Samson's Lovely Mortal

Scanguards Vampires, Book 1

By: Tina Folsom

Narrated by: Kevin Foley

Length: 9 hrs and 14 mins

Publisher's summary

Vampire bachelor Samson can't get it up anymore. Not even his shrink can help him. That changes when the lovely mortal auditor Delilah tumbles into his arms after a seemingly random attack. Suddenly there's nothing wrong with his hydraulics - that is, as long as Delilah is the woman in his arms.

His scruples about taking Delilah to bed vanish when his shrink suggests it's the only way to cure his problem. Thinking all he needs is one night with her, Samson indulges in a night of pleasure and passion.

However, another attack on Delilah and a dead body later, and Samson has his hands full: not only with trying to hide the fact he's a vampire, but also with finding out what secrets Delilah harbors for somebody to want her harm.

©2012 Tina Folsom (P)2012 Tina Folsom

The first line will make your jaw drop!

A good, hot and sexy vampire story with some unique twists. I enjoyed this listen, especially when narrator K. Foley has to scream in ecstasy as a vampire stripper...it is so bad that it's hilarious. This is a series and I definitely will continue on....

Wow what an amazing book!!

This is my first time listening to this author and I enjoyed it very much. I love fantasy books and especially vampire books so I would have to say I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys these type of books as well as I do.

Good Story Line, Terrible Writing

I fell in like with the characters Samson & Delila. However, the sentences were choppy, lacked description, added nothing to help the imagination of setting or visualization of characters. Overall, the writing was immature, lacked luster and description and left the reader/listener flat feeling like you were reading a pre-teen book as far as vocabulary and grammar. Lots of words, nothing imaginative.

If someone would take this book and add a few adjectives and more mature adult character parts, it could be a great series. With the choppy sentences and lack of literary maturity, it didn't allow the narrator to be judged fairly either.

I suppose I was expecting the literary caliber of J. R. Ward or Suzanne Brockmann. This book missed the mark in a big way. I did like the storyline and all of the under-developed characters have much potential.

I downloaded the first 2 books in the series and hope Book 2 will exhibit more literary maturity. If not, I may ask for a refund.

Stephanie Meyers' Twilight Series & E.L. James' 50 Shades writings matured after their first book in series, perhaps Tina Folsom will do better in Book 2 of this series too.

If I could give it a zero, I would

Absolutely awful! The narration is like you would hear for an animal planet documentary. Just reads it, with no emotion whatsoever. The story is about the same ,blah, with lots of sex. Nothing there to get you interested in these characters. I couldn't finish it, and really don't care.

A Monumental Piece of Garbage

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

A Mormon grandmother

Has Samson's Lovely Mortal turned you off from other books in this genre?

No. However, I won't read anything from this author again unless I feel like getting perspective from an 11 year old who's just took their first creative writing course.

Would you be willing to try another one of Kevin Foley’s performances?

OH HELL NO. There was NOTHING sexy about his vocal performance. The female lead was read like a caricature. It was comedic, not alluring or intense.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

Yes. The ability to turn it off was a very redeeming quality in this book.

Any additional comments?

Someday I'm going to buy a copy of this book and recover it with a new title: "How To Write When The Left and Right Hemispheres of Your Brain Are Disconnected"

Reads like a bad porn script.

I know this is a vampire romance so I shouldn't be surprised...but the writing is so pornographic that I actually laughed out loud. I think the story could have been interesting but I was distracted by the graphic sex scenes and raunchy descriptions of body parts. Adding insult to injury is the narration. Another reviewer compared the narrator to Ben Stein and I have to agree. He reads the story without emotion and makes the female characters sound so whiny I wanted to kill them myself. The storyline has potential and a little more development might have salvaged it but plot resolution was clearly an afterthought here. Don't waste your time.

ugh. couldn't finish it

Terrible, I could not finish it. I am not a prude by no means but seriously the F bomb is constant. Just to much for me. Pass on this unless you like the F bomb repeatedly.

SORELY DISAPPOINTED

What disappointed you about Samson's Lovely Mortal?

I counted on the reviews for this one and I've got to say either my standards are extremely high or others are extremely low. The story line lacked UMPH ! and comments throughout the story made by Delilah were corny and juvenile.

Would you ever listen to anything by Tina Folsom again?

Well, I have downloaded the second book and did this before I listened to the first one as it was a $4.95 purchase, but don't know if I can put myself through that again.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Kevin Foley?

There are a number of male narrators that would have done a much better job, i.e., Robert Petkoff, Dick Hill, Max Bellmore, Kaleo Griffith . KF just did not have what it took to make listening a good experience. Even when the story emphasized "a sultry voice" there was no change in KF's inflection.

What character would you cut from Samson's Lovely Mortal?

No change in male voices, female voice sounded like a man trying really hard not to make fun of the female voice, no emphasis when the voice called for anger, rage, lust, etc.

Any additional comments?

Yes, it is really too bad that whoever puts a narrator to a novel doesn't take into consideration that the narrator really holds most of the cards when it comes to listening a particular book. For me, the narrator is almost more important than the storyline. I can get through a mediocre book if the narrator knows what to do with the voices. Also, I don't know if the author of a book has any say in the narrator/book match, but they should; I believe an author can loose credibility and thus a fan base of their books are good and their narrator is bad.

I couldn't stand how bad this was... Poor Samson..

Here was my problem. Just like any normal reader I want to LIKE the characters! The story seemed to be written by a man that has absolutely no idea how women actually act or think. The "heroine" said things so spineless and hypocritical that I literally found myself laughing out loud with frustration. It also seemed that Folsom realized the same problem with her character and randomly threw in a cat fight at the end where she literally tries to kill someone but is stopped at the last minute...what!? Why would someone go from being scared and innocent to: "B@#$% I'm going to kill you!"
Second problem I had was the narration. Not the biggest issue but the voices for the women sounded like he was mocking them himself.

Heh its OK

Would you try another book from Tina Folsom and/or Kevin Foley?

I don't know, this book was extremely predictable. I was not impressed with the narrator at all you might as well have Ben Stein read the story with the lack of emotions.

Would you ever listen to anything by Tina Folsom again?

Not if its this predictable

How did the narrator detract from the book?

I didn't like his female voices at all and he showed very little emotion when the characters were yelling at each other ect.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

Honeslty my favorite part was in the begining when Delilah falls through Samson's front door and he thinks she's a stripper for his birthday party, that was hilarious....the book needed more of that.

Any additional comments?

I recommend Jacquelyn Frank and Kresley Cole for paranormal romance books, they are deeper and more creative.