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You Suck
- A Love Story
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
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You Suck
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Publisher's summary
Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.
Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody, the woman of his dreams, is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.
For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, 16-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)
Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call-girl named (duh) Blue.
And that really sucks.
Critic reviews
"A cheerfully perverse, gut-busting tale of young vampires in love....Moore writes with the jittery energy of a brilliant, charming class clown, mixing sex and gore and a potty mouth with a goofy-sweet sensibility to deliver laughs on nearly every page." (Publishers Weekly)
Featured Article: The 25 Best Vampire Audiobooks to Suck You In
Vampire stories have fascinated people across cultures for generations. From gothic Transylvania to early-aughts Washington, it seems like vampires have taken every form in every culture and every country around the world. From all of these options, we’ve selected 25 of the best audiobooks from the pack—those with the most captivating characters, creepiest settings, and, perhaps most importantly, the best vocal performances available.
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Glass Houses
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Morganville, Texas, is a small college town filled with quirky characters. But when the sun goes down, the bad come out. Because in Morganville, there is an evil that lurks in the darkest shadows---one that will spill out into the bright light of day.
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Be Aware..
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Ill Wind
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Haunted by personal demons and cut off from her friends and family, Anna Pigeon seeks solace in the quiet ruins of Colorado's Mesa Verde National Park. But the solitude is soon interrupted. A mysterious illness is afflicting tourists to the park. When an asthmatic child dies and a ranger colleague - and friend - is murdered, Anna must find out the truth.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Ban Abridgements!
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-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 5,336
When he was 19, James Stark was considered to be one of the greatest natural magicians, a reputation that got him demon-snatched and sent downtown - to Hell - where he survived as a gladiator, a sideshow freak entertaining Satan's fallen angels. That was 11 years ago. Now, the hitman who goes only by Stark has escaped and is back in L.A. Armed with a fortune-telling coin, a black bone knife, and an infernal key, Stark is determined to destroy the magic circle.
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5 out of 5 stars
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jack bauer + spawn = sandman slim
- By Mike Naka on 11-03-12
By: Richard Kadrey
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Glass Houses
- Morganville Vampires, Book 1
- By: Rachel Caine
- Narrated by: Cynthia Holloway
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,668
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,288
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,294
Morganville, Texas, is a small college town filled with quirky characters. But when the sun goes down, the bad come out. Because in Morganville, there is an evil that lurks in the darkest shadows---one that will spill out into the bright light of day.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Be Aware..
- By Justin on 07-21-09
By: Rachel Caine
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Ill Wind
- An Anna Pigeon Novel
- By: Nevada Barr
- Narrated by: Joanna Gleason
- Length: 2 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 190
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 127
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Story4 out of 5 stars 129
Haunted by personal demons and cut off from her friends and family, Anna Pigeon seeks solace in the quiet ruins of Colorado's Mesa Verde National Park. But the solitude is soon interrupted. A mysterious illness is afflicting tourists to the park. When an asthmatic child dies and a ranger colleague - and friend - is murdered, Anna must find out the truth.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Ban Abridgements!
- By Karen on 01-26-08
By: Nevada Barr
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Burn Baby Burn
- By: Meg Medina
- Narrated by: Marisol Ramirez
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 92
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 81
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 79
Nora Lopez is 17 during the infamous New York summer of 1977, when the city is besieged by arson, a massive blackout, and a serial killer named Son of Sam who shoots young women on the streets. Nora's family life isn't going so well either: her bullying brother, Hector, is growing more threatening by the day, her mother is helpless and falling behind on the rent, and her father calls only on holidays. All Nora wants is to turn 17 and be on her own.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Couldn't finish listening to this book.
- By Mathis on 12-03-17
By: Meg Medina
-
Darling Days
- A Memoir
- By: iO Tillett Wright
- Narrated by: iO Tillett Wright
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 397
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 365
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 361
Born into the beautiful bedlam of downtown New York in the eighties, iO Tillett Wright came of age at the intersection of punk, poverty, heroin, and art. This was a world of self-invented characters, glamorous superstars, and strung-out sufferers, ground zero of drag and performance art. Still, no personality was more vibrant and formidable than iO's mother's. Rhonna, a showgirl and young widow, was a mercurial, erratic glamazon. She was iO's fiercest defender and only authority in a world with few boundaries and even fewer indicators of normal life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Can’t wait for more from this Author!
- By Team Hobson on 07-24-19
-
Bone Shop
- A Marla Mason Novel
- By: T. A. Pratt
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 223
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 195
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 197
Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
-
3 out of 5 stars
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-12-17
By: T. A. Pratt
-
Horror Stories
- Twenty-Six Scary Tales
- By: Jack Kilborn, J. A. Konrath
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- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 358
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 315
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 321
This collection features a menagerie of horror stories. Some are scary. Some are disturbing. Some are funny. Meet werewolves, vampires, zombies, psychopaths, aliens, cannibals, ghosts, and various things that go bump in the night. Previously published in dozens of anthologies and magazines, some of these tales are mild, but some are extreme. Let the reader beware...
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
IS A PIECE OF A@@, WORTH PRISON?, HELL YA!
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 02-10-16
By: Jack Kilborn, and others
-
Tall, Dark, and Dead
- By: Tate Hallaway
- Narrated by: Amanda Ronconi
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,124
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,011
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 1,010
Recovering witch Garnet Lacey owns Wisconsin's premier occult bookstore. And a fringe benefit of the job is getting customers like Sebastian Von Traum - piercing brown eyes, a sexy accent, and a killer body. The only thing missing is an aura. Which means he's dead. And that means trouble - something Garnet's a sucker for....
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Tall, Dark, Dead & Poorly Edited
- By Amy J on 08-11-13
By: Tate Hallaway
-
Nightwise
- By: R. S. Belcher
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 10 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,140
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,876
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 2,875
In the more shadowy corners of the world, frequented by angels and demons and everything in between, Laytham Ballard is a legend. It's said he raised the dead at the age of 10, stole the Philosopher's Stone in Vegas back in 1999, and survived the bloodsucking kiss of the Mosquito Queen. Wise in the hidden ways of the night, he's also a cynical bastard who stopped thinking of himself as the good guy a long time ago.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Forget Any Negative Reviews and Listen Now
- By G.A. Pauper on 10-05-15
By: R. S. Belcher
-
Crimes by Moonlight
- Mysteries from the Dark Side
- By: Charlaine Harris - author/editor
- Narrated by: Natalie Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 133
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 96
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 99
In number-one New York Times best-selling author Charlaine Harris’s "Dahlia Underground,” venerable vampire Dahlia Lynley-Chivers survives an attack by an anti-vampire terrorist group, only to show them they tried to blow up the wrong bloodsucker. Bailey Ruth Raeburn, a ghost assigned to assist humans in trouble, steps into the middle of a marital dispute with surprising twists in Carolyn Hart’s “Riding High”....
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Pleasantly surprised
- By Bonnie on 08-06-11
-
Thirsty
- By: Mia Hopkins
- Narrated by: Ozzie Rodriguez
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 159
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 149
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 148
My name is Salvador Rosas. Back in the barrio, my past is written on the walls: ESHB. Short for East Side Hollenbeck, my father's gang - my gang. Hell, it's a family tradition, one that sent both my brothers away. They used to call me "Ghost" because I haunted people's dreams. Now I've got nothing going for me except a hipster gringo mentoring me in a new career. An ex-con making craft beer? No mames. Still, people in this neighborhood look out for one another.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Really good ....
- By AMSullivan1077 on 04-07-19
By: Mia Hopkins
-
Son of a Trickster
- By: Eden Robinson
- Narrated by: Jason Ryll
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 152
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 139
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 139
Everyone knows a guy like Jared: the burnout kid in high school who sells weed cookies and has a scary mom who's often wasted and wielding some kind of weapon. Jared does smoke and drink too much, and he does make the best cookies in town, and his mom is a mess, but he's also a kid who has an immense capacity for compassion and an impulse to watch over people more than twice his age, and he can't rely on anyone for consistent love and support, except for his flatulent pit bull, Baby Killer (he calls her Baby) - and now she's dead.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Not Enough Fantasy. Too much pot.
- By Rena Tarlini on 09-07-19
By: Eden Robinson
-
Blood Oranges
- A Siobhan Quinn Novel
- By: Kathleen Tierney
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 107
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 96
-
Story3.5 out of 5 stars 99
My name's Quinn. If you buy into my reputation, I'm the most notorious demon hunter in New England. But rumors of my badassery have been slightly exaggerated. Instead of having kung-fu skills and a closet full of medieval weapons, I'm an ex-junkie with a talent for being in the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or…whatever. Wanted for crimes against inhumanity I (mostly) didn't commit, I was nearly a midnight snack for a werewolf until I was "saved" by a vampire calling itself the Bride of Quiet.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Great Narration, Subpar Book
- By Mel Thomas on 12-17-14
By: Kathleen Tierney
-
Nightlife
- By: Rob Thurman
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 624
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 526
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 531
In New York, there's a troll under the Brooklyn Bridge, a boggle in Central Park, and a beautiful vampire in a penthouse on the Upper East Side. Of course, most humans are oblivious to this, but Cal Leandros is only half-human. His father's dark lineage is the stuff of nightmares - and he and his entire otherworldly race are after Cal.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Excellent debut for promising new series
- By Tracey on 03-28-13
By: Rob Thurman
-
Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 496
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 454
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 453
In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
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It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
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Just why do humpback whales sing? That's the question that has marine behavioral biologist Nate Quinn and his crew poking, charting, recording, and photographing very big, wet, gray marine mammals - until the extraordinary day when a whale lifts its tail into the air to display a cryptic message spelled out in foot-high letters: Bite Me.
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San Francisco, 1947. Bartender Sammy “Two Toes” Tiffin and the rest of the Cookie’s Coffee Irregulars—a ragtag bunch of working mugs last seen in Noir—are on the hustle: they’re trying to open a driving school; shanghai an abusive Swedish stevedore; get Mable, the local madam, and her girls to a Christmas party at the State Hospital without alerting the overzealous head of the S.F.P.D. vice squad.
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San Francisco 1947: Es kommt nicht jeden Tag vor, dass eine rätselhafte, anmutige Blondine namens Stilton (ja, wie der Käse) in den verlotterten Laden kommt, in dem Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin Gin ausschenkt. Es ist Liebe auf den ersten Blick. Aber bevor Sammy den ersten Schritt machen kann, betritt ein Air Force General mit einem eiligen Auftrag für ihn den Saloon. Doch Sammy hat eigentlich besseres zu tun: Er arbeitet an einer eigenen Geschäftsidee. Als aber an der Pazifikküste ein unbekanntes Flugobjekt gesichtet wird und Stilton plötzlich spurlos verschwindet, muss er sich seinen dunkelsten Geheimnissen stellen, um seinen Käse zu retten.
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What listeners say about You Suck
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
- CrazyMomMcGee
- 08-12-10
The narrator is fantastic!
I like C. Moore and all, but I am REALLY liking these books because Susan Bennett did such an amazing job. I never thought I would find another reader I liked as much as I liked Jim Dale (who read all the Harry Potter books). I think I will be getting all the other books she read aloud just because ...
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Andrea
- 11-06-15
Christopher Moore is my new favourite author!
From the comically twisted mind of Christopher Moore has come some very funny and imaginative stories and likable characters, and this book is no exception! I am in love with the goth poser turned minion, Abbie Normal! She is a delightfully funny shallow yet deep, larger than life presence that brilliantly represents the fantasy-driven callousness, angst and vulnerability of the digital age teenager. Well-written, funny and engaging story! More, please, Mr Moore!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Uncle Zeke's Music Emporium
- 03-25-22
Hilarious AND amazing listen!
I mentioned it, in my review of "Bloodsucking Fiends', the first in this trilogy of books, but this... and the follow-up, Bite Me... are the best audiobook performances I gave ever heard. Hands down. Susan Bennett's ability to give each character such unique personalities is unparalleled. Especially, when it comes to Abbie Normal. Laugh. Out. Loud. Funny.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Michael G. Morris
- 05-08-23
Susan Bennett is a treasure
As much as I love this book, I listen to You Suck and Bite Me over and over just because Susan Bennett is hilarious as the narrator. She has a broad range of character voices, and makes the books come alive. My favorite voice in these books is Abby Normal. Cracks me up.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
- Virgil
- 02-01-07
This book almost got me fired--lol
This is a great book, great reading, and literally laugh out loud funny. I generally listen to Audio books while working, I have a multi-track mind so they help me focus.
Serveral parts of this book made me laugh out loud as my boss passed by
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9 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Kenton
- 08-01-12
Yay ABBY!!!
Any additional comments?
Let's face it – Abby Normal is the real hero of this book (and series). She just rocks, and the wonderful language Moore has endowed her with is absolutely double-over hysterical.
If you're looking for a mindlessly fun romp through an authentic San Francisco, this series if totally for you. But be sure to start at the beginning – Bloodsucking Fiends! You won't be sorry.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Jonathan Hoffman
- 10-07-07
Hilarious
Christopher Moore isn't for everyone. Incredibly irreverent, profane, offbeat. But this is the fourth book of his I've read or listened to and I liked it the best. Part of that is due to the narrator, Susan Bennett, who absolutely does the best narration I've heard on any book. When she starts reading Moore's character "Abbie Normal," th book takes off. I loved it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- CassieX
- 09-08-20
Twice as funny as first one
Brilliant mesh up of story and narrator, with even funnier storyline and new characters.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- C.P. Tarantini
- 04-26-22
Narrator
It was hard to tell which character was talking. The narrator use practically the same tone and pitch with all the characters.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
- Paul
- 12-26-09
Very funny
This is my first Christopjer Moore book... and I am glad I listen to it. It is very funny, especially in the beginning part. The author captured the behaviour of the characters perfectly ... from the barely adult vamp to the teenage goth girl vampire wannabe.
The only mark off was the story ran out of its edginess humour towards the end.
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