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This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It | [David Wong]

This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It

Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. This is not a metaphor. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That’s just as well, since the “cure” involves learning what a chain saw tastes like. You can’t feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings.
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Publisher's Summary

Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. This is not a metaphor.

You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That’s just as well, since the “cure” involves learning what a chain saw tastes like. You can’t feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can’t see it, because it decides what you see. You won’t even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends, and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We’re all about to find out.

Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I’m just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won’t hold it against you if you’re upset. I know that’s just the spider talking.

©2012 David Wong (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

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  •  
    Amazon Customer severna park, MD, United States 04-26-13
    Amazon Customer severna park, MD, United States 04-26-13 Member Since 2011

    I'm actually a day old tart, filled with maple custard. Perhaps, this reads as a rational introduction to others, and you are deliberately misreading it, because, come on, maple custard.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Holy Velvet Jesus Painting, My Jimmies Are Rustled"

    This book is better written then David Wong's last novel, John Dies At The End. Which was a fun read. Unlike his last, when the plot ambles, it's more on purpose, concise, cleaner, and he doesn't use periods of gross out horror slapstick to cover weak points in the story. There's still gross out horror, but it's intuitive. I mean, it's a book about sentient spiders. Uggghhuuuhhuuherr Blahhhh, my skin is crawling!

    I can't remember the last time I was wide awake at 4 AM glaring at shadows in my room, certain that they would suddenly move. Maybe when I was eight? Or since the last time I watched Army of Darkness?

    Don't judge. It was scary. I normally don't like horror, but when you get midway through this book you almost have to keep listening, you have to have the narrator tell you that the spiders are taken care of, and that everything will be okay. It's that well written. This book was like a literary roller coaster, terrifying, with just the right kind of humor and humanity to make it exciting. There are some really good intuitions of the human condition, including Wong's take on the Babel Effect, without getting too preachy. The alternate point of views is really interesting, as you get to see situations from every perspective. I would definitely recommend this book.

    21 of 22 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Charles TULSA, OK, United States 09-21-13
    Charles TULSA, OK, United States 09-21-13 Member Since 2011
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    "Very Different than John Dies, but Equal"

    If you haven't listened to John Dies at the End, go do that first. Seriously. While this book can arguably stand alone, it would lose a LOT without the backdrop.

    I read a lot of reviews about Wong's books that are, in my opinion, incredibly inaccurate or harsh. Spiders is... satire/horror/comedy about the obsession the world has with the end of the world. Like most if not all satire it's designed to be ridiculous. Which this book is in a lot of ways. It's weird and out there, juvenile and crazy. But it also speaks volumes about mass hysteria, fear mongering, and the dangers of handing total control to a single source.

    Like most Cult books/films/TV, you either love it or hate it. I happen to be in the group that loves it. I love the characters because they remind me of my friends and I when *we* were in our early to mid 20s. I love the story because, well, it's great. And it's just a fun book. Campy and Weird, with an intentionally capitalized W.

    I thought the performance, on the whole, was good. My main issue is that different fellows read John and Spiders- I got very used to hearing the voices in a certain way in John Dies. I spent most of Spiders having to force myself back into the story (though it wasn't that hard).

    Like John Dies, if you aren't up for really weird, profanity, and generalized horror, you probably won't like Spiders. If you dig things like that... this is right up your alley.

    6 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kris Helena, MT, United States 10-17-12
    Kris Helena, MT, United States 10-17-12 Member Since 2010

    Kris Delaney

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Gory Good Fun"

    Full of cringe worthy violence, and laugh-out-loud raunch, Book Full of Spiders is a dementedly good listen. I was sad not to hear Stephen Thorne narrate, since he did a wonderful job with the first book, John Dies at the End; but Nick Podehl sounds like he's actually closer in age to the characters. Podehl also did a wonderful job reading The King Killer Chronicles, so I was glad to listen to him take on a new world. Sadly, this book wasn't as good as John Dies at the End, it drags for a while, and the never-ending bizarreness factor that twisted the first book just wasn't up to speed here. Still, it's good to back in the hands of Mr. Wong and the weird encounters he can't stay away from.

    11 of 12 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ryan Somerville, MA, United States 12-24-13
    Ryan Somerville, MA, United States 12-24-13 Member Since 2005

    Gen-Xer, software engineer, and lifelong avid reader. Soft spots for sci-fi, fantasy, and history, but I'll read anything good.

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    "Stupid/smart Gen-Y horror/satire"

    If you’re not familiar with David Wong (AKA Jason Pargin), he writes for the stupid-yet-brilliant website Cracked, which deconstructs movie plots, videogames, and commonly-held beliefs with ironic, profanity-laced Gen-Y snark. For better or worse, that’s pretty much what his novels are, too -- a marriage of the Evil Dead trilogy and witty commentary on different subjects.

    This Book is Full of Spiders isn't quite as off-the-wall entertaining as its predecessor, but it's still a fun read, and mixes some maturity in with its signature goofball humor.

    The plot riffs on standard horror movie tropes, in this case about evil spiders that invade their victims, turning them into flesh-eating monsters. Quickly, the government sets up a quarantine, trapping David on one side while the impulsive dumbass John and David's nerdily sweet, resourceful girlfriend Amy must find their way through the cordon of special agents, paranoid townspeople, and disgusting creatures. There are also appearances by a badass detective, a psychiatrist who’s a bit too rational, the sagely occult expert, Doctor Marconi, and David’s not-too-bright-but-faithful-in-her-own-way dog, Molly.

    Wong's treatment of familiar conventions is clever, and raises the question of whether the zombies would really be the worst thing about a zombie outbreak. Perhaps the worst thing, Wong suggests, would actually be an outbreak of human nature, in the form of trigger-happy vigilantes and survivalists, zombie-movie-crazed man-children with hero fantasies, the internet, and good-hearted people trying to save their friends. The “villains” might simply be the people acting rationally. Definitely one of the more self-aware, ironic horror stories ever.

    Unfortunately, the book is weaker in other departments. The narrative is often thin and jumpy, as though Wong is writing from a storyboard in his head, but neglecting to show clearly how events got from state A to state B. Readers who have seen their share of B-movies will probably picture where he’s going with it, everyone else will be confused. Of course, the first book probably filtered out most of the latter group. The ending, disappointingly, leaves loose ends dangling.

    Still, I enjoyed this one nearly as much as John Dies at the End. We get to know the three lovable losers, David, John, and Amy (with Amy being the least loserly) better as characters, and their thought processes made me smile. Perhaps it helped that audiobook narrator Nick Podehl gave them each a bit of personality of his own.

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ryan CA, United States 05-27-13
    Ryan CA, United States 05-27-13 Member Since 2007
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    "Love this book. As good as the first, 'John Dies'"


    ...but I don't know that any review I can give will do it justice.

    I left a brief review for the first book intending to update it later before I found out that's not possible. So here's a more detailed review that covers the overall story of both books.

    It's about a pair of Gen Y underachievers who, through experiences I can't relate without ruining anything, are gifted with a sensitivity to the supernatural and extra-dimensional. Their new perceptions give them glances at, and make them targets of, cloak-and-dagger forces that are inimical to humankind and..... just effing weird.

    One guy is the irresponsible friend, the other is the straight-man, slightly less irresponsible friend. You'll get to accompany them as they try and manage their slacker, workaday, part time crud job lives - and at the same time deal with secret, heinous powers. Without any proof, it's just them against the world.

    It's a contradiction, but their ineptitude has great poise, and you forgive their ridiculousness because 1) they're good-natured dudes at heart and 2) they're friggin hilarious.

    I highly recommend this book. However, I've seen from the other reviews that it's pretty polarizing; people either love it or are unimpressed. I use it as litmus paper to see if my tastes are calibrated to other reviewers' when looking for suggestions. I def suggest checking a reviewer's history before taking their word on this book just in case it isn't your lager colour. If it is though, I promise you'll be well-sated.

    6 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Marci portland, OR, United States 04-24-13
    Marci portland, OR, United States 04-24-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "David Wong's Best Yet--Smart and Funny"

    This book has it all, and I've never thought that about another book. It's romantic, and sweet, and just hilarious, and spooky, and very smart. It's full of surprises, yet easy to keep up with everything. It defies categorization, so don't miss out on this one by saying "oh, I don't like that type of book." It's long enough to be satisfying, and you are glad the editor kept it that way. Also, you don't have to read any other David Wong books to understand everything going on. You won't miss out on anything by jumping straight to this one. Just order it, you won't regret it.

    6 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Karlstad, Sweden 10-04-12
    Amazon Customer Karlstad, Sweden 10-04-12
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    "Just what it's supposed to be"
    What does Nick Podehl bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    The narrator does a good job of bringing out the characters in his delivery without going too over-the-top. Most importantly, he feels like a good fit for David Wong's narratorial voice.


    Any additional comments?

    If the title of the book is appealing to you, you'll most likely enjoy the novel. It seems to me that David Wong is accomplishing pretty much exactly what he sets out to do, which is an admirable feat. The story is entertaining, the core characters are likable, the blend of horror and comedy works remarkably well tonally, and the book is clever and insightful without seeming like it's trying too hard to be just that. A lot of the humor is kind of stupid, but there's a human touch to it that makes it work.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Robert Wessington, Sd, United States 10-04-12
    Robert Wessington, Sd, United States 10-04-12 Member Since 2012
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    "Lots of Fun"
    Any additional comments?

    I liked this book. Am a huge fan of the previous novel (John Dies at the End). I don't know if I liked this one quite as much as the first but still very good. Recommend highly, I would recommend that you read/ listen to the first book. Not absolutely critical, but you would miss a lot, I think without it.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 06-01-13
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 06-01-13 Member Since 2005
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    "Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It."

    This guy has great ideas but his story flows like it would if written by a kid with ADHA after eating candy bars and drinking a big gulp. I wanted to like it. It had so much potential, but it fell soooo short of what it could have been. I probably should have followed the advice on the cover. David wong/Jason Pargin needs a better editor.

    20 of 27 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Deejay Sidney NE 01-07-13
    Deejay Sidney NE 01-07-13 Member Since 2011

    DSLR Film Noob

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    "Why no Stephen Thorne"

    I don't normally take the time to sit down and write a review, but I felt it was needed in this case. The previous book (john dies at the end) was narrated superbly by Stephen Thorne. It was a surprise to me when I started listening to this book is full of spiders that the narrator had changed from an energized sound Thorne to a drab, slow sounding Nick Podehl.

    It's always a little jarring when there are changes in narrators through a series of books, but this change was almost as bad as the change from Tim Curry to Lemony Snicket in A Series of unfortunate events. It really takes you out of the book.

    As for the book itself, it feels like it's missing a lot of the crudeness that was added by John's character in the first novel. Some might have found that a little distasteful, but it's what gives John dies at the end a lot of it's charm. This book is full of spiders feels like it's been run through the filter press that's squeezed out most of the random banter and frantic jumping around that made the first novel great. There is hardly a mention of soy sauce in the entire novel.

    This book is full of spiders is not the action packed sequel to John dies at the end. Instead it's more like a watered down episode of 24 with the word terrorists replaced with spiders. It takes awhile to get started and when if finally does, you're racing along on a bicycle instead of an awesome dirt bike.

    4 of 5 people found this review helpful
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  • Caroline
    ambleside, United Kingdom
    11/22/12
    Overall
    "awsome"

    Not your average book but a very very good listen. This goes in my top ten listens. Amazing how a gory blood scene can be transformed to laugh out loud by the descriptiveness.



    It really is a laugh out loud book, i found myself chuckling, laughing out loud, giggling; It is also an engrossing story with well thought out characters. I am off to find more by this author

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
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