On Repentance and Repair

Making Amends in an Unapologetic World

By: Danya Ruttenberg

Narrated by: Sara Sheckells

Length: 9 hrs and 21 mins

Publisher's summary

Winner NATIONAL JEWISH BOOK AWARDS in Contemporary Jewish Life & Practice
Myra H. Kraft Memorial Award

A crucial new lens on repentance, atonement, forgiveness, and repair from harm—from personal transgressions to our culture’s most painful and unresolved issues

American culture focuses on letting go of grudges and redemption narratives instead of the perpetrator’s obligations or recompense for harmed parties. As survivor communities have pointed out, these emphases have too often only caused more harm. But Danya Ruttenberg knew there was a better model, rooted in the work of the medieval philosopher Maimonides.

For Maimonides, upon whose work Ruttenberg elaborates, forgiveness is much less important than the repair work to which the person who caused harm is obligated. The word traditionally translated as repentance really means something more like return, and in this book, returning is a restoration, as much as is possible, to the victim, and, for the perpetrator of harm, a coming back, in humility and intentionality, to behaving as the person we might like to believe we are.

Maimonides laid out 5 steps: naming and owning harm; starting to change/transformation; restitution and accepting consequences; apology; and making different choices. Applying this lens to both our personal relationships and some of the most significant and painful issues of our day, including systemic racism and the legacy of enslavement, sexual violence and harassment in the wake of #MeToo, and Native American land rights, On Repentance and Repair helps us envision a way forward.

Rooted in traditional Jewish concepts while doggedly accessible and available to people from any, or no, religious background, On Repentance and Repair is a book for anyone who cares about creating a country and culture that is more whole than the one in which we live, and for anyone who has been hurt or who is struggling to take responsibility for their mistakes.

©2022 Danya Ruttenberg (P)2022 Beacon Press

Critic reviews

"Ruttenberg’s book sets out guidelines for full-hearted repentance—the kind of atonement that people should do, but often don’t.” —Sandra Collins, Library Journal

“Excellent, necessary . . . Her careful and thoughtful writing frequently includes the voices of others, centering the needs of victims and holding the words of perpetrators to account.” —Emily Dziuban, Booklist

“When you read Danya Ruttenberg’s brilliant book, you see with fresh eyes that there is a huge omission in contemporary culture: we don’t have a road map for how someone who’s done harm can change and make amends to others, nor do we discuss why this is necessary for both individual recovery and societal well-being.” —Rebecca Solnit, author of Orwell’s Roses

Really Made Me Think

I'm a Christian but this book really made me think. I shouldn't have been surprised to learn so much from a Rabbi since When Bad Things Happen to Good People, one of the most important books I've ever read, was also written by a Rabbi. I'm one of those people who is quick to apologize and it's always really bothered me when some of my close family members and friends can't bring themselves to even say "I'm sorry." Now I know why that bothers me so much.

Danya does such a good job of laying out the process of repentance and repair. If you follow these steps, it's really impossible not to hold yourself and others accountable for any actions that may hurt others. I was also surprised at how similar these steps are to some of the steps in the 12 step process of AA and other addictions.

I also want to say that we Christians rightly emphasize the importance of love. However, loving one another also includes holding ourselves and each other accountable. That's the uncomfortable and at times really difficult aspect of love. But you can't have true love without it.

Interesting but incomplete

There were a lot of interesting ideas in this book about repentance but I don’t think Ruttenberg really deals with how one should truly implement these ideas in one’s life and relationships. She makes it seem really obvious to know if one has caused harm that needs to be repaired. But at least in my experience that is the most complicated part. It seems like this fixation on repair and repentance could easily be weaponized by people with more power. She touches on that, but I don’t think she really deals with it. I think her most important insight is the failure of our current paradigm to center the victim. And the idea that a huge part of repentance is becoming the kind of person who won’t do the harm again. But. I think without talking about how to realize that you have perpetrated harm the philosophy is fairly shallow.

Lots of religious underpinnings but practical guide for all

I’m not Jewish but not unaware of the religious concepts of repentance and repair as presented here. The book is so logically presented and clearly narrated that I listened carefully so as to absorb fully the truths within. I thought the very ending was almost like an evangelical invitation to convert (to justice and repentance rather than a religious organization) but that was only 15 minutes of the whole book and I understood the author’s earnest pleading…

A guide to moving forward

An excellent resource for community healing and moving forward with accountability, repentance and repair. I recommend this book this process for all ages and institutions to use as a guide with humble intention of justice, equality respect and regard

Excellent work on a difficult topic

The topic of repentance, making true amends and repairing damage is fraught with pitfalls and missteps, bad ideas and self-serving narratives. The Rabbi's work does a fantastic job of exploring all that and managing to center healing, reparations, and true growth when all else seems lost. Amazing work.

This is so good!

As a Jew myself, I was interested in how our framework could be used for restorative and other non punitive forms of justice. This book delivered. It’s so good I’ve recommended it to many people. GET THIS AUDIOBOOK!

So meaningful

A great book for anyone to read, whether you feel you’ve done wrong, have had wrong done to you, or neither. Everyone should read this book.