• The Velvet Rage

  • Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
  • By: Alan Downs Ph. D
  • Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D
  • Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (1,710 ratings)

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The Velvet Rage  By  cover art

The Velvet Rage

By: Alan Downs Ph. D
Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D
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Publisher's summary

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Categories: LGBTQ+

What listeners say about The Velvet Rage

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  • Overall
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Must read for any gay man

Would you listen to The Velvet Rage again? Why?

There was quite a bit of information presented, and I think listening to it again might help me access more of it.

What did you like best about this story?

The inclusion of anecdotes really helped me relate my own life to the issues described in the book.

Which scene was your favorite?

Chapter 14, where he talked about life skills.

If you could give The Velvet Rage a new subtitle, what would it be?

An owner's manual for the gay life.

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17 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Very Profound for Me

Would you consider the audio edition of The Velvet Rage to be better than the print version?

Yes - I enjoyed Alan Downs reading his own words. There are subtleties in his voice that add significance.

What did you like best about this story?

How much I can relate to the struggle and the potential for growth he offers.

Have you listened to any of Alan Downs’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I haven't. This is the first.

What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?

Probably the first chapters where he discusses shame, its origins and manifestations etc. I'd never though about my own shame in those terms before. Very helpful!

Any additional comments?

Really worth the read, guys.

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9 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Heartwarming and Informative

Alan's tone and approach is heartwarming with its message of hope. This message is presented without flourish. This made the content less entertaining but far more personal and moving. I am grateful for the wisdom shared and have already begun to share some of it with my friends. I recommend the book to every gay person wishing to understand more about their emotional world and to everyone else for the same reason. A little understanding can only help and this book has much to share.

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

So so

Some good ideas. But it feels often like the writer believes all gay men have the same problems. He doesn't seem to think any gay man can grow up without being ashamed.

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5 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Most moving book I have ever read. A+++

Would you consider the audio edition of The Velvet Rage to be better than the print version?

Haven't read the printed version but ordered it so I could highlight specific portions. Having both wouldn't be a bad idea.

What did you like best about this story?

How closely it related to me.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

YES!!! Although I didn't have the time to I listened as much as possible.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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A Great Perspective that Resonates

If you could sum up The Velvet Rage in three words, what would they be?

This book offers a clear perspective on the life of gay men and the challenges we face dealing with the way our lives feel need to be and how they should be. The perspective really resonates with me and made me sit back and think about how much the shame and expectations of gay life impacted and continue to impact me. Worth every minute of listening pleasure.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Velvet Rage?

One thing - dont pass up that man who may not be perfect because you pass up the chance to meet an amazing person.

What about Alan Downs’s performance did you like?

Very easy to listen to very easy to enjoy.

What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?

Shame impacts everyone.

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5 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Waited 49 years for this.....

Overwhelmed just by the 1st chapter in what my definition of shame is vs the real meaning. I continue to hide my true self even after all these years, I have learned to be me, to be enough, then a new lady friend asked me if I had a girlfriend, I froze....again... yet in my mind I’m saying, “ your have no clue do you” so my true self is me, is Doug,
And I have to remember that what others think of me is none of my business..

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4 people found this helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars
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Can’t relate

Well, if you want a story about someone that’s self loathing, this is the book for you. I’ve heard about this book for years, and finally got it. Wow, just wow. Who relates to this author? The entire narrative is about a guy who is self loathing and projects that onto all other LGBTQ people. No, that wasn’t, and isn’t my experience. I’ve had hard times, and all the rest, but jeezus this guys story is so sad it’s pathetic. I’d say that he definitely needs a professional to talk to, BUT HES ACTUALLY GOT PH.D at the end of his name. Is he still making payments on the extra letter additions to his name? I’m either confused, or bored with how this book has remained in conversations all this time.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

A MUST read for every gay man.

I first read this book after a particularly painful breakup in 2007. I was definitely a solid phase 2. Seven years later I find myself reading this book again nursing another broken heart. This time I found myself teetering on the brink of three. The ending chapters of this book were like a warning showing me exactly what I was doing, as I was beginning to foreclose on authenticity.
Thank you Alan for writing this book!!!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Thank You!

I've already recommended this book to some of my friends as well as family members who need guidance and a further insight into the injustice that gay men face in this world.

I highly recommend this book for any gay man. Period.

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2 people found this helpful