of us who are craziest are most likely to be seeking out books like this to read! So, I would suggest that the rare combination of the two are WAY over-represented in the readership. Just sayin...
This book was a good intro to the subject. But at some point, I began to feel like I was being talked down to like a child. Repetitive info. This is a great book if you dropped out of community college about halfway through your degree in automotive repair, and never took any psychology courses. However, if you have any exposure to psychology at all, the first half of this book is great but then move on to something more insightful.
I am giving it 4 because I am trying to be positive. It probably gets slightly over a 3 to me, but I chose to round up.
A very interesting approach to relationships. This has added another interesting tool to both my own relationships tool belt and to the way I look at Relationships in my coaching practice. I've also been able to view my own shift to a secure attachment style, and see what communication elements are at work. I also gained an understanding of our attachment system which is another useful thing to understand. It has particularly helped with those relationships where the one is always fretting and the other distancing, and to understand what attracts them. Needed to get a hard copy as the audiobook gets tough when trying to describe a chart you'll be filling out.
Yes, this book presents an accurate explanation of the three main attachment styles and how they operate in intimate relationships. The information is not dumbed-down pop psychology. While presented in an accessible manner, this book is a true scientific look at human behavior.
The book is non-fiction, so there aren't really "scenes," however, I found the information about the avoidant/anxious attachment relationship to be very powerful and meaningful.
This book caused me to take an honest look at myself and my relationships. While difficult to do, it was also empowering. I now feel as though I have the tools to communicate better and establish healthier relationships.
I recommend this book to anyone seeking to improve their relationships. While geared specifically to intimate relationships, the information is applicable to familial relationships, friendships, working relationships, etc.
I have listened to this book way more than once. It is a great layman's book about how we do relationships as adults.
It is in understandable language. It also does not only point out the issue but then gives us tools to use.
Attached gave great examples of how we can unconsciously react in relationships relative to the relationship style we adopted in childhood.
I have purchased maybe 15 or more of this book. I give it to my clients. They have all reported back that it has been a "Relationship Rosetta Stone" of sorts.
I tought the book was pretty good. However, I could see this book causing many people to believe they have irreconsilable differences and should divorce their spouse. There are tips for getting over some of the bad attachment matches, but it seems really focused on avoiding those match ups.
He also really favors the insecure attachment style. IE - if your spouse is insecure - it is up to you to make them secure. This is oversimplified thinking and puts a ton of pressure on the other person.
I am so mad at this writer for not writing this book along time ago. My life would have turned out alot different had I had this simple practicle advice. The concepts are so simple an easy to apply to your life that you will be amazed. Also, listening to the stories were like you were describing my relationship to a tee. I thought my situation with my partner was unique, yet I discovered that his ways of dealing in a relationship is as common as a snowy day in Minnesota. If you haven't guessed my ex is an Avoidant attachment style and I am anxious. I have been on a rollercoaster ride with him for 5 years. Now, I finally have the courage to get off. Thank you Amir Levine.
Greetings. My brother introduced me to Audible in 2011. Since, nothing but enjoyment. Hopefully my reviews are very useful to you. Enjoy!
It raises your awareness of your own weaknesses. Clearer understanding of who you are and just as important what traits the person you are dealing with has that can signal a red flag.
Clear voice nice to listen to. He's voice is charming and soothing.
loved every bit if this book. wish I'd read it much earlier in my lifetime to understand myself and people around me. highly recommended
I liked the examples this book gives so that you can identify relatively easily what type of person you are in your current : previous relationships.
I also like the fact the it explains how if you have an anxious or avoidant traits that this is ok, and tells you how to work on these traits to help you and your partner grow together and fix or indeed not.
You can gage from the book whether you are in a healthy relationship.
Some of the examples are a bit OTT.... Other than this it's an amazing book.
"Potentially life (and love life) changing!"
This book was very absorbing from the start and there were so many moments where I recognised behaviour types in my own life.
Has helped disappointed when it finished, need more advice and want to find out more.
Insightful with a great scientific background. It put many things into perspective giving answers to a number of previously unanswered questions.
"A wonderful, life challenging listen"
I very much enjoyed listening to this audio book, and I will definitely listen to it more than once. The science that is expanded was new to me and was so pertinent and held so many practical applications that I almost feel this content should be part of the curriculum for every teenager... I certainly have to wonder how many struggling relationships could have been saved if the individuals concerned had known these truths at their beginning. I am in a young relationship with someone who I want to have longevity with, and am so pleased to have stumbled across this book. It explains so much about how people with differing attachment styles relate and why the differences will always cause friction if they are not understood and accommodated.
I enjoyed the lovely narration too and felt that it really suited the material being presented.
I'd like to thank Amir and Rachel for taking the time to research and write this material which I have found hugely impactful on my own life and relationships.
"Explains a lot!!"
A must read for everyone who wants to have successful relationships! It explains previous problems I have experienced. A great resource for therapists and individuals who wish to gain a greater understanding of adult attachment issues.
Very clearly written, I have much more awareness now of attachment styles and my own patterns of behaviour. Have recommended this book to several friends who struggle to hold down a relationship, a must read for anyone wanting to improve their communication and attachments within their relationships.
I would recommend this book to everyone I know.
I liked the way the narration was because the voice and intonation was very soft and powerful.
I did. I reflected a lot while reading it.
For everyone who works with people, this book is a must read!
"Astoundingly accurate - deserves more than 5 stars"
Astoundingly accurate in predicting and explaining relationship behaviour, informative and extremely helpful. Describes the 3 attachment styles, explains how to determine your own style and how to understand and cope in relationships with people of each style.
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