Keane Morgan wouldn't return any of my calls or texts, and I was pissed as hell about it. I didn't want to drive from Seattle to L.A. with the guy any more than he wanted to drive with me, but I had no frickin' choice in the matter - at least, not if I wanted to use his brother Dax's coveted parking spot at UCLA.
Okay, so it turned out Keane was objectively gorgeous, and, fine, pretty funny, too. But did he have to be so damned in love with himself? I mean, jeez, the cocky way he flashed those dimples was just so orchestrated. And, honestly, what kind of guy uses the phrase "baby doll" with a straight face? Oh, that's right: the kind of guy who's a male stripper.
Yup, the cocky jerk turned out to be Seattle's answer to Magic Mike, a stripper known as "Ball Peen Hammer" - which meant Keane Morgan was emphatically not the kind of guy I'd ever fall for.
Not. At. All.
No freakin' way.
Well, until Keane convinced me to fall for him, that is.
Which I did.
©2016 Lauren Rowe (P)2016 Lauren Rowe
This book really surprised me. A few chapters in, and I was ready to criticize it in a review. I really didn’t like it. The surfer dude/valley girl/text speech/cutsie pet names hailed down so fast and furious it was painful. The barrage of Yee Boys, hellz yeahs, bee tee dubs, brahs, sweet meats, Pickles, Peenies, Keaneys, kewls, bonin’s, baby dolls, and seshes had me grimacing, and rolling my eyes in sheer repulsion and confusion. Madelyn the Badelyn? Hanna Banana Cream Pie? Dax Frickity Fracks? Peenie Weenie? You could fill up a book with the dude-isms and the cutsie names - and if you did, you’d call it Ball Peen Hammer. This was supposed to be romance novel material? Maybe for some, lord help them. Not for me.
Not, that is, until Maddy and Keane got in a car together. Granted, the Morgan clan and their hilarious text exchange broke the ice for me, but Maddy + Keane = that’s when I started to warm up to this book. I’m not saying that the dude-isms and the swagger-talk eased up - if anything they increased. But, somehow, once I started seeing Keane through Maddy’s eyes, once I got a glimpse past Ball Peen Hammer and into Keane, I found myself giving Keane a real chance. And eventually, like Maddy, I fell a little in love with Keane. I loved the way this book made that happen.
I found this book to be a clever and inventive take on a romance novel. In any other book, Keane would not be the leading man. He’s the gay, best friend sidekick. He’s the too slick lounge lizard giving you the “wink + pleasure + baby doll’.” He’s the sleezy Rico Suave calling women ‘lovely ladies.’ He’s the goofy, irresponsible younger brother who never returns your messages. He’s the cocky, light-hearted, irreverant, stoned surfer dude who dyes his hair blue for his bro. Keane? He’s all of these quirky characters rolled into one. In short, he’s the comic relief. He’s NOT the main man. He’s not romance hero material. Until.... gradually, he IS. That is the genius of this book. As Maddy says, Keane is “Daffy Duck trapped inside Prince Charming’s body,” and it’s so true. Yet, at the same time, it’s not - because this book is a bit of the reverse. This book is all about the reveal - the gradual reveal to both Maddy, the reader, and to Keane, himself, that daffy as Keane may act and seem, Daffy Duck is just the dude persona behind which Keane is hiding a real Prince Charming.
Things this book got right:
We get to know characters 98% through dialogue - there’s very little inner monologue. This makes the book more vibrant and interesting, and helps the reader get to know the characters as they get to know each other and themselves. It’s more real. And because a lot of the dialogue is witty and flirtacious, it’s loads of fun.
The characters are honest, vulnerable, and direct. There is no game playing going on. Keane may talk a big talk, but there’s a brain and a heart of gold behind his fast mouth. Maddy, quick-witted and insightful, parries flawlessly with Keane and quickly sees more to him than his ‘yo-bro’ facade.
There is a very solid, very clear story arc. Everything is there for a reason. Everything helps explain a character or ties into the main storyline. Everything fits. The book is tight.
The author does not employ some of the usual romance novel tricks - evil outside manipulators, glaring ‘if only you’d told the truth earlier’ or stupid misunderstandings. The tension in the novel is created from real issues that each of the characters have, and they grow and deal with those issues in real world ways.
All-in-all, I’d have to give the narration a thumbs up. Apparently the author narrated the ‘Maddy’ sections. So... that must BE Maddy! In the beginning of the story, I found her overly chirpy and young which contributed to the maddening dorky/cutsieness of the novel, but I mostly grew to like her over the course of the book. Keane is read as a total surfer dude. John Lane has a great voice, but in the beginning he read Keane really fast - and again, that contributed to my aversion to him - he just sounded SO much more like a caricature than a real character. But, he slowed down later, and as I grew to like Keane, I also grew to like his narrator. Overall, I’d give the narration a 4.3 on 5 scale. Slower would have been sexier. But I don’t think that was what this book was going for.
Things this book didn’t quite get right:
The sex. Well, Keane is well-versed and a self-proclaimed expert. No doubt he is. And even though this book was all about sex, talking about sex, instructing about sex, and eventually the happening of sex, the overall takeaway was not all that hot. I'm not sure how that happened. But, it did... or didn't, depending on how you look at it. I wasn't swept away in the lust/romance department. Somehow Sweet Sassy Molassey waggling' her boobs and bonin' Keaney Peenie Lionel Richie style just never was going to be seriously hot business for those of us living in the non-dork world.
The ending. Rushed. Lackluster. Meh.
I Love a great supernatural tale, a Love story, PNR, a Cool Mystery and Most Sci-Fi....if there are vampires, weres or witches in it, that's a plus! Basically I am a 40+ y/o young at heart woman rediscovering the wonderful world of books and am now addicted! Lol I LOVE AUDIBLE!!!!!
I loved ALL OF IT!!! Great narration and a super fun story!!!
AGAIN ALL OF IT!!!!!!!
They were great...I loved them both...I would love to listen to them again!
When my Keanie Peenie finally admit to his mom that he loved Maddie, my heart almost burst!!!!!
Holy Moly I loved this sooooo much more than I expected too...I went in with an open mind...and within an hour I was hooked and in love! This is such a super fun story...and both these characters are adorbsickles!!!! Peenie is a male stripper and by chance ends up driving with Maddie to CA to live with her sister...they bond very quickly and almost didn't make it...because my Peenie is a jerksickle...but he comes to his senses and they get a very beautiful HEA!! LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT!!! Keane is such an adorable character...and Maddie is Awesome too!!!!!
I loved this love story and I think that it was well worth the credit. I agreed with one reviewer that mentioned if they heard "bruh" one more time that they were going to lose it. However, once I just accepted that it was part of the character, and focused on the story, I throughly enjoyed this book.
Ok let's start by saying the book is just plain good I mean really what's better then a super sexy book that makes you laugh. This book is full of family friends love lust and so much more other then the main plot the supporting story's really added to it out side of the crazy as hell language I mean my boyfriend now hates me for calling him every thing from sugar lips to hunny balls or saying rabbit after anyone says Rodger it's just way to good worth the credit
Ok Peeps...IT'S HAMMER TIME!
From the first sighting of this book cover I knew I was going to love this story.
The cover & the story are Deeeevviiiinne!
Madelyn 'The Badasselyn' Milliken is not impressed with her first interaction via text messages with Keane 'Ball Peen Hammer ' Morgan. However, to appease her big sister Hannah's concerns & in order to score a coveted car park in her sister's building, Maddy goes along with the plans to take Keane to LA with her.
What happens along the way lead Maddy & Keane to a place that neither expected to go or saw coming.
With Ball Peen Hammer..Lauren Rowe has allowed us another glimpse into her quirky and amazingly talented mindspace & woohee! it's a bloody fantastic view.
Once again...from the first page we are sucked into a vortex of pure sexiness...and the feelings just continue to ramp up throughout this story.
The banter is pure Lauren Rowe genius...the ribald humour & down to earth interaction between the characters makes this story flow with a real life interactive feel that will leave a smile plastered on your face when you finish.
Keane Morgan...you my man are one smooth, cocky but oh so lovable sexy creature.
And Maddy Milliken...what a feisty, witty & adorable balance for Peen.
I loved this book!
Another 5star hit from Lauren.
I didn't really enjoy this story for many reasons. One, I'm a 'one of the guys' kind of girl and I have mostly guy friends and none (and I do mean NONE) of my guy friends have ever talked like ANY of the guys in this story. Two, I had a love/hate relationship with both of the main characters, I just don't understand them at all. And Three, things felt rushed yet slow all at once. For (I think) 30 or so chapters the main characters are on this road trip that just seems to go on and on and on and during this time I felt that there should have been moments of a love connection, but no instead they friend zone the monkeys out of each while trying not to 'bone' one another. This made it where when they actually felt something other than lust for each other the story was almost over and it felt rushed and not at all as amazing as I thought it would be....
Now don't get me wrong I absolutely love how the Arthur voiced this and I thoroughly enjoyed her character wayyyy more than the any of the guys, I just didn't enjoy this story as much as I wanted too, and that my friend is super disappointing
Audible Addict!!! My Favorite books have change since joining Audible and my taste for erotic has enhanced! Follow me to the dark side. ;)
This is just another great listen!!! I love Lauren's writing and narrating soooooo fucking much she could write or read anything and I would love it. John Lane also gets 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 because the narration made me laugh so hard and loud. I would love to hear from Lauren telling us how she came up with some of this shit. I can't get "the bald man in a boat out of my head" that was priceless. BOTTOM LINE GET YOU SOME OF THIS BALL PEEN ACTION IT IS GREAT ALL AROUND LISTEN. KUDOS LAUREN AND JOHN
I was sooooo pleasantly surprised with this book. I thought it would be amusing, I never imagined it would be in my top ten of '16! Seriously laugh out loud funny, Peenie Weenie will capture your heart and make you pee your pants all the live long day!!! It's sweet, it's sexy, and did I mention hilarious? I absolutely love all the nicknames and banter. Oh and his family? So awesome ❤️ Omg I died at their text convos. 🎤 his mom 😂🎤 you will die. You seriously need this listen to brighten your day. If you're having a bad day, listen to BPH!!!
Great funny, sexy Audible story from one of my favourite authors Lauren Rowe. Thanks for popping my audio book cherry with this awesome book Lauren and it was so great to hear your voice as MadDog Maddie Milligan❣️
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Ball Peen Hammer by Lauren Rowe
Narrated by John Lane and Lauren Rowe
Standalone Romantic Erotic Comedy
Wow. Ball Peen Hammer by Lauren Rowe was certainly a different book. I had had several recommendations for the audiobook, and since the kindle was already on my TBR, I grabbed the audiobook instead. At first I laughed and cringed at the same time, because honestly, the hero is THE.MOST.OBNOXIOUS.GUY.ON.THE.PLANET. but he totally grows on you. In the end, you can't help but love him.
"Still livin’ the dream, dolin’ out fantasies to the horny ladies one lap dance at a time.”
Okay, let me explain. Keane Morgan is a stripper. A very immature, self-centered, kind of dumb stripper whose claim to fame is that he can totally do the Magic Mike dance perfectly. But he is gorgeous as hell and has a heart of gold. He is as over-the top with the annoying bro lingo as you can get. I mean "bee tee dubs" instead of "by the way" was probably said 50 times. Along with "Yee-boi" and "Bruh". I honestly don't think I could have read it, but listening was kind of funny. Had I met him in person, I would have vomited in my mouth. But listening was fun.
Maddy Millikan is sweet, sassy and kind of nerdy, and headed to LA to go to film school. She has a long drive ahead of her, so her sister asks her to take her neighbor's brother on the drive with her. Enter Ball Peen Hammer (Keane Morgan). The sexy blue-haired stripper was rude as hell to her at first, thinking it was some random texting him, so their relationship started rocky.
From him calling her "Baby doll" right off the bat and "baby cakes", "sweet cheeks" and tons of other nicknames, it was enough to get Maddy's sassy personality up front and center, when she is usually shy and tongue tied around guys she is attracted to. Since he swore not to sleep with her, and she thought he was an idiot at first, despite his looks, they began their road trip firmly ensconced in the friend zone.
As they cross the country together and we get to know each of them as they get to know each other, I was surprised I ended up loving the sexy oaf. His tips to living a handsome and happy life were amazing, and I loved her smart, sweet ways, and how she bantered right back to Keane.
I must give a shout out to Peen's relationship with his best friend and "wifey", Z. They had their own language almost, and it was silly and over the top, but you also end up loving them together too.
The sex was hot, but the story wasn't so much about the sex as it was this unlikely couple getting together, and breaking through the obnoxious boy shell of Keane to get to the real heart inside, and it was about him growing up a bit.
•How he really broke down the third wall and spoke directly to the readers.
•How the author was able to turn around someone I honestly couldn't stand at first.
•I ended up laughing out loud several times.
•Silly and over the top, yet totally sweet and sexy at the same time.
•I loved how she was able to bring out the best in him and see that he was so much more than just a stripper.
•I loved the BFF relationship between Peen and Z, as well as the brother's relationships.
•Maddy was smart, feisty, and just perfect to wise Peeny up.
•I loved that the female was narrated by the author herself.
•The bro-language was just too much sometimes. It was a little immature, but ended up being funny.
•Bee Tee Dubs -if I hear it again, I'm gonna vomit. (But that worked in the story).
The Down & Dirty:
I think that Ball Peen Hammer must be better on audible than reading it. I'm just not sure how easy it would be to read all the slang and bro words. But listening to it was pretty funny. The narration was excellent, and it couldn't be easy to speak like Keane. I am so glad I stuck with this book. At first, I couldn't stand the language, but I was kind of giggling too. Once I stopped thinking of the douchey guy I know that talks like this, and let myself laugh at it, I enjoyed it more. But the best part to me was how I fell for the guy I couldn't stand at first, and how a book I was thinking of putting down turned into one I loved. I loved how this road trip between complete strangers brought out the best in both of them, turned into a great friendship, and then the romance came. If you are ready to laugh and not take it seriously, and you think you can handle "bee tee dubs", I think you should grab this audiobook for a totally different romcom experience.
Rating: 4 Stars, 4 Heat, 5 Narration
I lost count of every time I laughed out loud.
Gorgeous characters, Maddy was sweet and the voice of the narrator matched and worked for the character - often the story will write in a bad ass element to the female role but this one was genuinely sweet, I know so many girls like this, so I thought it was lovely.
Keane -I thought he was going to irritate the hell out of me but NO! He was delightful and the whole dynamic was magic.
absolutely recommend this as a feel good book.
"A quiet moment of 5* magic"
Welcome to the beautiful and tantalisingly sinful world of Ball peen hammer aka Keane Morgan. Oh my wrap me up in dollar bills and throw me his way!!!
This book will have you crying with laughter as you fall hard for the cocky, wise cracking but oh so sweet keane Morgan.
Maddy milliken the complete polar opposite of Keane, sweet and sassy and determined not to succumb to the charm.
Lauren wraps you up into a blissful state of emotion and carries you away on a journey you don't want to end but when that time comes you are left with the most amazing hangover.
Yet again another amazing read from Lauren and an off the charts 5*
"Holy majoly this is one book you have to get!!"
I've literally just put Ball Peen Hammer down and holy majoly this is one book you are going to want to read!!
I'm a MAHOOSIVE fan of Lauren Rowe and started this book knowing it was going to be awesome but it exceeded my expectations! It was fantabulous!!
If you have indulged in The Club series you will know a little about the characters that you meet in Ball Peen Hammer! It revolves around Keane Morgan aka Peen aka Ball Peen Hammer the list goes on ha ha and Maddy Milliken who is seriously adorbsicles! I fell in love with both these characters instantly – they are the type of people you would want to have in your inner circle of friends! The craic in this book was off the scale to put it mildly! The story introduces you to each of them and follows their journey together on the way to Los Angeles, then continues from there! There are some other awesome characters you come across too!! (I've really got to find me a wifey like Zander).
The chemistry between Maddy and Keane was off the scale and how they bounced off each other was an absolute pleasure to read! Lauren Rowe you are a fricking genius!! Do not be fooled, although the first half of this book has the best banter and craic I have ever read before - never mind the Laurensims popping out and blowing my mind at every turn of a page - the second half of this book is going to give you THAT heart beating feeling you get, like you are literally melting reading about two people together. This book has all the FEELS.
I laughed so hard while reading this book, I cried at one part and had the warm fuzzy feeling at another - Lauren is an amazing author in that respect, she can go from writing the funniest scenes you have ever read to the gut wrenching ones that make you cry! So many times during the book did I have a “moment” where I thought this author is something special!
The sexy scenes between Keane and Maddy where HAWT!!! You may need to spray someone reading this book with some water to calm them down 😜 I would also suggest that there should be a warning that accompanies this book regarding horny ladies ha ha!
Lauren's writing as usual flows effortlessly, drawing you into the tale and keeping you hostage until the end. Only because I had little people to feed and look after did I put the book down! I cannot give this book enough praise and stress how much everybody needs a bit of Peen in their lives!
If you want to be a handsome and happy chap all the livelong day then you must must must read this book!!! It will blow your mind!
6 amazeball stars!!
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