Better Off Dead

Lily Harper, Book 1

By: H. P. Mallory

Narrated by: Betsy Hogg

Length: 9 hrs and 37 mins

Publisher's summary

From New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Urban Fantasy Romance Author, H.P. Mallory, comes The Lily Harper Series! If you like your books steamy (this is an adult fantasy romance, not for kids or teens!) and you aren’t easily offended by potty-mouthed, crass guardian angels, read on!

Better Off Dead is the first book in the Lily Harper urban fantasy series:

If there’s such a thing as luck, Lily Harper definitely doesn’t have it. Killed in a car accident before it’s her time to go, Lily learns that the hereafter isn’t exactly what she hoped it might be. First, there’s AfterLife Enterprises, the company responsible for sorting out the recently dead and sending them on their way to the Kingdom, (aka happily ever after,) or to the Underground City, (not so happily ever after.) Learning that Lily’s death was indirectly their fault (her guardian angel, Bill, was MIA during her accident and was one of their employees,) Afterlife Enterprises offers Lily the chance to live again. But, as with most things involving the afterlife, beware the fine print. Most notably, Lily will become a soul retriever, venturing into the bowels of the Underground City to retrieve souls that were mistakenly sent there by Afterlife Enterprises during a Y2K computer glitch. Second, there’s angel Bill. As if risking her second life in the Underground City wasn’t enough, Lily’s guide to the Underground is none other than her incompetent, alcoholic, womanizing guardian angel, Bill, the antithesis of anything wholesome. With only Dante’s “Inferno” and Bill to help her in her quest, Lily’s future isn’t looking bright.

Finally, there’s the legendary bladesmith, Tallis Black. As Scottish as his kilts and heavy brogue, Tallis Black is a centuries-old Celt who, for reasons only known to him, offers to train Lily and act as her escort into the depths of the Underground City. Dark, brooding and definitely dangerous, Lily knows she shouldn’t trust Tallis, but she also can’t deny her attraction to him. Between soul retrieving in hell, dealing with Bill and trying to figure out what’s in it for Tallis, Lily wonders if maybe she would’ve just been better off dead. To view the book trailer, visit: http://www.youtube.com/embed/cpDlXOdAv7sWant a sneak peek? Be sure to check out the “Look Inside This Book” feature at the top left of the page where you can preview the first three chapters!

©2013 H.P. Mallory (P)2013 Audible Inc.

Critic reviews

“H.P. Mallory has a quick wit, a fresh voice, and a clever way with words. If you like Charlaine Harris, you’ll love H.P. Mallory!” (Larissa Ione, New York Times Bestselling Fantasy Romance Author)

written for 15 year old boys

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

Less junior high name calling like "douche faces", "arch douche" and "ask hole".

What do you think your next listen will be?

I used to love HP Mallory books, but they just keep getting worse. This is my last attempt to read one of her books.

What three words best describe Betsy Hogg’s voice?

Like a teenager.

What character would you cut from Better Off Dead?

Bill the Angel

Any additional comments?

I feel like I have less brain cells now.

Narration Ruined It

I love H.P. Mallory. unfortunately, this book missed the mark. cool concept but the main character was so annoyingly stupid that it was frustrating. and she was supposed to be smart?! also, and I'm sorry, but the voice of the narrator was shrill and annoying to a fault. I couldn't wait for this to finish. her other voices of different characters bad. sorry, didn't like any of it. only finished because I paid for it and have a long commute.

Shallow.

A story about a self-professed unattractive and boring person who gets killed because she was stupid and was talking on her phone while driving, in bad weather. Then blames her guardian angel because it was only supposed to be a fender bender and it ended up being more, all the while he was out on a bender himself. While the premise to the story could have been great, it bombs with all the shallowness to the main character and all the clichés of the storyline. The girl gets everything; new looks, house, credit cards and a car all the while complains because the hot guy doesn't ogle her with her new supermodel body. Then she quotes self-help books all throughout the book, it was annoying. But what really ruins the book is the guardian angel. What was up with Bill, he was so obnoxious calling everybody degrading names that he barely gets anything else out and why did he have to take the pills to see the hidden realm, I thought he was an angel. But the thing that really killed this story was the narrator she sounds like a whiny 12 year old girl, if it wasn't for the story starting off fairly interesting I would have quickly stopped listening. I gave up about 4 1/2 hours into the book.

No!

What disappointed you about Better Off Dead?

The first part of the book was great. It was an interesting story. I liked the main character and then the guardian angel showed up. Crude, rude, nasty, foul language and on and on every time he said anything.Some of that in a novel is ok and it adds a needed element to the story, but enough is enough and this had WAY too much.

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Better Off Dead?

I would have totally cut the guardian angel from the whole book.

Any additional comments?

I didn't finish this one and will not continue with the series. I've read or listened to other books by this author and enjoyed them. This one was just not worth it.

Not for me.

I can't recommend this book. the premise sounded interesting, however: characters are totally unlikable. narration is awful. sounds like a 14year old girl picked up a book and started reading it.

I don't need to read book 2

I like H.P. Mallory but sadly this book was not worth the download. It was long and drawn out, I hated the way Bill was written and read. . .I feel like I should get my money back for this one. I don't recommend it but it's on you to read or not. My opinion DON'T BORHER

Slow pacing and narrated by a 12 year old

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

A different narrator and a better editor to fix the pacing and overly-obnoxious parts.

What was most disappointing about H. P. Mallory’s story?

The story was so slow to start and 5 hours and 55 minutes into it, it still hasn't started. They're "on their way" to the first mission. Too much description of stuff that doesn't matter, very slow pacing. I'm giving up.The guardian angel character is obnoxious, and has almost zero redeeming qualities. The author should have balanced out the vulgarity with some positive aspects. Few people are 100% crude and rude. I was hoping they'd kill him off in a dramatic fashion but when I saw he's going to be around with the next book, too, I decided I couldn't take it anymore.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

The narrator is very emotionless and young sounding, almost monotone. 'Blah blah blah,' you hear, and then the words "so-and-so shouted" are added in as an afterthought and I'm suddenly shocked that the character speaking wasn't actually bored. The narration did not reflect the story.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

It could have been a great story, but the pacing and narration, and the annoying guardian angel ruined it.

Has possibilities, but sabotaged itself

I like the interaction between Lilly and Conan. Angel Bill is just too sophomoric. His supposed funny talk is just dumb and demeaning to women.
I listened to the audio version. This is the first narrator I have really disliked. Her voice is too childlike.

PLEASE get another narrator befor the next book!

What would have made Better Off Dead better?

The first thing would be a new narrator. The story took forever to move forward. The story has them go on their first mission and it takes forever for them to set off on that mission.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

The way she mispronounces words is very annoying. She also does horrible voices for the men.

Better Off Buried Somewhere

What would have made Better Off Dead better?

A different narrator, for starters.

What could H. P. Mallory have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

Cut Bill the Angel completely out of the story. His only contributions to the story are stupid, junior high type comments usually including some form of "douche". He grates on your nerves - if he's supposed to be funny, he's not. Just a series of frequent annoying comments and selfish acts.

What didn’t you like about Betsy Hogg’s performance?

She does not know how to pronounce many words, but the worst is sword, half of the time saying it correctly and the other half saying "sahward". Her male voices are pitiful. She makes the lead character too whiny.

What character would you cut from Better Off Dead?

Bill the Angel. He's annoying and serves no purpose.

Any additional comments?

This book is really, really bad. The characters are shallow and are made more so by horrid narration. Mallory's earlier works are much better. I couldn't finish this one, so maybe it redeems itself in the end, but after about six hours I can't take anymore.